Cycle Review

I finally had my cycle review with PPVI just a little while ago (I'm on CD 5).  Dr. H wants D and I to do cyclical antibiotics for the next 7 cycles.  I'll start this cycle since I rarely peak before CD 16.  They will usually be CD 1-10.  Does anyone have a recommendation on probiotics?

I guess I never mentioned that Dr. H. decided to hold off trying PIO until seeing if there is some improvement from the antibiotics, so I haven't done PIO at all yet.  Hopefully I won't have any bleeding this cycle, but we'll have to see.  My progesterone was 31 and my estrogen was 18.4.  The progesterone is about average for me, but the estrogen is lower than what I've had previously.  Dr. H says the levels are good though.

The one thing that I didn't get any answers on yet was my P+3 u/s.  They do have the disk, but the PPVI u/s techs haven't looked at it and done their report yet.  I asked that they call me once they have the results.

I told D yesterday that I thought that we should continue treatment only until my 31st birthday in October 2011 at which time I'll be about 18 months/cycle out from surgery and we'll have been TTC for over 4 years, and D agreed.  At that time we'll start discussing, looking into, and saving for adoption.  We haven't ever had a serious discussion of adoption, so I wanted D to start thinking about it so that if we get to October 2011 without conceiving we can have that discussion.  We won't TTA after that time, but unless something changes diagnosis-wise, etc we won't be as actively trying.

On a somewhat related topic

I think I may eventually need to go back to school to study biomedical science (I could hopefully do a masters or PhD program) because other than homeschooling, one of the things I'd really like to do is to actually be involved in the research into infertility (as a researcher not a participant).  If only I'd know this 8-10 years ago in college before I started my graduate work (which I didn't end up finishing) in developmental psychology (which I did love, I just couldn't stand the writing part and a couple other things).  Another thing I'd like to do if I went back to school is statistics, which I did really well in during graduate school.  I want to figure out what I'm going to do if I can't stay home or be a nanny.

Where to next and worries about IF and health care reform

Now that I'm about 2 weeks (17 days to be exact) from my surgery, I'm starting to think about what to do if there are problems other than what Dr. H looks for/finds.  What if I have implantation failure?  I don't know if I can afford to go see Dr. K.wak-K.im (in Chicago, TCIE is being treated by her).  I'd like to know whether the implantation zone of  my endometrium is getting sufficient blood flow.  Unless adoption falls into our laps (like might be happening for Sew), we couldn't afford to adoption for a couple more years.  I'm ready for the surgery to be done and to know what treatments we might need (or if he was able to clean out a moderate level of endo).  The good news is that my change in diet (based Fe.rtility, Cyc.les and Nu.trition) seems to have stopped my crazy spotting.  I can't guarantee it since this is only the third full cycle (and I'm only P+4) since I started it, but even D said that there was a difference.

Now that the Senate is getting close to passing health care reform, I'm getting worried.  I know that it doesn't go into effect for about 3 years, but I worry about whether IF people, especially us Catholic who want to treat the underlying causes and not do ART, will be able to get the treatment we want and need.  I don't know if there are any provisions in there about IF (IF is pretty much only on the radar of those who are dealing/have dealt with it).  Yes, changes need to be made to the health care system, but I'm very weary of the government (and especially this administration) being involved in it.

Thyroid study, waiting to o and other stuff

I did my temps and pulses last week for the Thyroid Study. My ave. temp was about 98.1 (pre-Peak), but my pulse was almost always between 80-90. I definitely have a family history of thyroid issues on my dad's side of the family (grandmother, great-aunt, aunt, and cousin all have diagnosed issues).

I'm still just charting yellow stickers (I'm using them both pre- and post-peak now) with 6C or 8C, so I'm guessing I'm not going to o on CD 16 like last month. Oh well, I doubt that the physical conditions in my uterus are such that pregnancy is probable before my surgery.

D and I are trying to decide if November or December will be better for the surgery, but he has to think about it some more. D probably won't be able to come up to Omaha with me, but either my mom or my middle brother, M/BP, will try to come with me.

