Balance *Updated

D and K, with me in the background.

Update: She weighs 12 lbs, 15 oz so she gained 1 lb, 9 oz in 3 weeks or just over 8 oz a week.  I'm so happy!

I'm having a hard time right now finding balance right now.  I just feel very stressed out right now.  K has gone from taking about 16 ounces of formula a day to about 10 or so this past week.  I'd love to think that it's because she's getting more from me, but due to all the feeding drama we've had, I don't know.  She's pretty happy most of the time, especially compared to when she was younger before we started supplementing, but I just don't really have any confidence in the area of feeding anymore.  We are doing a weigh-in tomorrow so I'll know if she has gained well enough or not.  If not, I don't really know what we can do, as D has told me since I'm constantly offering and she just doesn't seem to want anymore.  I'll update with tomorrow's weight.  I'm still mainly supplementing at the breast, but she will take bottles now so she may take 1-2 ounces a day that way when she's too riled up to latch.

I'm having a hard time balancing my class, K's needs, housework, playing and interacting with K, and spending time with D.  K getting fed and diaper changes is obviously my priority, but I feel like everything else is not getting done as it should.  D works a lot so I try to make sure that the three of us spend time together when he's not.  I feel like I should be playing more with her than I do, but then I get behind on my other responsibilities.  Please pray that I can keep it together and figure out how to best balance everything.

A Day in the Life of the Blondies

Here what today was like.  D is working a lot this weekend so it's going to be a long day.  It probably seems like I'm feeding her a lot, but she only takes small amounts at a time and therefore eats more frequently.
5:30 am (later than it used to be, we'll see if this sticks)- K stirs and I bring her to bed to nurse
6:05 am- D's alarm goes off, D gets up to shower and get ready
6:30 am-  D tells me goodbye, gets his lunch and water and leaves for work since he needs to be there by 7am, K is nursing on and off but mostly sleeping somewhat restlessly, I go back to sleep for a little while
7:45 am- I wake up, take my morning pills, get her formula and everything else sorted out for feeding, and I got to turn on my computer
8:00 am- K is stirring, but I already have the shower on so I jump in for a quick shower
8:15 am- K is up for the day. I get dressed, change K's diaper (twice since she decides to poop right as I put on the new one) and put on her daytime clothes (she picks which of two outfits to wear), I grab a granola bar to eat to get me until at least her first nap
8:30 am - I throw in a load of laundry while K rolls around the pack & play
8:35 am - we go sit on the couch  in our library/office roomso she can feed, I nurse her and supplement at the breast, I check email, etc.
8:50 am- another diaper change, I try to feed K again, but she doesn't want to eat anymore, so I put her in her chair so I can get the meatball mix made for tonight's dinner
9:30 am- meatballs mix is made and onions are cut up for spaghetti sauce, I'd like to do the garlic but K is starting to fuss so I take her back in the library, she sits on my lap while I do some stuff on the computer, then I start to feed her again
10:10 am- K falls asleep on the boppy on my lap, I work on my class while she naps, she briefly wakes to nurse/pacify on my breasts
10:45 am- K wakes because she can't roll over on my lap, I change her diaper, she desperately needed a diaper change since it was completely sopping wet.
11:00 am- I try to feed K again, she's not really interested, so I take her with me to the kitchen and get my lunch of pasta salad ready, I eat while she plays on her activity mat
11:30 am- K is done with playing on her mat so I pick her up to feed her again
11:45 am- K falls asleep on the boppy on my lap again, so I start to work on my class again.  Again K nurse, gets some supplement and pacifies herself during the nap.  I'm fine with this since it gives me the ability to work on my class instead of spending the time getting her into the pack and play gingerly and then have to get up when she wakes after only 20-40 minutes.
12:45 pm- K is up again, so it's time for another diaper change.  She spits up down my back so I have to clean that up.
1:00 pm- I fold and put away laundry while K plays in the pack and play.  I take K in her room and put away her clothes and eat some cereal, while she plays with her stuffed turtles on her quilt.
1:20 pm- K eats again
1:30 pm- K plays while sitting on my lap.  Time for another diaper change and then we get ready to go to the store to pick up a few things.
2:00 pm- We go to buy a belt since mine broke, then we go to the grocery store.  I change K's diaper in the parking lot after shopping, feed her then change her again.
3:45 pm- K falls asleep on the ride home, so I get her and the groceries out of the car.  She sleeps in her car seat while I work on dinner.
4:20 pm- K is up. I put the food in the oven and get ready to feed her.  I give her another diaper change.
4:45 pm- K sits in her chair while I pull out the meatballs and get the water going for noodles.  She gets fussy so I try to feed her, but she isn't in the mood.  I carry her around for a while, and I get dishes put in the dishwasher.  I put her back in her chair so I can dump the water and eat my dinner.
5:30 pm- Back in the library, K feeds for a few minutes.
5:40 pm- Time for another diaper change.  I get the diaper wash going while K is in the pack and play.
5:50 pm- I put K on the activity mat to play for a little while.  She should be getting sleepy, but her afternoon sleep wasn't great since I took her out for 2 hours and she didn't sleep until we were almost home, so she's probably a little overtired and fighting it.
6:10 pm- I feed K, she's almost asleep but D calls right then and my phone is in my pocket. Nap fail.
6:20 pm- Another diaper change, and I go ahead and give her a bath.  As I'm getting the water ready, she pees on the towel I have under her, but thankfully it was just there for that exact reason.  She has a happy bath time, gets clean and plays with her turtleduck.  I put on her pjs.
6:50 pm- I feed her again, and she falls asleep on the boppy on my lap.
8:20 pm- She wakes up, eats a little bit.
8:30 pm- I put her chair while I clean the kitchen a little bit and start the dishwasher.
8:40 pm- I change her diaper, add the detergent to the diaper wash, plays on her quilt, and eats again for a very short time.
9:10 pm- D calls to say he's on his way home and I get his dinner warmed up.
9:30 pm- D gets home and eats. We watch a bit of Doctor Who on DVD.  I try to feed K some more, but she's not interested so I go change her diaper.
10:40 pm- K finally falls asleep (she's not usually up that late but she been on the past few days, plus she was excited that her daddy was home), I get some things cleaned up and ready for the morning
11:15 pm- I go to bed

