Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The Story of Mr. & Mrs. Blondie Part 1

D and I met about 7 years ago in the summer of 2001. We were at a mutual friend from church's house, who was also a friend of my brother, and we were swimming. I don't remember the exact date, but I do remember sitting on the outdoor couch next to him in my bathing suit (and I know which bathing suit) and towel. I knew from the moment I met D that I wanted to be with him, but at the time he was dating someone else and had been for about a year. He remembers meeting me and how he thought that M (my brother)'s sister was cute. At the time we met, D and I were different colleges in different cities, so we only saw each other during summers and Christmas break at church or when friends got together.

I graduated in December 2001, and moved back with my parents while I waited to start graduate school. During that spring, I actually ended up becoming friends with D's ex-girlfriend (they broke up in early spring 2002) because we were both going on the World Youth Day 2002 trip to Toronto. During that summer, I ended up spending a lot of time with D, but most of the time his ex was there. Since he was friends with my brother, he also spent time at our house. We had a splash fight in a hot tub at party when everyone else had gone inside. At some point in time that summer, I ended up telling D that I was interested in him, but I was still friends with his ex and the break-up was too new and he wasn't interested. Obviously, the story doesn't end here, but it's a good stopping point for now.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

CD 3

Some thoughts that are not really connected to each other:

One of the bloggers, who underwent IVF and got a BFN, got her BFP on a unmedicated cycle. She even had days of spotting. It has given me some hope that it might eventually happen for us.

When I talked to my Creighton Model teacher, she said that my peak day was CD 20. My BBT shows ovulation on CD 18, so they definitely are not matching up.

I'm planning my parents' 30th anniversary party, which is in November. I'm calling and arranging for the resturant, and scheduling out the rest of the day. I'm pretty much the coordinator, since I'm a planner and I have three younger brothers.

D's best friend is getting married next June and D will be a groomsman. The couple had broken up, then his friend proposed and the girl said no. When they got back together, they started planning the wedding. They are just starting to tell people, since they have the church and reception site arranged.

I won't be pregnant before my 28th birthday, since it's October 11 and we're not having sex this cycle. I only have 3 more chances to even have a baby before I'm 29.

Monday, September 22, 2008

CD 1, Cycle #13, Break Cycle

My period finally started this afternoon. I hope that this break cycle is on the shorter side. My first follow-up for Creighton Model is in about 3o minutes. I don't have much else to say right now.

Waiting for CD 1

I'm currently at 13 DPO, so I'm a day past my usual LP and I still only have spotting. I don't know what's going on. I have only had two other non-medicated cycles where my LP has been 12 days. Maybe the Vitex did cause the bleeding. Our timing was bad enough, and I've been bleeding/spotting for so long that it would be pretty surprising if I was actually pregnant. My temp is being weird too. It had dropped yesterday (from 98.6 on Saturday at 6:00 to 98.1 at 6:45 Sunday) 45 minutes after I usually temp, but it was slightly high today (98.2) at 4:45 two hours earlier than yesterday. I just wish that I knew what was going on with my body, but this is not an unusual complaint from me. No, I haven't tested, and I won't unless my period hasn't shown up tomorrow (which will be 14 DPO). Surely, it'll be here by then, and the break cycle will start.

Today is my first follow-up for Creighton Model charting. I spent way too much time trying to get everything scanned into my computer, since my computer was being slow and some of the writing wasn't clear. Since I was trying to do that, I ended up staying up until 11:15 and I had to wake up at 5 this morning. I really hope to have time to take a nap this afternoon; I'm really tired.

I have gone to Mass the past three weeks. I'll discuss more later.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

D and babies

D and I have had a couple of good talks this week about kids. I think that if in two to three years (which will be three to four years of trying), if I'm not pregnant then we'll start on the adoption process. He has said that he want to play with the kids that I nanny for. We also talked about Creighton Model and how that part of the reason that I wanted to do it is to help figure out what going wrong. We were over at a friend's house, and another friend had their one year old there. I held him for a second, and then D asked if he could hold him. D walked around with him for a while; it was very sweet. I hope and pray that one day he can walk around like that with our baby.

I'm still spotting, although it went to full on bleeding earlier this week and has lessened as of yesterday. I'm 11 DPO, so my period should be here tomorrow. Hopefully, the break/abstainance cycle will be on the shorter side, but we'll have to see. I would be so disappointed if it ended up being a o on CD 28 or later cycle.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Ike updates

My parents and D's parents are both having phone problems and don't have electricity. They probably won't have electricity for 2 weeks or more. We ended up losing electricity for about 16 hours and the center of the Tropical Storm was about 90 miles away from NW Louisiana. D's parents may come stay with us for a little while, and I'm trying to find my parents a generator, but the closest one is north of Oklahoma City.

I'm going to stop the Vitex to see if that stops the bleeding. I'm still bleeding.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Spotting at 3 DPO...what a surprise

Well, I guess our timing sucking doesn't matter since I've already got a little bit of spotting at 3 DPO/Peak+2. Conceivably (ha!), it could stop but based on the past three cycles, it probably won't. Ugh.

