Negative test, still waiting

I had a negative test this morning at P+14, but I'm still waiting for CD1 to show.  I tend to only go to P+13, so I had some hope that I might actually get a positive test.  After a long cycle (didn't ovulate until CD 25), I'm still waiting and I'm frustrated.  I don't want to deal with another cycle of TTC right now.  I'm tired and our schedules are not meshing well on that front.  If I do have to deal with another cycle, I just want to hurry up and get it started and do my cycle review and everything.

The last couple days we have been able to go to where K only nurses when she wakes up, at naptime, when she wakes from nap, at bedtime and then once in the morning between 4 and 6.  This is a vast improvement since she still sometimes nurse an hour apart even a month ago.  I do have to tell her no when she asks to nurse outside of those times (she signs milk please), but she seems to handle it pretty well until just before sleeping.  I have no problem continuing to nurse for at least 3 more months, especially if I can manage to get pregnant.

K had been doing really well with having BMs on the toilet, but she has started going in her diaper again the last couple days.  Yes, she is only 17 months, but it's frustrating when she had been having maybe 1 a week in her diaper for months and now she's gone 5 times in 3 days and isn't telling me.

IF weekend reminder

Keep Calm and Carry On (yes, she's still alive...I talked to her yesterday) and I have planned a get-together in NW Louisiana at my house August 13-15 (rescheduled from June), which we had sent an email about a few weeks ago.  If you are tentatively attending, please comment here or send me an email (which can be found in my profile).  I just need to get an idea or how many people we might have.  I'll send more details soon via email.

I'll post a cycle update tomorrow since it'll probably be CD 1.  I'm spotting again, which started Tuesday (P+11).

Cycle Review, etc.

I had my first cycle review with PPVI today.  My P+7 progesterone was 27.0 ng/dL and estradiol was 46.2 ng/dL.  Dr. H wants me to take the 500 mg sustained release B6 and Mucinex twice a day starting on day 10 through P+2.  I may have called prematurely since I'm still not have constant flow, just crazy off and on.  It's either P+11 or P+14.  I took an HPT which was negative (just using the old take an HPT, get your period trick).  I also had a followup today with my wonderful practitioner, TCIE.  I do have some nausea starting, but one of the kids I nanny for vomited yesterday, so it could be just stomach virus nausea.  I promised TCIE that if I don't have real flow by Saturday that I'll test again.

If you haven't seen it, take a look at the prayer intentions link and add your prayers.

Quick Get Together News, etc.

Cool piece of news regarding the something going on locally during the planned time of the Southern Blogger Get Together (reminder: June 25-June 27, possibly in Shreveport, Louisiana, anyone is welcome, let me know if you are interested): Scott Hahn will be speaking at our cathedral (which is about 15 minutes from my house if we do the get together here).  The cost is $15 a person.  Right now for the get together we've got me, Keep Calm and Carry On, and 3 tentatives.

I'm somewhere between P+9 and P+12 (I did my b/w based on P+7 as Sunday).  I'm still have spotting in spurts and fits, but it does stop for periods of time, which is better than the previous crazy bleeding that I've had.  I expect CD1 between Thursday and Monday.

P+14

I'm at P+14 again.  Since peak day was less than two weeks after surgery, we didn't use any days of fertility so I'm definitely not pregnant.  I'm very excited to finally have a decent LP.  I haven't been quite as good as last month about following the Endo diet, but it still seems to be extending my LP (and removing the endometriosis probably helped too).  I'm having a tiny bit of spotting so today or tomorrow will likely be CD1.

My interview for the nanny position was postponed because the family was sick, and then the rest of the week is taken up by Holy Week things (the family is Catholic too).  It'll be next Tuesday evening.  I really need to start working soon, so I'm really hoping to get this job and start by April 12.

I'm going to try to stay off the computer after Holy Thursday Mass, so I'll be back on Monday.  D's birthday is Saturday so I'll probably have an auto post for that (which I'll need to finish later today).  I hope everyone has a blessed Triduum and Easter.

Updates

I wanted to update since I haven't posted in a while.  I'm doing pretty well.  My stomach is feeling much better; I did have some heartburn earlier in the week, but it's hopefully done too.  My incision is doing fine and I don't really have much pain from it most of the time.  I haven't taken any pain medication in over a week.  I'm pretty much sticking to the Endo Diet in the last week or so since my stomach is finally working more normally.  During my 2 week follow-up phone call from PPVI, the nurse asked me about the Endo Diet because she's dealing with endometriosis too.

I have an interview for a nanny job on Tuesday, and I'll update when I have some news on that.  I haven't been doing a whole lot lately other than reading (blogs and books), listening to my iPod and resting.  I do need to work on housework a bit.