Traveling

This weekend was pretty rough because K didn't sleep well since she was overstimulated due to traveling, so I had a hysterical baby who wouldn't eat or nap.  We had to drive her all around the neighborhoods in our hometown to get her to nap.  D is actually driving her around right now since she was basically hysterical when we got home from church this evening since it, of course, went long when she was already tired.  I feel like a terrible mother when her naps get so messed up and she gets hysterical.  I'm very tired; I went to bed after midnight both days this weekend since one night I had to walk her around my IL's neighborhood at 11pm (thankfully they live in a very safe area) and the other I stayed up after K went to sleep to watch a show with D since I hadn't really got to spend much time with him.  I'm stressed out about getting my online class done so that I can hopefully get a job soon (working from home), but I've got a while left.  I probably won't be commenting much for a while although I'll might have time to read.  Need some prayers that I can handle all the stress.

Prayers for a Blogger

Amazing Life asked me to pass along a prayer request for Maria at Living in Lewis Land, who lost her husband tragically this weekend.  The funeral is today at 11 am central time.  Please pray for their family, especially Maria and their 3-year-old daughter Gianna.

K's 4 month appointment, pictures and video

K had her 4-month appointment Tuesday.  She weighed 11 pounds, 6 ounces (up 5 ounces this week and almost a pound in the last two weeks) and she's 23 inches tall.  Her pediatrician said that she has a good amount and ratio of fat and muscle, so she's probably just going to be small (big surprise :).  We are staying at the current amount of supplement and she'll do a weigh-in in two weeks.  I was hoping that she'd be able to lessen the supplement, but we'll have to wait on that I guess.

The doctor was really impressed with her motor skills and she's definitely advanced on her physical development, according to him.  She did a tripod sit for him, and he was pretty amazed at how well she held herself up.

Here are some video and pictures of her skills

Just being smiley in her pjs.

Practicing sitting in her pack-n-play.

Sitting in Dadda's chair.

