P+1?

I'm pretty sure today is O+1/P+1 (CD 18 is not too bad for me).  Yesterday I had a temp dip and 10KL (I didn't have as much CM as usual though), and today was a higher temp and 8C.  We used Monday, but yesterday D was frustrated and tired of sex on a schedule.  I completely understand the sentiment; we are "forcing" ourselves during fertile times and doing that for two years has gotten old.  I'm going to work on surrending it since I have a habit of being the pursuer instead of letting D pursue.  

Once I've confirmed my peak day, I'm planning to call to try to get my surgery scheduled (still planning on Dec.).  I'm hoping that I'll have another month without the crazy spotting; that would be such an improvement.

Green stickers (AKA My Crazy Chart)

I was looking today at my stickers for my Creighton Chart to check if I needed more yellow stickers (yes I do). I also learned that I still have FIVE sheets of plain green stickers and I've only used 5 plain green stickers since September.

Here's a count of what I've used since September:

Red: 134

Green: 5 (as I already mentioned)

Green Baby: 5

White Baby: 75 (some of those are before I started with yellow stickers so it's higher than it should "really" be)

Yellow: 25 (since December)

Yellow Baby: 10 (since December)

The good(ish) news is that I finally stopped spotting after CD 12. Now I just have to wait for 10C/KL.

I hope everyone has a relaxing Memorial Day, and don't forget to keep those who have given their lives for our country and their families in your prayers.

Cycle update etc.

I'm on CD 11 and I'm still spotting which is crappy.  I've been feeling my ovaries more this cycle, but I'm not sure why.  They actually feel a bit like they did on clomid where pressure is uncomfortable.  I'm hoping the spotting will finish up so that I can actually o at a decent time.  I'm going to be starting the T3 soon (whopee on checking pulse and temps 3x a day).

I don't know if it's the fact that 2 years is getting close or D's best friend's wedding coming up soon (or some crazy hormonalness) but I've been feeling sad about IF this cycle than I had in a while.  I did however find out at the bridal shower (same wedding) that an acquaintance from my church in my hometown is now dealing with secondary IF after dealing with primary IF.  We commiserated about the fact that there was a woman there who was pregnant with her 10th child; how it's great for her but it's still hard to see when you have been waiting for the same blessing for a few years.  I'm trying to bear my cross and surrender to God's will, but right now I'm having a tough time. 

 

I've done a little writing (like 2 pages or so) on the book, but I'm going to try to do some more over the weekend now that I have a more functional computer.  I'm not sure if I'm ever going to be able to make it a true book or ever get it sold but I feel that I need to try to get it down on paper at least.  I may at some point make a private blog for it.

Technology breakdown

D's computer, our wireless router, our modem, and I all had a breakdown on Sunday evening. D's computer was his work computer so that is still with the IT dept. trying to fix it. He got a new laptop yesterday which I am borrowing today since my computer is both physically broken and incredibly slow. We had to buy a new wireless router since ours got fried somehow (the one we had was free so it wasn't as bad as if we had bought the original). Luckily the modem just got reset when the wireless blew out so we just had call our ISP to get the user name and password to reset. We also got 2 large TV that we bought from one of D's work friends for $350. We still don't have cable/satellite but we are getting satellite when my parents move to Qatar for my dad's work later this year.

I am going to visit my parents this weekend since a friend is having a bridal shower this Sunday in our hometown. My mom recently got a new computer so I'm going to get my dad to put my hard drive in her old computer and hopefully the performance will improve.

My cousin who was having premature labor at 32 weeks had her son at 35-36 weeks. He is doing well and didn't have to go to the NICU or special care nursery.

P.S. I need some prayers that the little girl that I nanny for will get into the Montes.sori school (for preschool) for the fall. She's on the waiting list and she really needs the Montes.sori style schooling enviroment. I think she will do so much better there than a traditional school environment and that will reduce my stress as well as her parents' stress.

The stress of all our technology breaking down at once plus normal period crazies was not a good combo. I'm feeling emotionally better but the cramps kicked in yesterday and now they are quite painful. Also my hypoglycemia has been bothering me a bit lately and I feel nauseated unless I eat something every hour or so.