Thursday, September 11, 2008


Due to the distraction of Ike, I forgot to mention the sad anniversary that is today. As most adults do, I remember where I was when I heard about the terrorist attacks. I was staying with my grandparents for the last semester of college (I graduated in December) and my mom called right before I was leaving to drive to school. My grandparents turned on the TV after the second tower had been hit. I left to drive the 70 miles to school and I listened to the radio the whole way up. As I drove, both the towers fell.

It's strange to me how long ago it was and that children don't remember that day and really understand what we're remembering. I pray that everyone who lost anyone in the attacks is able to find peace, and that our country will continue to be protected from further attacks.


We were planning on going to visit our parents in Houston this weekend since we haven't been back in a while (June). It's also my dad's birthday on Saturday. However, it looks like Hurricane Ike is going to hit near Houston, so we won't go unless the track changes significantly soon. Our parents both live in the same town, about 70 miles from the coast, so it's not going to be pleasant if Ike hits but they don't have to evacuate either. I'll probably end up going in two weeks instead, and hopefully D will come too.

Well, in other news, it looks like I either o'd on Monday or Tuesday, so I'm probably 2/3 DPO. We did have sex last night, but our timing doesn't look good either way.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Good news and bad news

The good news is that I most likely oed on CD 17, which was Monday. The bad news is that our timing sucked. We only had sex on Friday, O-3. Next cycle is our break cycle. I'm very sad and frustrated. I didn't sleep well and D didn't come home until 11 from the bar and I was upset with him. I don't feel well and I won't be able to take a nap because the middle school band practices right outside my bedroom window. D is so stressed out about work and stuff that he's on a hair trigger. Not a good day for me today.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Two normal cycles

I just realized that since I started charting in June 07, I have had two normal cycles (well normal for me). In July 07 and Nov 07, I oed on CD 21 and didn't have spotting or bleeding after o other than right before FP. Every other cycle has had either late o, significant spotting/bleeding after o, or was a medicated cycle. Twelve cycles, 9 of those non-medicated, and only 2 normal ones. No wonder we are having problems.

I'm pissed at D right now. He went out to a bar after work, and didn't call to let me know. When I talked to him at 7, he said he'd be home in an hour. I called at 8:15 and 8:30 and got no answer. I then called the friend he was with, who didn't answer but called me back at 8:45. It is 9 and I haven't seen him yet. I'm really pissed off, especially since I should o by Friday, so we should be having sex. It probably won't happen though since he's had a bit to drink and it'll be too late in his mind by the time he gets home. I understand wanting to go out with work friends after a bad day, but he needs to be more considerate about it. He needs to call and give me a heads up and then be home when he says he will unless he calls to let me know. I don't know that he would have called me at all had I not called him.

Cycle #13 will be a break cycle

When you start the Creighton Model, you are supposed to abstain the first full cycle if you are infertile. That cycle is of course the one with my birthday and would have a EDD right before our anniversary. The timing and taking a break that I wasn't planning makes me sad. D wants to do the system right, so we'll be taking off cycle #13. Cycle #14 should start near the end of October, so unless we have a miracle this month we'll be at 16 months of trying before we have a chance again. I wish that we had started learning Creighton before the wedding.

I think he gets it...and I've been tagged

D and I actually had a pretty good conversation last night about our lack of success in getting pregnant. He admitted that he had a precipitous drop in his sex drive compared to the beginning of our relationship, and I suggested that he could get some testing done. I don't know how long it will be before he is actually is willing to go in for an appointment, but I'm going to try to convince him to do it soon. It's possible it's just stress from work, but it's better to get tested. I get frustrated because it's difficult to get him to have sex when it needs to happen in my fertile time. I'm still waiting to o, and we haven't had sex since Friday. I'm really hoping that I can get him to do it tonight.

He also said that he didn't expect it to take so long to get pregnant. He even asked if I'm discouraged, I said yes but I don't want to waste any chances either though.

I've been tagged by E-Sharp. I'm very excited; I've never been tagged before.

The Rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you
2. Post the rules on your blog
3. Write 6 random things about yourself
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them
5. Let each person you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is posted.

6 random things about me:
1. I really like to learn about languages, mainly linguists and the relationships between languages, even though I'm not really good at hearing other languages.
2. I love tomatoes, and I'll eat them like you would an apple.
3. I hate dealing with my hair. I rarely blowdry it or curl it; I usually just comb it and let it airdry.
4. I love science. I minored in biology and when I was teaching I taught science and math. I plan to eventually go back to school, possibly for genetic counseling.
5. I'm a huge planner. D get annoyed with me since I'll try to plan things months in advance. I've wanted to ask people about Thanksgiving and Christmas plans, but I know that they won't have an answer since it's too early.
6. My hair is gold, not blonde not brown but gold (at least in my mind).