D's 28th birthday is in 8 days and we are going to have a couple friends over for dinner, etc.  Since I'm currently unemployed, I'm probably just going to do a special dinner and cake as his present.

I managed to ovulate on CD 16 or 17, but I only had one day of good 10KL.  Hopefully that was just because of surgery and my body trying to get back to normal.  CM has never been a problem for me so I'm hoping that this was just a fluke.  I'm currently P+7 or 8, but this was a break cycle so I'm just looking for a good LP (13 or 14 days would be lovely).

My 6 week phone follow-up with PPVI is on April 12, and that's when I'll be finding out exactly what Dr. H thinks that we need to do.  The main thing that he's going to be treating me for is the inflammation that he found during my hysteroscopy in December.  I'm still taking Hydrocort (which is supposed to help with inflammation) and I'll probably be starting on the Pain and Brain supplement that's also supposed to reduce inflammation.  The Endo Diet is also supposed to help reduce inflammation too.  One thing that I have to remember is that treating the inflammation, since it's chronic, will probably take a few months so it may be a while before anything happens.

I was wrong

Yesterday wasn't CD 1, but I'm having the tiniest bit of pink/red combined with 10K and still waiting for true flow.  13 day LP isn't too bad.  6 days until surgery.

Break cycle

D caught the cold I had before my surgery, and I'm pretty sure I'm P+2 today. We didn't use any days of fertility since he was sick. I had serious ovary pain on Wednesday, which I'm pretty sure was peak day. I'm pretty bloated still. We are going to a wedding this weekend and I was trying on dresses, and D commented on how bloated I am and how I look pregnant in one of the dress. I'm not wearing that one, obviously since I don't want to look pregnant if I don't actually get to be pregnant. Thankfully we don't have any more weddings that I know of until about 2.5 months after my next surgery.

I'm not too concerned about a break cycle now since it's unlikely that anything will happen before I get the endo removed and the uterine inflammation treated. I have pretty much moved on to not have a chance of having a child before 2011 since we wouldn't really have a chance until my April cycle. I'm hoping that Dr. H will have some results of the cortisol b/w and the cultures from the surgery by the first of the year. I'll hopefully have some treatment started by the time my next surgery happens.

My mom is coming from Qatar for my surgery (which was moved to March 8), and she has been buying all the plane tickets and get the hotel reserved and everything. D is staying in Omaha until Friday, and my mom is flying back with me and then staying at our house through the weekend since D will be working.

To wait and to hope

Today at Mass during the homily, the priest was discussing how Advent is to remind us of the time of the Israelites in the Old Testament. The quote that really struck me was that they "had little reason to celebrate, or to wait and to hope." This quote is so applicable to infertility. Even though Advent is waiting for a birth, I think that it's also a season for infertiles. Our lives are spent in waiting (trying to be hopeful).

I also talked to my priest about getting Anointing of the Sick next week.

I'm at 11 DPO and still spotting/bleeding, but not so much that it's a new cycle yet. I'll be on cycle 7-9 on surgery day, which is in 10 days!

River in the Street

Me last year by our front porch. The water was higher at the back of our house. We had some bags of dirt that we used to sandbag the door just in case. This time the water only got about 6 feet from the house.

D last year by the fire hydrant in our yard (this time you could actually see some of the yellow part of the fire hydrant). Please ignore how crazy D looks and the beard, he shaved it right before his sister's wedding.

Our street flooded again last night. Thankfully no water got in the house and we only got about 2 inches in our detached garage. In May 2008, the water was about an inch from getting in the house. I have pictures and video from this time, but they're not loaded on the computer yet. I'll post them when I load them on. It, of course, started raining heavily about 7pm and I stayed up until 11:30 watching to see what was happening. D stayed up even later since he was super worried (understandably so), and we both had to be at work at 7. The bad part is that it still hasn't stopped rain, although it's now much lighter. I hear that our area was on the Weather channel nationally last night because of the flooding and tornados (one that knocked down a church steeple...the church that the family I nanny for goes to) in the area.

I started spotting this morning. The crazy thing is that I also started a new cycle in May 2008 right after the flooding. I'm fine with not being pregnant this cycle since my surgery is in 5 weeks and we already have the plane tickets. I am, however, disappointed that I only made it to P+12 before starting to spot. I really hoped I could make it to P+14. I'm not sure yet if this will be CD1 or not. T-40 days until surgery!

Another first cousin once removed

My cousin and his wife are having there third child. They have a 2 1/2 year old and a 8 month old. It's great for them, but I'm so jealous. They'll have had 2 kids since we started trying and we can't even have one. They live on the other side of the country, but it's still going to be hard to see online.

The good news on this cycle is no spotting so far and I'm at 9DPO, but I'm not pregnant since we didn't use any of the days of fertility. I'm ready for it to be December and surgery time.

