Sunday, November 23, 2008
Feeling left behind
I used spend a lot of time on the Nest TTC message boards, but I don't go on much lately. I do lurk every one in a while to check and see if there are any new pregnancies. There have been a lot of pregnancies there and in the blogs that I read, and some women have gone through their entire pregnancy since I start reading their blogs. I'm really happy for them that they have finally been blessed with motherhood, especially since they are IF. The problem is that I feel left behind. I just keep seeing their tickers go up week by week, and I feel no closer to acheive a pregnancy. It doesn't help when I have my period and my hormones are wacky and I just feel sad and want to cry.
I'll be sending my letter to Dr. Hilgers tomorrow afternoon, hopefully, if I can get my records from my dr's office. I'm probably going to have to bring the little boy I nanny for with me (and hopefully his big brother to walk around with him) while I get the records. I really need to get the letter sent so that I can feel like I'm making some progress.
Right now, I don't feel like any of the cycles have a chance of working. We are still going to try of course, but the confidence isn't there. I need some answers from Dr. Hilgers on the kinds of testing and treatments that we might be looking at, and getting that done before I'll have any real hope that I can get pregnant. I feel like it's going to be at least 6 months if not a year from now before we have a chance of this working. It's almost been 18 months since we started trying, and I'm thinking it's going to be at least 2 years from when we started trying before we might have some success.
I'm only having light flow today, which is strange for me for CD 4. I also seemed to be having some 10KL. My body is obviously very confused.
D and I were looking at my chart, and he wants to try to start having sex earlier, like CD 12 and do it every other day. He's worried that we are missing it and that my temp spike doesn't happen until a couple of days after I o. I'm all for more sex; D has generally been the one who's too stressed and tired. I know that this is a strange request, but please pray that D will follow through with this.
D left for another business trip this afternoon. He wasn't feeling well before he left, but luckily he was feeling better when I called to check on him. I'm ready for Wednesday, since D and I will be meeting up then at his parents' house and then we'll be having Thanksgiving with both families.