Friday, July 16, 2010

More on Frustration, Timing (plus a turtle as a bonus)

In response to everyone's very helpful comments on my previous post about my timing frustrations:

It's not a no interest ever issue, so I don't think it's a more serious issue unrelated to TTC or him just being tired.

Sometimes what happens is that he'll "submit" to my wanting to use a day of fertility, but some of those times it feels like I'm doing all the "work" and he's just lying there.  This isn't happening all the time, even on days of fertility, it's just that it happens often enough to cause frustration.  It's not very unitive when it seems like the other person is half asleep.  Last night, we didn't really have either purpose fulfilled.

I wish that forewarning helped, but it doesn't seem to make it any more of a priority or take the pressure off of me. I do try to dress nicely on those days and make it more than just wanting one thing and trying to entice him in other ways.  Mornings aren't really an option since he's not at all a morning person and has to be at work at 7am anyways.  A lot of it does have to do with him being tired from working 6 days a week most weeks, but I just wish that it was a bit more of a priority for him.

It's hard for me to be "available" during other times of the month with the amount of bleeding/spotting that I've been having to deal with.  Trying to use any days I'm bleeding tends not to end well because it quickly becomes uncomfortable for one or both of us.

I'm hoping that we'll use at least one more day.  Right now, we've only really used what is at best P-3.  There's a good chance I'll ovulate in the next day or two, which is pretty good for me since today is only CD 15.

Thanks for listening to my venting.  Obviously, this is the kind of thing that it's less than helpful to vent to D about (venting as opposed to discussing...obviously discussing the issue with D is good).  Like Misfit said, yelling/crying/whatever only makes it worse, which is frustrating since that's when you most want to yell/cry/whatever.  I will try to write down my feelings next time and give him a note since getting upset just makes him shut down more, thanks to Awaiting for the suggestion.  IF is hard enough without having to worry about and stress over what is supposed to be the fun and pleasurable part.  I'm glad I'm not the only one who is dealing with this (although I wish no one had to).

Here's one of my turtle figurines to make this post happier:

Jenny from All Things sent me a turtle figurine as my Lent Prayer Buddy gift and I'll post that next time.  Thanks, Jenny!


  1. I know exactly where you're coming from with that frustration, and the only thing that has ONLY NOW started to help is the therapy we're going through. I think in our case I was more like your DH (just lying there), but our acts were definately not unitive.

  2. Oh yes, I completely understand. I really do...I understand and feel everything you are going through in this post.

    I kind of felt as if I was dragging an innocent lamb into slaughter....

    I know this isn't even good "catholic" of me, but that is why we would have to rent a hotel downtown go out and have a few drinks to have good marital relations. ;)

    But I get you and I will pray for you! Hugs sista!

  3. Oh, I am sorry you are going through this frustration. I think the note idea is a good one. And Sew's idea, too... ha! Well, not the lamb to the slaughter part!! :)

    I will pray for you as you work through this, and I will pray that you catch one more day of fertility.

  4. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. But I do think it is, unfortunately, pretty common. I remember fighting a few times because I found it very ironic that the one time he didn't want to was the one time we needed to! I actually asked my husband about it today after reading your earlier post and he gave me some insight.. just that as much as we might think they want it all the time, they actually do have issues with having to. It all gets so clinical. But, then again, that's not our fault either. We feel victimized by IF and all it does to us and our relationships, so you end up just going round and round in a circle.

    Anyways, I'm just hoping that, by the grace of God, you can use the right day one of these cycles!

  5. The turtle is great! I think you should show more pics of turtles on a regular basis. :) I don't have much to add in regards to the timing issue, but as you can probably tell, I agree it is more common than I think most people would think. Prayers coming for you!

  6. You are so not the only one who has gone through this and I know how difficult it is for you to be dealing with it. I am praying for you.

    P.S. Sew's idea rocks!