Happy Anniversary to Me...9 DPO

Today is our anniversary. D is out of town until Friday. We celebrated our anniversary on Saturday and had a good time, but I'm still very disappointed that he's not here.

We have been trying for a year now, although I o'd 2 days before the wedding so we didn't have a chance that cycle. Cycle #1 TTC officially started July 23. I'm actually still only in the 2ww of cycle #10 (9 DPO). Cycle #12 won't end until around mid-September . Depending on whether you count months or cycles, I'm close to an official label of "infertility", either 9 days or 2 months.

I should get my progesterone b/w results back sometime today.

D has decided he wants to try yoga, so I put some of the podcast workouts that I do and a couple for weight loss and love handles. I hope that he likes them; it would be kind of cool to do them together.

Annoyed

I'm annoyed that I've been bleeding for over a week and will probably continue to bleed for almost a week more. I'm annoyed that less than a month from our anniversary, we are still having to deal with TTC. I'm annoyed that I've been in a crappy mood since I started bleeding. I'm annoyed that it may be another year before we would move on to the RE. I'm annoyed that I probably won't o for at least two more weeks.

I'm so tired of waiting. I'm tired of TI. I'm tired of worrying about whether our timing will be good. I just want to be pregnant, so one of these days I can have a child with blonde hair and blue eyes. Only two more cycles before we hit cycle 12, and with my lovely cycles I'm only going to be on cycle 10 after trying for a year.

I haven't really gone anywhere other than lunch or dinner in Memphis so far. I should probably do something tomorrow.

CD 1, Cycle 10

Yesterday was our 11 month wedding (and TTC) anniversary, and today, Father's Day, I finally started Cycle 10 after spotting since 3 DPO and bleeding off and on since 7 DPO. I'm up in Memphis with D for his business trip. I'm sure I'll have plenty of time to update while he's working this week.

7 DPO and the likely end of cycle #9

This morning I woke up to relatively heavy full red flow at 7DPO (or 10 DPO based on OPKs). I had to get up early this morning, of course which makes it worse. 5 am is not when you want to see blood almost a week early. Either way my LP was way too short, even compared to my usual 11 day LP unmedicated. Even if the flow somehow stops (it has slowed down since the morning) and doesn’t return for a week, it’s highly unlikely that I could be pregnant.

I’m so frustrated and disappointed. We are almost at 11 months TTC. Only 2 more cycles and it will be officially infertility. I don’t know what to do since we can’t afford to move on to an RE yet. I’m just stuck here hoping against hope that my body can actually do this, which is seeming less likely every cycle. I’m really hoping that the rest of today doesn’t turn out as crappy as this morning has.

There was thunder and lightning most of last night so I didn’t sleep well. It rained earlier and now it’s just grey and overcast. I just wanted to go home and go to sleep, but I got off work too late to take a nap.

Three more cycles, then it's official

If this cycle and the next two fail, it will officially be infertility. The good news is that I have no reason to believe that I'll o before D gets back, but I'm also not sure that it will be before Tuesday (6/3, CD 21). I often have fertile CM for days before I actually o, and I'm just getting to watery CM. The pattern is pretty similar to what I usually have non-medicated and with those I haven't o'd before CD 21. I figured out that if my cycle are the usually CD 21 with 11-12 LP then I should be o'ing about 9 days (7/5) before our anniversary (also right after July 4). The next cycle I would be o'ing while we are in NY state for SIL's wedding (which is on 8/8).