Video of K scooting

Video of K sitting

K is 4 months

K turned 4 months today.  She can roll both ways, although she prefers rolling onto her tummy from her back.  She can move a couple of feet by rolling.  She will also move a couple feet by scooting her legs.  She also likes to make noises with her mouth, and she is practicing new sounds every day.  She loves to smile at her daddy and does a smile then looks coyly away.  She giggles and is very funny.

She's definitely adorable and we get comments about how cute she is wherever we go.  She's also super alert and loves to smile at people when we are out and about.  She's definitely getting more interested in playing with things.  She plays more with her rattle toys, and she tries to eat her diaper cover during diaper changes (don't worry, we don't let her actually put it in her mouth).  She plays with my shirt and the tubes while I feed her.

She's been having some napping issues lately.  She has a very small window in which to get her down for a nap, and if something messes that up she tends to get herself crazy overtired and hysterical.  She's been having poor timing on dirty diapers and tending to have one right about the time she's in the nap window.  When I do get her down for a good nap, she'll sleep about 2 hours, although she'll usually wake up and fuss but go back to sleep on her own.  Nights have always been better for her sleep, and she does give a 5-6 hour stretch most nights.  She goes to bed at 10 or a little after most and sleeps until 7 or 8 (with a few nursings in there), although after 6 it's kind of fitful sleep.  She nurses before sleeping and then usually at 3 or 4 and then 6 off and on until she's up for the day.  I have no desire for her to nurse any less, so I'm willing to put up with interrupted sleep.

She's still doing about 14 oz of formula a day, and we are still supplementing at the breast.  We are using the tube placed directly into a bottle, and she controls the flow. She gained 10 ounces last week and hopefully if her gain is good tomorrow, we can talk about very slowly (like reducing 2-3 ounces a week) weaning her off of the supplement.  I'd love to have her off formula if possible and I'm hoping that we can get my supply to cover her needs.  If not, we'll be starting solids right at 6 months and I hope that after that point we can be doing just breastmilk and solids.

I definitely will do some things differently if we are able to have another child.  I'll be doing weight checks every week or two starting at two weeks until we are confident about weight gain.  I won't be doing the crazy traveling that we did; no traveling out of the city until at least 2 months old.  Anyone who wants to see us can come to us.  I'll also start pumping earlier and try to have a stockpile if I can.

I feel like I'm finally getting this being a mother to K down, even though there are definitely challenging times each day.  Also, I feel like D and I are getting on the same page about things and working better as a parent team most of the time.  Don't get me wrong, when she's gotten overtired and is hysterical, I still get pretty stressed, but it's not as soul-crushing to me.

Quick Weight Update

K gained 10 ounces this past week!  She's now 11 lbs, 1 oz.  She has her 4 month appointment next week and we'll probably be re-evaluating the supplement level then.

The Weight Gain Saga continues...

She only gained 2-3 oz in the last week.  She was between 10 lbs, 4 and 5 oz at the last weigh in.  This week she's only 10 lbs, 7 oz. The pediatrician wants us to go back up on formula about 4 oz or so (to about 14 oz a day).  I'm guessing at this point that she won't be off the formula before we start solids at 6 months.

She's also not napping well lately.  She's just catnapping 15-30 minutes.  She had been doing well about transferring. She'd fall asleep while eating and I could put her in her pack-and-play, and she'd sleep about 2 hours.  The past four or five days, she's been waking as I put her down or after maybe 5-10 minutes.  It's hard for me to get her to sleep without using the breast, although D can in the evening many times.  She usually gets really worked up if I let   It's also challenging since she eats every two hours or so when she's awake, there is not much time when she's not eating to get her to sleep.

Here's a video of her rolling over.

Need some prayers

I'm dealing with a situation right now that could use some prayers.  K is fine but I can't really get into details beyond that.

Formula weaning and K pics

K gained about 4-5 ounces  this week, which isn't terrible but it's not great either.  We are going to stick with 10 ounces of formula/supplement a day for the next week.  We'll see how her gain is next week on whether we continue to wean from the supplement, we stay where we're at with supplementing , or we go back up on the supplement.  She has about 3 more weeks until she's 4 months old.

K now rolls over almost immediately as soon as we put her on her back.

K, D and me on Independence Day.

K's pouty face.

K's baptism, June 5.

D and K on Father's Day.

D, K, and me on the beach in Hawaii after my brother's wedding.

