Monday, April 13, 2009

Having problems waiting

I wish that I didn't have to wait until December for my surgery.  Since the only problem that was found in my b/w was the thyroid issue, I (self-diagnosing of course) think that there's a good chance that endo is what's causing my bleeding.  I don't have horrible cramps, but I do definitely have bad cramps at least one day each cycle.  

I'm also feeling like I'm stuck in the intellectual side of my relationship with God.  I say the Morning and Evening Prayers from the Magnificat everyday, but I have a hard time praying in my own words.  My mind knows about God, but my heart is scared to let go and have faith.  I'm still trying to figure out where my place is my parish is and I haven't met any church friends.  That combined with IF is making me feel lost.


  1. waiting sucks. sorry. i feel like that all i've done is hurry up and wait in the TTC department.

    from the reading i've done, pain isn't always an indicator of endo. the more i think about it, a lap should be the first course of treatment for so many cases of IF. i had the diagnosis of unexplained IF for almost three years. it wasn't until i met my napro doctor that the ball actually started rolling and it still took another year to get to my first lap.

    i'm sending you prayers. at least you can take comfort that you're not the only one waiting.

  2. I am sorry you are feeling so lost. Sometimes just making the effort to be available to God in prayer is enough. There is a scripture that says the groanings of our heart is our true prayer. Give God your silence, your groanings, all of your pain. He will meet you in prayer. I don't really know how to suggest you to find some encouraging girlfriends, except to pray for them. One of the best ideas that were shared with me is that if you want godly friends, pray for God to bring them to you. Some of my best friends are the ones I met in college at the Catholic Student Center. Our lives have all taken us on different paths, but the common bond of our faith and love for Christ always affirms our friendship.
    I wish you didn't have to wait to December either, would there be a possibility of moving it up?
    Hope you have a better afternoon.

  3. I hear you with the waiting, I am sick of it, too. Sometimes I find more comfort in giving my prayers to Mary when I am too exhausted of getting the "not now" answers from God.

  4. I agree waiting does suck! I am very impatient so waiting is very difficult for me.
    I have struggled with 'how' to pray to God, and still struggle with it. But I think the more you do the easier it becomes.
    Im praying for you!