M/BP, the brother who is a Brother (in the monk/religious vow sense), is going to be going to seminary this fall. The other Brother recently finished seminary and once their order grows large enough he will be ordained.

I've got a bit of a stuffy nose, which is of course at a horrible time, being relatively close to and before ovulation. I know that "normal/fertile" people get pregnant after taking Sudafed, but we are getting close to two years of trying and I want to maximize our chances.

D and I have a bit of traveling coming up soon. His cousin gets married in about 10 days in NJ. His best friend gets married in late June in St. Louis. We are also going to visit my dad's side of the family in the Pacific Northwest in August. We are only flying to the first wedding; the rest of the trips will be by car.

Blood draws are done!!!

My arms are very happy. I'll be sending the blood off tomorrow, and then I have to wait a while for the results.

The spotting returned yesterday at 10 DPO/Peak+8, but it's relatively light especially compared to what I've had previously. I've been feeling a bit sick, my sinuses and throat hurt and I just feel a bit lethagic. I pretty much have just sat around for the past two days, and I slept most of yesterday. I had some stuff I wanted to do around the house and in the yard, but I just haven't felt up to it. I'm hoping that I'll feel better tomorrow, it will be a long day otherwise.

Tuesday will most likely be CD 1, and our final chance for 2009. However, I don't expect anything to happen until I'm undergoing some sort of treatment. I'm supposed to call in July to get my surgery hopefully scheduled in December. I think there's a good chance that we won't really have a shot until next year; we'll be lucky to have a baby by the end of 2010.

Good news and bad news

I talked to the billing lady at PPVI and got the cost for the various procedures.  Dr. Hilgers and the hospital are in network, so we only have 20% to pay.  I don't know the hospital cost, but I'm guessing a minimum total cost with all procedures/labs it will be at least $17,000.  That means we have at least $4,000 to pay out of pocket.   However, I'm not sure if we are going to be able to ever afford to actually do anything, since we aren't going to go into debt again to do it.  D has basketball tonight, and of course he wouldn't give me a time frame other than 10 years (which I think is a joke...maybe).  If he wasn't joking, then we are totally screwed.  I'm actually thinking that it's going to be around fall 2011 (around my 31st birthday) based on looking at our finances.  That means that I can't replace my computer which is continuously saying that the hard drive is full is, runs pretty slowly, and the case is physically broken.  I don't know if we are ever going to be able to afford adoption either if we can't have biological children.

I am 8 DPO/Peak+7 and I've had some spotting/bleeding so there's a 99% chance that I'm already out for this cycle.  I might be able to do the hormone series, which is supposedly covered under my insurance at 100%, the next cycle or the one after but I'll believe it when I see it.  There's a good chance that I have almost 3 more years of this crap to deal with.  I think I need to get a weekend job.  The problem is finding one where I could work 8 hours on Saturday and Sunday, plus be able to go to church.  I'm really in a freak out mode right now.  I need to pray about this when I do my evening prayer tonight.

D is talking to me again since Sunday.

With regard to the letter from Dr. Hilgers, plus a cycle update

A couple of people have commented on my last post about the letter from Dr. Hilgers, so I thought I would make a post response instead of replying to each.

• I live in NW Louisiana for those who didn't know.  I am not aware of a Napro doctor close by.
  
• When the nurse calls on Tuesday, I'm going to find out about my options for treatment and prices (and how to find out about insurance coverage).  
• I'm going to see if the bloodwork can be done locally so I could get it done relatively soon.  I would also try to see about getting the u/s series done locally if possible.
• Since our parents are from Houston, if there is a doctor in Houston since that would be easier than going to Omaha.  
• I haven't talked to D yet about everything since we went out with a friend of ours last night and he's working today.
• I have to see if my employers (I'm a nanny) have any upcoming vacations since that would make it easier for me to go either to Houston or to Omaha.
  