K turned 3 months :) and 4th Anniversary

Here's a link to the post from our second anniversary with pictures.

K turned 3 months on Friday.  She is now finally 10 lbs as of Tuesday (1/2 lb gain this week), and just moved into her small prefolds and her Flip covers. I started her in her 3-6 month clothing yesterday, because she finally is outgrowing the 0-3 month clothing (especially with her cloth diapers).

She started rolling over about a week ago from her back to her tummy.  She is more content most of the time now after we've been supplementing.  She's getting better about sleeping.  We can put her in her pack-and-play if she has fallen asleep or she has even fallen asleep in there on her own a couple times.  She smiles at us and coos.

We are starting to wean off the supplement/formula.  We're planning on reducing 2-3 ounces every 2-3 days and I'm doing 10 ounces of formula a day this week and the rest breast milk that I have saved in my freezer.  I got a new Pump-in-Style pump, but I'm still trying to find a comfortable shield/flange.  The 24mm that came with the pump was too big (TMI) on my nipple and the 21 mm fits the nipple better but still doesn't have a good seal and is uncomfortable.  I ordered the Pumpin' Pal shields which are a completely different shape, and hopefully they will work better.

D and I are probably going to dinner tonight for our anniversary and most likely taking K with us.  I'm glad we'll actually be able to spend at least some of this anniversary together; D was traveling for our first anniversary and we both worked late last year.  Our second may have been the only one so far we spent together.

I need to post pictures of K soon.

Cloth Diapering Update (3 months old)

My post on my plan for my cloth diaper stash.
My post on cloth diapering at 1 month where I talk about washing and other stuff.




So far we've been using:
2 dozen Green Mountain Diaper Prefold Newborn (Orange)
6 Thirsties X-small Covers
Snappi Size 1 Triple Pack 
Baby washcloths (I have about 2 dozen I think) as wipes
6 Flip One-Size Covers with Snaps 
2 Fuzzibunz One Size Diapers 
1 Little Beetle Little-to-Big (One Size) Organic Wool Cover with Snaps
4 Thirsties Stay-Dry Hemp Insert, Small
2 Fuzzibunz Hanging Diaper Bags
G Diaper Flushable Inserts (when we travel) 
Planet Wise Wet Bag, Large

I also have but haven't yet used:
2 dozen Green Mountain Diaper Prefold Small (Yellow) 


K will be 3 months tomorrow and is no quite 10 pounds, so she is a small baby.  She still fits into the newborn size GM prefolds and Thirsties X-small covers.  She's getting close to outgrowing the newborn prefolds, but not quite and the smalls are still pretty big so will need to be folded.


We've now used the Flip covers both with the G diaper liners and with the prefolds.  They are working well and we've had almost no leaks, so I feel good about using them as our main cover once she outgrows the newborn prefolds soon.  I've even used the Flip cover by itself as a swim diaper, and it successfully kept breastmilk poop in.


At night, we use the wool cover and the hemp insert with a prefold. K has been a very heavy wetter since we started supplementing and we definitely need the extra absorbency of the hemp insert and the breathability of the wool cover.  The wool cover we have is a one size adjustable with snaps and we've been using it since about 6 weeks or so.  It hopefully will fit until she's pottytrained.   


We've also used the Fuzzibunz diapers.  They seem to work well and we haven't had any leaks.  I use them mainly as backup diapers for if she gets the cover dirty while we are out or if I get behind on laundry.  We'll also use them for when we have a babysitter, which will be a week from Sunday, for the first time.


K got a pretty bad diaper rash after starting formula, so we've been using rash cream on her with a muslin liner (just cut strip from a yard I got at the fabric store).  For minor rashes, we use a mix of Burt's Bees Baby Bee Diaper Ointment and California Baby Calming Diaper Rash Cream.  For more serious rashes, we add in Boudreaux's Butt Paste.  