Blood draws are done!!!

My arms are very happy. I'll be sending the blood off tomorrow, and then I have to wait a while for the results.

The spotting returned yesterday at 10 DPO/Peak+8, but it's relatively light especially compared to what I've had previously. I've been feeling a bit sick, my sinuses and throat hurt and I just feel a bit lethagic. I pretty much have just sat around for the past two days, and I slept most of yesterday. I had some stuff I wanted to do around the house and in the yard, but I just haven't felt up to it. I'm hoping that I'll feel better tomorrow, it will be a long day otherwise.

Tuesday will most likely be CD 1, and our final chance for 2009. However, I don't expect anything to happen until I'm undergoing some sort of treatment. I'm supposed to call in July to get my surgery hopefully scheduled in December. I think there's a good chance that we won't really have a shot until next year; we'll be lucky to have a baby by the end of 2010.

Plans

The tentative plan is that I'm going to try to schedule my surgery in December of this year.  That gives us time to save a bit, but still get it on this year's deductible.  I'm planning to do the hormone series this coming cycle (assumed CD1 on Saturday), and the dr that I nanny for is going to help me make sure that I can get the bloodwork drawn and sent off to PPVI.  Supposedly the hormone series will be completely covered, but we'll have to see when the bill comes.  Either way, the hormone series is a really important step in figuring out the problem.

I watched the EWTN Abudant Life episode on "Barren and Blessed" and it reminded me that D processes this stuff differently than I do.  He can't respond to things immediately, especially when money is involved.  I need to tell him information and let him process for a few days, instead of freaking out when he doesn't respond right away.

I'm 10DPO today.  I've had light spotting for the past two days, but today it's become more of a light bleed.  

Good news and bad news

I talked to the billing lady at PPVI and got the cost for the various procedures.  Dr. Hilgers and the hospital are in network, so we only have 20% to pay.  I don't know the hospital cost, but I'm guessing a minimum total cost with all procedures/labs it will be at least $17,000.  That means we have at least $4,000 to pay out of pocket.   However, I'm not sure if we are going to be able to ever afford to actually do anything, since we aren't going to go into debt again to do it.  D has basketball tonight, and of course he wouldn't give me a time frame other than 10 years (which I think is a joke...maybe).  If he wasn't joking, then we are totally screwed.  I'm actually thinking that it's going to be around fall 2011 (around my 31st birthday) based on looking at our finances.  That means that I can't replace my computer which is continuously saying that the hard drive is full is, runs pretty slowly, and the case is physically broken.  I don't know if we are ever going to be able to afford adoption either if we can't have biological children.

I am 8 DPO/Peak+7 and I've had some spotting/bleeding so there's a 99% chance that I'm already out for this cycle.  I might be able to do the hormone series, which is supposedly covered under my insurance at 100%, the next cycle or the one after but I'll believe it when I see it.  There's a good chance that I have almost 3 more years of this crap to deal with.  I think I need to get a weekend job.  The problem is finding one where I could work 8 hours on Saturday and Sunday, plus be able to go to church.  I'm really in a freak out mode right now.  I need to pray about this when I do my evening prayer tonight.

D is talking to me again since Sunday.

Waiting

I'm still spotting/bleeding, but it's not heavy enough to count as my period yet.  It looks like it'll be another time where I'm bleeding for at least 20 straight days (I'm already at 10).  I've been feeling sad and stressed.  My 5 1/2 year old computer is falling apart, but it's going to be a while before we can get a new one. we won't have our credit card balances paid off until July and then we have to save up for a computer.  My car (2001 Honda) is still in good shape, but it's in for a major service costing about $600 since it's got almost 150,000 miles on it and we plan to keep it for hopefully about 5 more years.  

I contacted PPVI since it's been almost 6 weeks since they receive my letter.  They said that Dr. Hilgers will hopefully be working on the response this weekend.  She took my email address and will email me the letter when it's ready, so that's good news.  Most likely, I won't be able to do anything until next cycle unless the response is on Monday or Tuesday.  Of course testing and treatment will cost money.

I know I shouldn't be worrying about things as much as I am.  I need to work on putting things in God's hands.  I'm almost finished reading Left to Tell; I need to be more like Immaculee, her faith in such harrowing circumstances is amazing.

12/13 DPO

I'm nearing the end of my LP.  I'm in the phase where I'm constantly checking for spotting or bleeding, and I'm off work so I'm less distracted from it.  The good news is that there's no spotting yet.  I've never had an LP longer than 12 days except on progesterone, so the next cycle should be here by the end of the day tomorrow.

Since I didn't ovulate until CD 35 or 36, I'm actually at the longest cycle length I've had since TTC (today is CD 48).