CD 1...Cycle 20

Waking up at 4:15 in the morning and going to the bathroom to find bleeding was not the way I wanted to start Mother's Day.  The new cycle starting hit me hard than I thought it would since it was at least different from the early spotting I've had for most of the past year (except of course the break cycle).  I also feel bad having to tell D that it didn't work...again.  Maybe after my surgery (still planning on December...for financial reasons), there will be a chance.  However, I'm worried about how I'm going to handle it if I still don't get pregnant and we hit 2011.

P+11 and Thryoid Study

I'm currently at P+11 right now without any spotting, but I feel like I'm about to spot/start a new cycle. D keeps asking me if I'm going to test soon, but I'm not going to unless I get to P+14 (Tuesday) without spotting.

I can almost guarantee that I'm not going to qualify for the Thyriod Dysfunction Study. My pre-peak average was 98.1 or 98.2 and post-peak it was 98.7 most days. I'm a little surprised that my temps were as high as they were. I'm sending the paperwork back today.

P+8 and other stuff

This is the first time in a few months (and only three or four times in the last year) where (as of yet) I have gotten to O/P+8 without spotting/bleeding. Dr. Hilger put D and I on a 3 week antibiotics course which we start on P+1. I can't be sure, but it would be nice if it was stopping whatever is causing the crazy bleeding.

The antibiotics give me a stomachache and they give me a bad taste in my mouth, but it's worth it if it moves us closer to conceiving.

D and I went to NJ for his cousin's wedding last weekend. It was fun and we got to see all his family who we only see about twice a year. We are actually going to send a letter to his grandma, and ask her to pray for us with regard to infertility.

S (the 3-year-old girl I nanny for) punch me in the face today. I'm hoping that her parents can deal with her in a way that will reduce that kind of behavior.

Book?

I've been thinking for a while that there aren't any books that I've found that are for infertile Catholics who want to follow the Church's teaching. Most of the books that I've seen about IF focus on ART, and as far as I know even the Christian one's aren't written from a Catholic perspective. I kind feel like maybe I should write (or be part of writing) "A Catholic Couple's Guide to Infertility". I'm not sure how realistic it is, but I've been thinking about it ever since I found AYWH's blog. I'm not a fabulous writer, but like I said this has been in my heart for about 6 months now. Thoughts? Anyone interested in helping write or anything if this actually happens?

Possibly going to be a split Peak?

I didn't start having Peak-type (10C/KLx1) mucus until Thursday. Friday I had 10KLx3, but yesterday was 6C. I don't think that I've oed yet, especially taking my temps into consideration. Also, I usually have like more than 1 1/2 days of Peak type mucus, so I really hope that it'll come back soon. We did use yesterday, but I'm not sure how much that will matter.

Prayers for my cousin and her baby

My cousin is 32 weeks pregnant and at her dr. appt today, she found out that she is 70% and 3 cm dilated.  She is on bedrest for a couple weeks, and they gave her steriod shots to improve the baby's lung development.  I live halfway across the country so I can't go visit her and help out.  Please keep her and her family (she also has a three-year old girl) in your thoughts and prayers.  

Thyroid study, waiting to o and other stuff

I did my temps and pulses last week for the Thyroid Study. My ave. temp was about 98.1 (pre-Peak), but my pulse was almost always between 80-90. I definitely have a family history of thyroid issues on my dad's side of the family (grandmother, great-aunt, aunt, and cousin all have diagnosed issues).

I'm still just charting yellow stickers (I'm using them both pre- and post-peak now) with 6C or 8C, so I'm guessing I'm not going to o on CD 16 like last month. Oh well, I doubt that the physical conditions in my uterus are such that pregnancy is probable before my surgery.

D and I are trying to decide if November or December will be better for the surgery, but he has to think about it some more. D probably won't be able to come up to Omaha with me, but either my mom or my middle brother, M/BP, will try to come with me.

M/BP, the brother who is a Brother (in the monk/religious vow sense), is going to be going to seminary this fall. The other Brother recently finished seminary and once their order grows large enough he will be ordained.

I've got a bit of a stuffy nose, which is of course at a horrible time, being relatively close to and before ovulation. I know that "normal/fertile" people get pregnant after taking Sudafed, but we are getting close to two years of trying and I want to maximize our chances.