Here's what I have in her diaper bag:
a change of clothes (at least a onesie)
wipes (I use the Ta.rget brand lanolin ones)
two prefolds (I don't generally bring a extra cover)
a Fuzzibunz pocket diaper
a couple G diaper liners
a couple disposable diapers
a travel changing pad (I highly recommend one; we have this one)
a wet bag for keeping the wet/dirty diapers in (I only have one Planet wise, so I also use a Munchkin ones too)
a couple burp cloths
my nursing cover


We use cloth almost exclusively even when we are out, unless we are traveling somewhere where we won't have access to a washer and dryer for a few days.  Even then, we use the diaper covers (either Thirsties or Flip) with the G diaper liners.  I do keep a couple disposables in case of emergencies.


There are a couple things I would like, would like more of, or want to try for baby #2:
BumGenius 4.0- I'd like one or two just to try them
another Little Beetle One Size Wool Cover with Snaps-I only have one wool cover and we use it every night unless it gets dirty and I have to wash it, then I have to use a different cover like the Flip
Mommy's Touch Newborn Cover- I'd like one or two for if we are blessed with baby #2+, for before the umbilical cord falls off, the Thirsties were a little too big for 6 pound, 6 ounce K when she was born and we ended up using disposables

18 ounces

K gained 18 ounces this past week.  The pediatrician wants her on 20 ounces of formula one more week and then we start weaning her off.  We are still supplementing at the breast and I'll hopefully get my new pump by Friday or Saturday.  Any advice on transitioning back to just breast milk would be appreciated, and I'm going to talk to my lactation consultant about it.

Supplementing at the breast

K won't take a bottle.  In some ways, this is good since I am ending up supplementing her at the breast so she is getting breast milk in addition to the formula and hopefully stimulating my breasts to produce more.  She also nurses at night without the supplementer.

What we are currently using is a gerryrigged version of an SNS (supplemental feeding system).  It's a feeding tube (5 French) attached to a 12 ml syringe.  I make up two 9 oz bottles of formula each night  and put them in the fridge.  I then pour an ounce or two at a time into a smaller bottle (K is very inconsistent about how much she takes at a feeding) and draw it into the syringe.  The tubes are tape on each breast basically right at the nipple.  K latches on and I make sure the tube is in her mouth. I push the syringe based on how quickly she is swallowing.  It's a bit messy and cumbersome, but it gets nourishment into her and hopefully avoids reducing my milk supply any further.  I may consider getting a manufactured SNS after we see how long we might need this.

If anyone has been able to wean off formula back to just breastmilk, I need some ideas for talking to my doctor once we can get her weight gain where he wants it.  I am pumping, but feeding is so timing-consuming I don't get to pump much and I haven't gotten my new pump yet.  Right now I'm getting about 3 oz a day if I'm lucky.  I am considering donated breastmilk.

Formula sucks

K will be on formula for the next week.  She gained 3 oz in the past week, and her pediatrician wanted about 7 oz.  I'll be giving the formula through an supplemental nursing system (SNS) at the breast and pumping like crazy.  She's supposed to get 20 oz. of formula a day and I can nurse at night.  I just want whatever needs to happen for her to be able to go back to exclusive breastfeeding as soon as possible and her to grow in a healthy way.

I don't want to deal with stinky formula poops and I hate mixing bottles.  I may be having to give her formula, but I don't have to like it.

Frustration

First, please pray that K will have gained the 1/2 pound or so that her doctor wants.  Her appointment is at 1:30 CDT today, 6/28.  I have been supplementing her with 5 or so ounces of pumped breast milk per day.  I've also heard her swallow more.

Second, I'm getting really frustrated with the lack of support that I'm getting from my family.  My mom, MIL and D haven't said anything about all the effort that I'm putting into pumping.  People have suggested formula even though I have been able to pump enough milk so far.  My mom and MIL did both breastfeed, but they aren't experts and have said a couple things that aren't accurate.

K does seem to be a bit happier (as long as she's gotten enough sleep), so I hope that that's a sign that the gain will be good too.

Weight gain issues

K is still having weight gain issues.  I took her to get a weight check at the pediatricians office and she had lost an ounce in a week when she should have gained about 6-7 ounces.  I'd been feeding her constantly, and had pumped a little bit but not given it to her.  The pediatrician said that I needed to supplement her 1/2 to 1 ounce 5-6 times a day (so at least 3-4 ounces a day).  He gave me formula, but I don't want to give her formula unless I can't make the milk.  I called and talked to my Lactation Consultant and then to Sew to dealt with the same issues.  Sew's pep talk has given me the confidence to supplement with just expressed breast milk, even though it requires a lot of time and effort.