• I can't really make any decisions until I've talked to the nurse on Tuesday and have more information.  I'm going to try not to worry about it too much until then.
• I'm very much looking forward to moving forward in getting my body healthy and normalized.

Cycle update:

I'm on CD 14, and I've had 10C/KL (very fertile EWCM for non-Creighton charters) since CD 10.   We took advantage of Wednesday as a day of fertility, and I'm hoping to use today too.  If I o at my normal time, I've still got a week to go (aaahhh).  

I got a St. Anne medal and a Miraculous Medal on Thursday when I went to the local Catholic bookstore, and I started a Novena yesterday to St. Anne.  Gram (D's grandma) enrolled us in The Central Association of the Miraculous Medal for our anniversary.

Nothing yet

I haven't yet received anything from Dr. Hilgers.  I knew that there was only a small chance that I would be getting my response by today, but I was hoping that it would come.  I guess there's a possibility that testing could get started this cycle, but I think that every day that goes by makes it less likely.

I've had pretty strong cramps all day.  I don't know if they bothered me more since all I had to do today was get the kids I nanny for to and from school (the parents are out of town and grandma is watching the little one during the day).  They seem stronger than what I've had in the last few months (although there in line with what I've had before).

D played basketball yesterday, and he went to go work out after work today.  Hopefully this is the beginning of a good habit.  Now I just need to get him to take his vitamins regularly; he's horrible about remembering.

I finally got around to registering at our parish.  I started going to Mass regularly in September, but D had said that he might look for a new job and we might move (not in the cards for now).  I put on the registration that I'd be interested in VITA, the pro-life ministry.  I hope that I'll be able to find a good way to volunteer and also get to know some people at church.  Currently, I only know the teachers at the church school and the parents and students I taught for 2 months last year (before realizing that teaching is not how I want to spend my life).  

N, the oldest child of the family I nanny for, is in the grade with the kids that I taught.  It's funny to spend so much time at that school now.  S, the 3-year-old girl, is in PK-3 there too.  S has been have more behavior problems at school after Christmas.  She had some problems with listening and following directions at the beginning of the year, but she had been doing pretty well before Christmas.  However, it seems like she has reverted during the break.  Since I'm the one who picks her up, I am the one who hears about the day from her teachers (they send a note as well when she has a "red" (poor behavior) day).  She is a very willful girl, and doesn't do to well with respecting authority.  She is very smart so she is the youngest in her class, which can be a big deal at 3.  The little boy, W, is 16 1/2 months and is very funny.  He talks a little, but get very frustrated when you don't understand or take something from him.  He's generally very sweet though (despite headbutts of love).  He always comes to me when I come over, even when it's not for work, and wants me to hold him or hug him.  

I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life (careerwise).  I hope to be able to be a SAHM after we have kids, but I'll probably go back to work once they are all in school.  I don't know what I want to do then , but I'd like to figure it out in the near future.  It's something that I try to remember to pray about.

D and babies

D and I have had a couple of good talks this week about kids. I think that if in two to three years (which will be three to four years of trying), if I'm not pregnant then we'll start on the adoption process. He has said that he want to play with the kids that I nanny for. We also talked about Creighton Model and how that part of the reason that I wanted to do it is to help figure out what going wrong. We were over at a friend's house, and another friend had their one year old there. I held him for a second, and then D asked if he could hold him. D walked around with him for a while; it was very sweet. I hope and pray that one day he can walk around like that with our baby.

I'm still spotting, although it went to full on bleeding earlier this week and has lessened as of yesterday. I'm 11 DPO, so my period should be here tomorrow. Hopefully, the break/abstainance cycle will be on the shorter side, but we'll have to see. I would be so disappointed if it ended up being a o on CD 28 or later cycle.

Changes

I have be feeling a call lately to go back to church and to learn more about my faith. I don't know that we would have ever considered ART but we definitely won't do them now. I do need to find out what the problems are, especially what's causing my bleeding. I'm hoping that D will be ok with learning the Creighton Model and having Dr. Hilgers look at my chart, sooner rather than later. The only problem that he might have is wanting to wait for financial reasons, and I'm going to talk to him tonight to get his opinion on it.