D and I have a bit of traveling coming up soon. His cousin gets married in about 10 days in NJ. His best friend gets married in late June in St. Louis. We are also going to visit my dad's side of the family in the Pacific Northwest in August. We are only flying to the first wedding; the rest of the trips will be by car.

Having problems waiting

I wish that I didn't have to wait until December for my surgery.  Since the only problem that was found in my b/w was the thyroid issue, I (self-diagnosing of course) think that there's a good chance that endo is what's causing my bleeding.  I don't have horrible cramps, but I do definitely have bad cramps at least one day each cycle.  

I'm also feeling like I'm stuck in the intellectual side of my relationship with God.  I say the Morning and Evening Prayers from the Magnificat everyday, but I have a hard time praying in my own words.  My mind knows about God, but my heart is scared to let go and have faith.  I'm still trying to figure out where my place is my parish is and I haven't met any church friends.  That combined with IF is making me feel lost.

Good Friday, CD 1...Cycle #19

It looks like today is the start of Cycle #19 (although it's hard to know what's really CD 1 with the crazy bleeding that I have start around 3DPO/just after Peak).  I'm getting frustrated again at the lack of progress we seem to be making.  I'll be doing the Symptom Checklist and Temperature Assessment for the T3 study this month.  Even if the T3 is an issue, I'm pretty sure that it's not what's causing my bleeding.  Since nothing else seems to be hormonely wrong with me, there has to be some sort of structural problem causing it, right?  My surgery won't be until December, which is still 8 months away.  If there is a problem, it might not even be fixed then depending on how serious it is.  I hate the fact that we are going to hit the two-year mark without know the cause of the bleeding (which has to be at least part of the the cause of the infertility).  

D and I had a pretty good time in Las Vegas.  It was kind of tiring though and D is not good about calling it a night around the friends we went with.  I was kind of hopeful when the bleeding/spotting stopped for almost a day, but it started right back up again.  D actually managed to win almost $200, so that was cool.  All the food we ate was great.  I think D had a good 27th birthday.

One of the hardest things to do is remember that my suffering is minor compared to Christ's and to many other people's.  The other thing I have to remember is that without the suffering of Good Friday, there's no joyful resurrection on Easter Sunday.  One day I will receive the joyous gift that God has prepared for me, but it may not be the gift that I hope it is.

B/W results (lots of numbers) Updated

I got my b/w result today. According to Dr. Hilgers, the only concern is thyroid function due to the low ratio of T3/RT3. I'm supposed to be receiving information for the temps and pulse study in the mail soon. I know a few other people have done this so I'd appreciate any feedback.

Day 5 FSH= 7.3 mIU/ml (normal is 8.1+/-2.1 so it's normal)
Day 8 Estradiol= 4.1 ng/dL (the unit commonly seen is pg/ml so you multiply by 10, which would be 41 pg/ml)
Day 10 Estradiol= 9.6 ng/dL (or 96 pg/ml)
Day 12 Estradiol= 8.6 ng/dL (or 86 pg/ml)
Day 14 Estradiol= 13.6 ng/dL (or 136 pg/ml)
Day 16 Estradiol= 30.7 ng/dL (or 307 pg/ml)
Day 18 Estradiol (O-1 or Peak E2 according to graph)= 62.4 ng/dL (or 624 pg/ml)
Day 20 Estradiol (O+1)= 10.3 ng/dL (or 103 pg/ml)
P+3 Estradiol= 13.6 ng/dL (or 136 pg/ml) & Progesterone= 14.0 ng/mL (normal is 9.4+/-4.1)
Just as a note spotting started in between these two blood draws
P+5 Estradiol= 20.3 ng/dL (or 203 pg/ml) & Progesterone= 26.6 ng/mL (normal is 14.4+/-4.7)
P+7 Estradiol= 34.1 ng/dL (or 341 pg/ml) & Progesterone= 36.3 ng/mL (normal is 15.7+/-5.7)
P+9 Estradiol= 35.0 ng/dL (or 350 pg/ml) & Progesterone= 33.8 ng/mL (normal is 13.6+/-5.3)
P+11 Estradiol= 40.6 ng/dL (or 406 pg/ml) & Progesterone= 23.6 ng/mL (normal is 8.1+/-5.0)