I'm basically feeding her, giving her the supplemental breast milk and then pumping and then repeating, unless she's asleep or won't nurse.  I do get some breaks, but my day is mostly feeding or pumping or washing the pumping stuff.  Most of th

I was so upset about her lack of weight gain.  Especially since she's exclusively breastfed, it makes me feel like a failure as a mother.  It seems like my body doesn't do things like it's supposed to.  The years, surgeries and medications that it took to get pregnant, the bleeding that I had during pregnancy, and now breastfeeding issues.  I'm just ready for something to work right.

Please pray that we can get her weight gain on the right track and I can keep from getting too overwhelmed.  It's very stressful and tiring right now.

K is 2 months old, and breastfeeding issues * Updated with thyroid numbers

*Update: Here are my thyroid numbers from local ob: T4 7.6, TSH 2.73, T3Free 3.1.  They said these are normal, but I want to get you lovely ladies opinion.  Thanks.

K turned 2 months old last Wednesday.  She had her two month appointment on Tuesday.  In general she looks great, but she isn't gaining enough weight.  She was born 6 lbs., 6 oz. and has only gained about 2 lb; she weighs 8 lbs., 4 oz.  Because she isn't gaining well and she's exclusively breastfed, I met with a lactation consultant yesterday.  She said that K's high palate and slightly misaligned jaw and tongue might be causing some latch issues and discomfort that causes her to stop feeding prematurely.  She also said that I should have her pediatrician check her for torticollis, which is a twisting of the neck due to overly tight muscles that causes the head to tilt to one side, since she always tilts her head to the left.

When the LC weighed her before and after feeding, she only took in about half the amount that she needs.  I feel terrible that I didn't realize that there was a problem, but I didn't know that she wasn't gaining enough and she has plenty of wet and dirty diapers.  The fact that she's not getting enough likely explains why she's so upset all the time.  In some ways it's good that there is a problem because it can be fixed hopefully.

The LC recommended some exercises that might help release and realign her neck, tongue and jaw.  She might also need to get some physical/occupational therapy or craniosacral therapy.  She wants me to feed her even more on demand and change sides and positions more during feedings.  Even though generally they say check other things first and don't assume hunger, right now the first thing I need to try is feeding her even when she just ate recently.  She also recommended some foods to eat like oatmeal, flax seed, and eggs (there are more and I can post it later if anyone wants me to do so).  I'm also taking an herb called Shatavari that is supposed to help with supply and getting my thyroid tested again (hasn't been done postpartum).

I'll post about how the Hawaii trip went in the next few days.  She did well on the plane.

Advice and prayers needed

Soon we'll be taking K, who is two months old today, to Hawaii for my brother's wedding.  Thankfully it's a direct flight, but it's about 8 hours long.  K likes to be moving and rarely sleeps more than 30-45 minutes except at night.  She also likes to scream when she's tired or hungry.  Even though she's flying as a lap child, they are supposed to have a bassinet that connects to the bulkhead by our seats and we'll be bringing her carseat in case there's room.  I know I need to feed her on take off and landing.  Any other advice?  I really hope she doesn't scream and cry too much; I don't want the other paasengers to hate us.

So she's a bit high maintanence

K is a super sweet, alert and smiley baby, when she's calm. The thing is that she's not calm all that much.  First of all she eats every two hours or less. Second, she isn't very good at napping.  She rarely naps for more than 30 minutes and that's usually in my arms or the Maya Wrap; when she naps much more than an hour she doesn't sleep well at night.  She often gets very upset right going to sleep.  I just watch Happiest Baby on the Block, and I'm hoping that will help.

She generally gets upset pretty quickly if I have to put her down in her swing or rocker while I shower,etc.  I don't mind holding her most of the time; she's still so young. However, I wish she didn't get hysterical so quickly. Usually she will have at least one or two good 15-30 minute stretch of happy play time, which I use to let her play on her activity mat or do tummy time.  I am thankful that she usually sleeps decently at night and rarely cries then, but she needs to be touching me to sleep.

She doesn't have colic or reflux; she just likes to be held and when she wants something she wants it now.