I'm trying to figure out what other than prayer and Church that I need to be doing to learn about my faith. Thankfully, I have a brother who co-founded a religious community (I'm not quite comfortable posting the link to their website here since it has a lot of IRL information), but I'm also looking for suggestions.

Hurricane Gustav has actually given me the last few days off since the family I nanny for had the extended family up for W's birthday, and they haven't back to southern Louisiana yet due to Gustav.

Money and Infertility

This post is a C&P from the Nest. A girl C&P about a girl asking the multiples board a question about working with twins since she was about to undergo IVF and the C&Per commented in a way that was insulting to the original poster.

This was my reply:
Dealing with IF causes you to have to make difficult financial decisions. You have to save up to see an RE, for treatments, and still be able to afford the child that will hopefully be the end result of all of your expenses. Getting pregnant (even with treatments) is generally easier when you are younger, so time is not your friend. You have to balance what you can afford and debt with the fact that you have a limited amount of time. This is especially an issue if you are hoping to have more than one child (non-multiples). Multiples is a concern in IVF, but most REs limit the number of embryos transfered, again trying to strike a balance between increased likelihood of getting pregnant and the risk of multiple and the accompanying complications.

Additional comments:
The reason that we aren't currently pursuing treatment or additional testing is financial. D wants to be in a better financial position (with less debt) before we spend money on testing and treatment since our insurance doesn't cover IF. I don't even want to go back to my dr (ob/gyn) about the bleeding (still happening by the way) since they couldn't find any answers and it just seemed to be a waste of money. We can afford a child, but we can't afford testing and treatments right now to get a child. Thankfully I'm still under 30, so it's not as if we only have a year before AMA. When we do get testing and treatment, it will be through an RE and hopefully it will be around the beginning of the year (in less of course I get pregnant by then).

Edit (9/3/08): I have realized that it's a good thing that ART isn't covered by our insurance, although testing should be covered in my option. We might have jumped into ART without thinking about the morality of it. However, the financial aspect of dealing with IF is there whether you follow the Church's teaching or not. Treatments for the physical causes of IF are likely not covered under insurance for many people, and adoption is expensive as well.

When spotting is good

I'm actually to the point where I'm spotting instead of bleeding, and it's only CD 6. Now this may sound normal to most people, but I generally have 7 to 9 days of full on bleeding followed by spotting. I've only had shorter periods during cycles after clomid. I'm hoping that this means that the spotting/bleeding won't happen again this cycle. I'm not sure what I'd to if it happened again.

I'm really looking forward to D getting home on Friday. He may have to work on Sunday, but he should be in town all next week. We leave to head up to his sister's wedding and other than some separate wedding related stuff we'll be together all that week (which coincides with o week conveniently).

Good talk

D and I actually talked about the plan regarding involving doctors in the whole trying for a baby thing. We agreed that we would go back to just trying on our own until the end of the year (other than him hopefully getting an SA done). On the SA front, I told him that I just wanted to know what we were working with on his end.

I've got a major backache right now.

On the nanny front, it's been interesting since the boy (10 1/2 months old) is teething so he's cranky and the girl (almost 3 years old) is finally being weaned from the pacifier so she's got a nightmare attitude right now.

Future SA? and just spotting...6 DPO

This part is XP from TTC6+: D may finally be getting closer to being willing to get an SA done. He actually acknowledge the possibility that I might not be the only defective one. He's going to be OOT for work for at least the next two weeks, and then we go to my SIL's wedding, but after that he may actually get tested. I be happy as long as it's done in the next few months, preferably by my birthday in October.

I'm finally just spotting instead of full on bleeding. I get my progesterone tested tomorrow, but I won't have the results until sometime Monday.

