Balance *Updated

D and K, with me in the background.

Update: She weighs 12 lbs, 15 oz so she gained 1 lb, 9 oz in 3 weeks or just over 8 oz a week.  I'm so happy!

I'm having a hard time right now finding balance right now.  I just feel very stressed out right now.  K has gone from taking about 16 ounces of formula a day to about 10 or so this past week.  I'd love to think that it's because she's getting more from me, but due to all the feeding drama we've had, I don't know.  She's pretty happy most of the time, especially compared to when she was younger before we started supplementing, but I just don't really have any confidence in the area of feeding anymore.  We are doing a weigh-in tomorrow so I'll know if she has gained well enough or not.  If not, I don't really know what we can do, as D has told me since I'm constantly offering and she just doesn't seem to want anymore.  I'll update with tomorrow's weight.  I'm still mainly supplementing at the breast, but she will take bottles now so she may take 1-2 ounces a day that way when she's too riled up to latch.

I'm having a hard time balancing my class, K's needs, housework, playing and interacting with K, and spending time with D.  K getting fed and diaper changes is obviously my priority, but I feel like everything else is not getting done as it should.  D works a lot so I try to make sure that the three of us spend time together when he's not.  I feel like I should be playing more with her than I do, but then I get behind on my other responsibilities.  Please pray that I can keep it together and figure out how to best balance everything.

A Day in the Life of the Blondies

Here what today was like.  D is working a lot this weekend so it's going to be a long day.  It probably seems like I'm feeding her a lot, but she only takes small amounts at a time and therefore eats more frequently.
5:30 am (later than it used to be, we'll see if this sticks)- K stirs and I bring her to bed to nurse
6:05 am- D's alarm goes off, D gets up to shower and get ready
6:30 am-  D tells me goodbye, gets his lunch and water and leaves for work since he needs to be there by 7am, K is nursing on and off but mostly sleeping somewhat restlessly, I go back to sleep for a little while
7:45 am- I wake up, take my morning pills, get her formula and everything else sorted out for feeding, and I got to turn on my computer
8:00 am- K is stirring, but I already have the shower on so I jump in for a quick shower
8:15 am- K is up for the day. I get dressed, change K's diaper (twice since she decides to poop right as I put on the new one) and put on her daytime clothes (she picks which of two outfits to wear), I grab a granola bar to eat to get me until at least her first nap
8:30 am - I throw in a load of laundry while K rolls around the pack & play
8:35 am - we go sit on the couch  in our library/office roomso she can feed, I nurse her and supplement at the breast, I check email, etc.
8:50 am- another diaper change, I try to feed K again, but she doesn't want to eat anymore, so I put her in her chair so I can get the meatball mix made for tonight's dinner
9:30 am- meatballs mix is made and onions are cut up for spaghetti sauce, I'd like to do the garlic but K is starting to fuss so I take her back in the library, she sits on my lap while I do some stuff on the computer, then I start to feed her again
10:10 am- K falls asleep on the boppy on my lap, I work on my class while she naps, she briefly wakes to nurse/pacify on my breasts
10:45 am- K wakes because she can't roll over on my lap, I change her diaper, she desperately needed a diaper change since it was completely sopping wet.
11:00 am- I try to feed K again, she's not really interested, so I take her with me to the kitchen and get my lunch of pasta salad ready, I eat while she plays on her activity mat
11:30 am- K is done with playing on her mat so I pick her up to feed her again
11:45 am- K falls asleep on the boppy on my lap again, so I start to work on my class again.  Again K nurse, gets some supplement and pacifies herself during the nap.  I'm fine with this since it gives me the ability to work on my class instead of spending the time getting her into the pack and play gingerly and then have to get up when she wakes after only 20-40 minutes.
12:45 pm- K is up again, so it's time for another diaper change.  She spits up down my back so I have to clean that up.
1:00 pm- I fold and put away laundry while K plays in the pack and play.  I take K in her room and put away her clothes and eat some cereal, while she plays with her stuffed turtles on her quilt.
1:20 pm- K eats again
1:30 pm- K plays while sitting on my lap.  Time for another diaper change and then we get ready to go to the store to pick up a few things.
2:00 pm- We go to buy a belt since mine broke, then we go to the grocery store.  I change K's diaper in the parking lot after shopping, feed her then change her again.
3:45 pm- K falls asleep on the ride home, so I get her and the groceries out of the car.  She sleeps in her car seat while I work on dinner.
4:20 pm- K is up. I put the food in the oven and get ready to feed her.  I give her another diaper change.
4:45 pm- K sits in her chair while I pull out the meatballs and get the water going for noodles.  She gets fussy so I try to feed her, but she isn't in the mood.  I carry her around for a while, and I get dishes put in the dishwasher.  I put her back in her chair so I can dump the water and eat my dinner.
5:30 pm- Back in the library, K feeds for a few minutes.
5:40 pm- Time for another diaper change.  I get the diaper wash going while K is in the pack and play.
5:50 pm- I put K on the activity mat to play for a little while.  She should be getting sleepy, but her afternoon sleep wasn't great since I took her out for 2 hours and she didn't sleep until we were almost home, so she's probably a little overtired and fighting it.
6:10 pm- I feed K, she's almost asleep but D calls right then and my phone is in my pocket. Nap fail.
6:20 pm- Another diaper change, and I go ahead and give her a bath.  As I'm getting the water ready, she pees on the towel I have under her, but thankfully it was just there for that exact reason.  She has a happy bath time, gets clean and plays with her turtleduck.  I put on her pjs.
6:50 pm- I feed her again, and she falls asleep on the boppy on my lap.
8:20 pm- She wakes up, eats a little bit.
8:30 pm- I put her chair while I clean the kitchen a little bit and start the dishwasher.
8:40 pm- I change her diaper, add the detergent to the diaper wash, plays on her quilt, and eats again for a very short time.
9:10 pm- D calls to say he's on his way home and I get his dinner warmed up.
9:30 pm- D gets home and eats. We watch a bit of Doctor Who on DVD.  I try to feed K some more, but she's not interested so I go change her diaper.
10:40 pm- K finally falls asleep (she's not usually up that late but she been on the past few days, plus she was excited that her daddy was home), I get some things cleaned up and ready for the morning
11:15 pm- I go to bed