I'm tagging:


Monday, September 8, 2008

Starting Creighton Model charting

I got my packet to start Creighton Model charting. Since I'm use to charting with sympto-thermal NFP, it seems like it should be pretty easy to learn. The one thing that I'm concerned about is that we are supposed to abstain for a complete cycle to have confidence in correctly charting CM. I contacted my instructor to see if we can get clearance to go ahead for the cycle and just doing the seminal fluid instructions, since I'm pretty confident in my ability to chart CM. I'm not planning on ditching my thermometer right now; I want my BBT as a backup.

I went to church on Sunday, 9:30 mass, but D didn't go with me. It was easier to go then as compared to if I waited until a later mass, where I get distracted by the day's events. I got up specifically to go to mass, so it made it easier.

I'm on CD 17, waiting to o. I have a bit of a headache and earache right now, which I'm pretty sure is allergies. I especially don't like feeling icky pre-o or in the LP since I don't feel comfortable take sudafed or anything for congestion then.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

It's funny

I was thinking back to last September, and how anxious I was to have a baby and how upset I was about our timing that month. I really wanted a June baby, since I was teaching then. It actually seems that I get less sad when I get FP and crying than I did in those first couple months. I think part of it is that I've resigned myself to the fact that there's probably a problem. Even during the Clomid cycles, I had a bit more hope. The last couple ones have been pretty obviously doomed right after ovulation because of the spotting/bleeding.

I do hope that charting with the Creighton Model will help and that Dr. Hilger's will have some suggestions on what might be wrong and how to go forward. I won't be able to send in my chart until mid-November, so it'll be probably December before we might have answers. December will be 17 months, cycle 15.

I feel disappointed about not being pregnant, but the way it hurt is less acute but more widespread. I guess that I'm lucky that we got the stressful timed sex out of the way in the earlier cycles and are able to be more relaxed during now. I'm waiting to o right now; it's CD 15 so I should o by next Friday hopefully.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Back to Work

I finally went back to work after Gustav; the last of the people for which I nanny's relatives left today. I was nice to have a break and I was able to get D's Christmas present, which I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to get. S, the little girl, has had a couple of bad days at school; she's forgotten how to listen it seems.

I got ordered the Introductory Packet for the Creighton Model, and my long-distance teacher called me this morning. I hope to begin charting before I o because otherwise all I might have is a chart full of bleeding. The packet went out in today's mail so I hope it might be here by Monday or Tuesday.

I'm currently on CD 14, just waiting to o. I have EWCM and I don't know whether to count last cycle as o on CD 16 or CD 26 so I'll have to see if I o soon or if it's normal CD 21. I'm planning to do an OPK and see if I'm surging yet. I don't usually get a positive until the day of o, but I'm going to go ahead and test anyways.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Something I've been thinking but haven't been able to put into words

This Cross I Embrace wrote a post a few weeks back about infertility vs. recurrent miscarriage that is something that I've been thinking for a little while. It's controversial and someone who's had a loss might not agree, but I feel the same way she does.


I have be feeling a call lately to go back to church and to learn more about my faith. I don't know that we would have ever considered ART but we definitely won't do them now. I do need to find out what the problems are, especially what's causing my bleeding. I'm hoping that D will be ok with learning the Creighton Model and having Dr. Hilgers look at my chart, sooner rather than later. The only problem that he might have is wanting to wait for financial reasons, and I'm going to talk to him tonight to get his opinion on it.

I'm trying to figure out what other than prayer and Church that I need to be doing to learn about my faith. Thankfully, I have a brother who co-founded a religious community (I'm not quite comfortable posting the link to their website here since it has a lot of IRL information), but I'm also looking for suggestions.

Hurricane Gustav has actually given me the last few days off since the family I nanny for had the extended family up for W's birthday, and they haven't back to southern Louisiana yet due to Gustav.

Monday, September 1, 2008

CD 10

I stopped bleeding Friday, but I had some spotting yesterday. I'm really hoping that it's done with or will be soon since I've been spotting or bleeding 58 days since the beginning of June (when all this craziness started). If it was all put together I've been spotting or bleeding 2 whole months out of the past three.

D caught my cold and has had a bad cough for 4 or 5 days now. It's actually bad enough that it kept me up a lot of last night, until he went to see in the other room. I'm really hoping that he'll be better soon; it bothers me so much to not be able to make him feel better.

W, the boy that I nanny, had his first birthday on Saturday. D and I went to the party, and it was a pretty good time. D had never met them, so it was nice that he went with me. W was funny since he won't let some of his relatives hold him but he'd practically try to jump into my arms.

Despite my strong political feelings, I generally avoid political discussions since I tend to avoid conflict. However, I was so happy when I heard about McCain picking Palin as his VP running mate. I'm so glad he picked a good pro-life, conservative and the cherry on top is that she's a woman.

I've decided that it's time for me to go back to church. I haven't really been going since we moved here about 2 years ago, but I actually taught for a few months at the school connected to the parish. It's also where the older two kids I that I nanny go to school (one's in 6th grade and the other in PK-3). I don't think that D will go with me, even though he's Catholic too. I was reading a blog that has been pushing me to get back into it, and they also talk about the Creighton Model which is something I'm going to look into. I just wish that there was something closer than where we used to live.