Dr. appt...5 DPO

She thinks that my bleeding is due to poor ovulation, and that's it probably not endo. I'll be getting my progesterone bloodwork done on Saturday, and I'll have the results Monday (9 DPO). I don't know what to do since we can't afford to go to an RE yet, and I'm not sure right now that I want to do the 4th round of clomid. I guess if the levels are low, we'll end up doing it but it may not be until the following cycle, not this next one. One good thing is that the bleeding has slowed from yesterday.

I'm really sad and frustrated right now. I don't know what to do. I really wish that D was home because I need a hug, and he's not a big phone talker.

Travels etc.

We are going to Austin tonight when D gets back from Memphis and staying with my brother DF tonight. We are going to a July 4/cousin's birthday/aunt & uncle's 25 anniversary party tomorrow. We are staying in a hotel in Austin on Friday, and going to see my grandparents on Saturday.

I'm still waiting to o, which is good since D is out of town still. I'm not really expecting to o until Saturday anyways (CD 21). I haven't gotten a + OPK yet (or even close), but I'm kind of excited to try out the digital. I'm doing the regular line ones until I get what I think is a + or close, and I'm going to confirm with the digital.

I'm trying to decide if we should do the clomid next cycle or the following or just wait. We are still getting dr's bills from my last round in April. The few things that have been "covered" are part of our deductible.

One more round

I'll be doing one more round of clomid (I'm assuming 100 mg) with trigger next cycle (#11), unless this is one of my long cycles. My SIL's wedding is Aug. 8 and we'll be OOT from late Friday, August 1 to Sunday, August 10. If I have my standard CD 21 o and 11 day LP this cycle, then CD 14 of next cycle should be July 30 and hopefully I'd be triggering then. If this cycle is long, we'd just wait and do the clomid on cycle #12 in late August-early September.

I'm currently on CD 14, so I'll probably o next Saturday, July 5 (CD 21).

D has said quite a few sweet things in the last week, especially last night. I love him so much. I'm really looking forward to him being home during the week in another week or two. We're going to Austin for a party for my aunt, uncle and cousin on July 4th.

Bloodwork results back

CBC and thyroid are both normal. I was actually kind of hoping that my thyroid would be off since that's something that my insurance would have to cover treatment for. Since we can't afford to go to the RE right now, we may try one more round of clomid (my 4th) with my ob/gyn. I called DH so he can think about it.

I'm trying to figure out how to deal with the fact that we probably won't be moving forward to the RE for a while (at least 6 months or a year). This will especially be an issue if we don't do another round of clomid. I really just want to have some answers about what's going on and why it's taking a while, and I hate that I'm just having to keep waiting and hoping that it will work soon.

Three more cycles, then it's official

If this cycle and the next two fail, it will officially be infertility. The good news is that I have no reason to believe that I'll o before D gets back, but I'm also not sure that it will be before Tuesday (6/3, CD 21). I often have fertile CM for days before I actually o, and I'm just getting to watery CM. The pattern is pretty similar to what I usually have non-medicated and with those I haven't o'd before CD 21. I figured out that if my cycle are the usually CD 21 with 11-12 LP then I should be o'ing about 9 days (7/5) before our anniversary (also right after July 4). The next cycle I would be o'ing while we are in NY state for SIL's wedding (which is on 8/8).

BFN beta and plan for next cycle

My dr's office called to tell me that my beta was negative. I was expecting that due to the negative test that morning.

I'm going to be doing unmedicated cycles for a while, since the obgyn said that we need to move on to the RE to do any more treatment. DH wants to plan down some more of our debts before we start doing any treatments so we aren't going to go yet. My hope is to start testing in 6 months or so and we may wait until next April or so to do any treatment (assuming I don't get and stay pregnant in the meantime). I'm 27 so we have time, but I don't want to waiting too much longer than that.

I'm start Vitex today, with EPO and B6. DH hasn't had an SA, but I figure it's better to assume that there is improvement to be made. He is taking arginine, zinc, selenium, l-carnitine, and a multivitamin (he's also taking B1 and B6 for other reasons).