Traveling

This weekend was pretty rough because K didn't sleep well since she was overstimulated due to traveling, so I had a hysterical baby who wouldn't eat or nap.  We had to drive her all around the neighborhoods in our hometown to get her to nap.  D is actually driving her around right now since she was basically hysterical when we got home from church this evening since it, of course, went long when she was already tired.  I feel like a terrible mother when her naps get so messed up and she gets hysterical.  I'm very tired; I went to bed after midnight both days this weekend since one night I had to walk her around my IL's neighborhood at 11pm (thankfully they live in a very safe area) and the other I stayed up after K went to sleep to watch a show with D since I hadn't really got to spend much time with him.  I'm stressed out about getting my online class done so that I can hopefully get a job soon (working from home), but I've got a while left.  I probably won't be commenting much for a while although I'll might have time to read.  Need some prayers that I can handle all the stress.

Prayers for a Blogger

Amazing Life asked me to pass along a prayer request for Maria at Living in Lewis Land, who lost her husband tragically this weekend.  The funeral is today at 11 am central time.  Please pray for their family, especially Maria and their 3-year-old daughter Gianna.

K's 4 month appointment, pictures and video

K had her 4-month appointment Tuesday.  She weighed 11 pounds, 6 ounces (up 5 ounces this week and almost a pound in the last two weeks) and she's 23 inches tall.  Her pediatrician said that she has a good amount and ratio of fat and muscle, so she's probably just going to be small (big surprise :).  We are staying at the current amount of supplement and she'll do a weigh-in in two weeks.  I was hoping that she'd be able to lessen the supplement, but we'll have to wait on that I guess.

The doctor was really impressed with her motor skills and she's definitely advanced on her physical development, according to him.  She did a tripod sit for him, and he was pretty amazed at how well she held herself up.

Here are some video and pictures of her skills

Just being smiley in her pjs.

Practicing sitting in her pack-n-play.

Sitting in Dadda's chair.

Video of K scooting

Video of K sitting

K is 4 months

K turned 4 months today.  She can roll both ways, although she prefers rolling onto her tummy from her back.  She can move a couple of feet by rolling.  She will also move a couple feet by scooting her legs.  She also likes to make noises with her mouth, and she is practicing new sounds every day.  She loves to smile at her daddy and does a smile then looks coyly away.  She giggles and is very funny.

She's definitely adorable and we get comments about how cute she is wherever we go.  She's also super alert and loves to smile at people when we are out and about.  She's definitely getting more interested in playing with things.  She plays more with her rattle toys, and she tries to eat her diaper cover during diaper changes (don't worry, we don't let her actually put it in her mouth).  She plays with my shirt and the tubes while I feed her.

She's been having some napping issues lately.  She has a very small window in which to get her down for a nap, and if something messes that up she tends to get herself crazy overtired and hysterical.  She's been having poor timing on dirty diapers and tending to have one right about the time she's in the nap window.  When I do get her down for a good nap, she'll sleep about 2 hours, although she'll usually wake up and fuss but go back to sleep on her own.  Nights have always been better for her sleep, and she does give a 5-6 hour stretch most nights.  She goes to bed at 10 or a little after most and sleeps until 7 or 8 (with a few nursings in there), although after 6 it's kind of fitful sleep.  She nurses before sleeping and then usually at 3 or 4 and then 6 off and on until she's up for the day.  I have no desire for her to nurse any less, so I'm willing to put up with interrupted sleep.

She's still doing about 14 oz of formula a day, and we are still supplementing at the breast.  We are using the tube placed directly into a bottle, and she controls the flow. She gained 10 ounces last week and hopefully if her gain is good tomorrow, we can talk about very slowly (like reducing 2-3 ounces a week) weaning her off of the supplement.  I'd love to have her off formula if possible and I'm hoping that we can get my supply to cover her needs.  If not, we'll be starting solids right at 6 months and I hope that after that point we can be doing just breastmilk and solids.

I definitely will do some things differently if we are able to have another child.  I'll be doing weight checks every week or two starting at two weeks until we are confident about weight gain.  I won't be doing the crazy traveling that we did; no traveling out of the city until at least 2 months old.  Anyone who wants to see us can come to us.  I'll also start pumping earlier and try to have a stockpile if I can.

I feel like I'm finally getting this being a mother to K down, even though there are definitely challenging times each day.  Also, I feel like D and I are getting on the same page about things and working better as a parent team most of the time.  Don't get me wrong, when she's gotten overtired and is hysterical, I still get pretty stressed, but it's not as soul-crushing to me.

Quick Weight Update

K gained 10 ounces this past week!  She's now 11 lbs, 1 oz.  She has her 4 month appointment next week and we'll probably be re-evaluating the supplement level then.