I was going to go to the 9:45 Mass today, but my husband is still sick and therefore snorning.  It isn't very loud, but when I wake up in the night I can't get back to sleep.  I'm very lucky that he only snores when he's sick; it would be really hard for me if he snored normally.  So the point of that was that I slept in until about 9:30, so I'll have to go to 6pm Mass.

9/10 DPO and Dr. Hilgers got my letter

I'm currently 9/10 DPO (P+8).  Both D and I have been sick for a while now.  D was up a couple times during the night, which kept me up too.  Luckily, I got off early today and was able to take a nap.  I have had a bit of a bloody nose since my nose has been messed up for a while.  CD 1 of cycle #15 should finally be here between Sunday and Tuesday, which will make it 47-49 days long.  Even if I o'd on the later day, our timing was still likely bad since it was late at night so the egg might have been degraded by then.  We'll have been married 17 months in a little over a week, and cycle #15 will have just started.

I got my acknowledgment from PPVI that Dr. Hilgers received my letter.  It was dated Tuesday.  The acknowledgment letter says that I should receive a reply within 6 weeks,  which will be around January 14 (when will have been married 18 months).  I'm really looking forward to receiving his reply.

I was supposed to have my 5th follow-up (it's by phone) on Wednesday, but it completely slipped my mind.  It's rescheduled for next Wednesday, and I put a reminder in Outlook.

 

I'm off all next week since the family I nanny for will be on vacation in D.isne.y Worl.d.  Hopefully the kids will be better by the tim   D said he would take a day some time next week, but he hadn't put in last time I asked.  We are going to go see a movie with our friend C tonight.  

I have about 2o of my 50 Christmas cards finish, and I'll be send the first batch early next week.  One of my goals for next week is to get the Christmas cards done.  I have been using my iPod's notes function to look at a text version of my address file.  That has allowed me to do cards while I'm working.  W (the little boy I nanny for) will try to mess with my computer if it's where he can reach, but he doesn't find the iPod as interesting.  

My Creighton Chart

I'm going to put a link to my Creighton Chart on the side. I put my Creighton Chart as well as my temps in a excel file which I will try to keep up to date. 

I haven't really talked about this cycle much since it's a break cycle, and zero chance of pregnancy.  Based on temps (and my most fertile mucus), I ovulated on CD 18.  That puts me at 7DPO. The good news is that I haven't had any bleeding. However, I've had white stamps (peak-type mucus) until yesterday, even though they were less fertile mucus (10CL or 10C/KL, 8C, 6C instead of 10KL for you Creighton charters) than CD 18.  I used my first green stamp yesterday.  However, I've already seen 6C today so I'll be using another white stamp today.  I'm guessing that I'll be going to yellow stamps in a couple cycles if I keep having this happen.  I should be ready to send my chart by Thanksgiving to Dr. Hilgers.

Waiting for CD 1

I'm currently at 13 DPO, so I'm a day past my usual LP and I still only have spotting. I don't know what's going on. I have only had two other non-medicated cycles where my LP has been 12 days. Maybe the Vitex did cause the bleeding. Our timing was bad enough, and I've been bleeding/spotting for so long that it would be pretty surprising if I was actually pregnant. My temp is being weird too. It had dropped yesterday (from 98.6 on Saturday at 6:00 to 98.1 at 6:45 Sunday) 45 minutes after I usually temp, but it was slightly high today (98.2) at 4:45 two hours earlier than yesterday. I just wish that I knew what was going on with my body, but this is not an unusual complaint from me. No, I haven't tested, and I won't unless my period hasn't shown up tomorrow (which will be 14 DPO). Surely, it'll be here by then, and the break cycle will start.

Today is my first follow-up for Creighton Model charting. I spent way too much time trying to get everything scanned into my computer, since my computer was being slow and some of the writing wasn't clear. Since I was trying to do that, I ended up staying up until 11:15 and I had to wake up at 5 this morning. I really hope to have time to take a nap this afternoon; I'm really tired.

I have gone to Mass the past three weeks. I'll discuss more later.

D and babies

D and I have had a couple of good talks this week about kids. I think that if in two to three years (which will be three to four years of trying), if I'm not pregnant then we'll start on the adoption process. He has said that he want to play with the kids that I nanny for. We also talked about Creighton Model and how that part of the reason that I wanted to do it is to help figure out what going wrong. We were over at a friend's house, and another friend had their one year old there. I held him for a second, and then D asked if he could hold him. D walked around with him for a while; it was very sweet. I hope and pray that one day he can walk around like that with our baby.

I'm still spotting, although it went to full on bleeding earlier this week and has lessened as of yesterday. I'm 11 DPO, so my period should be here tomorrow. Hopefully, the break/abstainance cycle will be on the shorter side, but we'll have to see. I would be so disappointed if it ended up being a o on CD 28 or later cycle.