Other P+7 results
Androstenedione= 2.0 ng/mL (normal range is 1.1-2.1)
DHEA-SO4= 118 mcg/dL (normal range is 92.8-219)
FSH= 3.7 mIU/ml (normal range is 1.9-5.9)
LH= 5.7 mIU/ml (normal range is 0.0-9.0)
Prolactin= 15.7 ng/mL (normal range is 3.0-20.0)
Total T4= 11.5 mcg/dL (normal range is 4.5-12.5)
T3 Uptake= 26.8% (normal range is 24.0-35.0
FTI= 3.1 (normal range is 1.1-4.4)
FT4= 1.4 ng/dL (normal range is 0.8-1.9)
TSH= 1.98 mcIU/mL (normal range is 0.4-4.0)
Total T3= 129 ng/DL (normal range is 70.0-170.0)
Reverse T3= 386 pg/mL (normal range is 90.0-350.0) so I'm just above normal
T3/RT3 Ratio= 3.3 (should be greater than 10)
Testosterone= 34.2 (normal range is 17.5-43.51)
Free Testosterone= 0.6 (normal range is 0.6-1.8)

I'm not clear on if the thyriod issue is hypothyroidism or hyperthyroidism. I think it's hypothyroidism, but I'm waiting to get my paperwork in the mail.

As you can see, my progesterone levels don't seem to be the cause of the spotting since they are actually pretty high. My progesterone levels, pre-peak estradiol levels, and post-peak estradiol levels are all above the high line on the graphs of normal values on the bottom of the results pages.

Note/Update: I don't know if the FSH:LH ratio of 1.0 is applicable for the luteal phase since these number are Peak+7 instead of the CD3 which is when the test is usually done looking for PCOS. PCOS has never been brought up as a likely cause of my infertility/ovulation issues.

Spotting

One step forward (earlier o), two steps back (spotting just after o).

3 DPO

Just a quick update. It looks like I oed on CD 16 (compared to the CD21 I had been having). The last three cycles have been CD 15, CD 19, and CD 16. Our timing was decent. I'm hoping that my b/w result will be back before the start of the next cycle.

D and I are going to Las Vegas for his birthday, and we leave on Wednesday so I won't be posting or reading then. We'll be back Sunday evening. I've been really bad about commenting, and I'll try to get better when I get back.

Frustrations over timing

I'm worried that our timing is going to be as good as I'd like.  D is always tired and not in the mood on workdays.  Hopefully, o day won't be until the weekend and we'll have a chance.  However, D is probably working all weekend again (he worked Saturday and Sunday last week too).  It's very frustrating to get turned down all the time, but I'm trying to surrender it.   I'm trying to be confident that God will bring us together at the right time, but it's really hard since using a day is the one aspect of TTC that I have any control over.  I hate feeling like I'm doing all the work and like I'm forcing D.  It's CD 16 and I'm on day 5 of good 10C/K.  My best guess that o will be between Saturday (CD 18) and Tuesday (CD 21).  The good news is that I've been feeling better for the past couple days.

Still sick

I went to my GP dr on Wednesday, and I have a sinus infection and a possible double ear infection. I've been on antibiotics (and a bunch of other stuff) since then and I'm finally starting to feel a bit better.

I'm on CD 12 and since I've been taking the antibiotics and Mucinex-D, I've have weird CM. *TMI ahead* I've had 6K/8K and globby brown tinted 8C. Hopefully it will normalize soon.

I still really need to sit down and write a long post. However, now I must eat.

A Pain in the Face

I have a really nasty sinus infection right now.  I've felt bad for over a week now, and it doesn't seem to be getting better.  My cheeks are very sore and my nose is gross.  I've been doing sinus rinse a couple times a day, and I've been taking meds.  If I don't see some improvement by tomorrow, I think I'm going to need to go to the dr. 

It's CD 7 and I'm down to spotting.

CD 1...Cycle 18 (quick update)

I had just been spotting/very light bleeding until today, so I either had a longer or shorter LP than normal (13 days or 9 days as opposed to the 12 days it had been for the past few months).  So I'm counting today as CD 1. I'm getting cramps too, but they're not too bad yet.  Last chance for 2009 baby.