Two lines *updated

TCIE, call me if you are still up.

I don't have a camera, but there are two lines.  I guess I'm getting a blood draw as soon as we get home.  I don't know what else to say.

Updated:  I took a second test (FRER) and it was also positive.  We are so excited.  D is alternating between laugh and crying with happiness.

P+14

Still no spotting.  Having some cramps.  Will update tomorrow morning.

P+13

Ok, so I'm P+13 today.  I had spotting/bleeding from P+4 to P+9, but I didn't have any for the past couple days.  It doesn't look like I'll have the three days of spotting before my period that I have the last few cycles.  I'm  questioning if it's worth bring a test since we'll be out of town until Sunday afternoon, which will be P+15.  The lack of spotting is giving me hope which is driving me crazy.  I wish I had never heard stories of people who have spotting but later get a positive test and have a successful pregnancy.  Tomorrow is likely to be CD 1; we'll be at our friend's wedding

Prayers needed

I got an email this morning that a woman who had just joined the young adults group at our church was murdered last week by her ex-boyfriend.  She seemed like a really sweet girl and I was looking forward to getting to know her.  Please pray for her soul and for her family.

Acupuncture

I didn't blog yet about one of the coolest things about the new family that I'm nannying for.  The mom is a doctor who is trained in acupuncture, and even better she giving me complementary treatments for IF (plus she personally dealt with IF and m/c).  I have been really wanting to try acupuncture but it was just completely out of our price range.  We did the second treatment today and it was so relaxing.

Does anyone have any recommendations on how to get starting in researching adoption?  D says his only real concern that he's aware of would be the financial part of adoption.

P+4 Frustration

As I was getting ready for my shower this morning, I saw blood.  I was really hoping that the antibiotics would stop it.  If I have to deal with not ever getting pregnant, I will consider that God's will.  However, I cannot and will not deal with an insane amount of my life taken over by bleeding until I reach menopause.  I'm really more angry than sad about it.  I really need Dr. H. to figure out the cause soon.  I did call PPVI and ask for the nurses to call me back.  For a while now, I've thought about the woman with the hemorrhage who just had faith and touched Jesus and she was healed.  I just wish I knew how to do that.

My new nanny job is going well.  The little boy is great and I really like the mom, who I'm helping out this week since she's still home on leave.  I'm actually off today since she's going to visit some friends, so I'm going to try to get some things done around the house and do errands.

Good things

Yesterday I went to a presentation hosted by the local Cathedral's pro-life group about Creighton and NaPro.  I already knew the information, but I was able to meet some local people who have dealt with or are dealing with infertility.  Since it's so hard to meet other people IRL who are dealing with infertility, and especially who've gone through the morally licit treatments like NaPro, I wanted to put myself out there are a resource and a connection into the blog world for others who are here locally.

I'm starting work on Monday and I got to meet the little boy (really little, less than 2 weeks old) I'll be nannying for.  This week I'll be just helping out the mom, whose still on leave for a little while long, since the dad will be out of town.

D and I did end up using Friday night, and it was a much happier experience than Thursday night was.  It's looking like yesterday (CD 16, pretty good for me) was Peak day so Friday would have been P-1.  It would be nice to use today, but I'm glad to have decent timing at all after Thursday night's debacle.  The annoying thing is that I'll have to get my P+7 done next Saturday, and we'll have friends in town plus D's working 7-5, so it'll take some effort to get the bloodwork done.

 I really hope that the bleeding will continue to stay away this cycle.  As disappointing as it would be to have hope that I was pregnant and not be, it's even more disappointing to not even get to have any hope.

More on Frustration, Timing (plus a turtle as a bonus)

In response to everyone's very helpful comments on my previous post about my timing frustrations:

It's not a no interest ever issue, so I don't think it's a more serious issue unrelated to TTC or him just being tired.

Sometimes what happens is that he'll "submit" to my wanting to use a day of fertility, but some of those times it feels like I'm doing all the "work" and he's just lying there.  This isn't happening all the time, even on days of fertility, it's just that it happens often enough to cause frustration.  It's not very unitive when it seems like the other person is half asleep.  Last night, we didn't really have either purpose fulfilled.

I wish that forewarning helped, but it doesn't seem to make it any more of a priority or take the pressure off of me. I do try to dress nicely on those days and make it more than just wanting one thing and trying to entice him in other ways.  Mornings aren't really an option since he's not at all a morning person and has to be at work at 7am anyways.  A lot of it does have to do with him being tired from working 6 days a week most weeks, but I just wish that it was a bit more of a priority for him.

It's hard for me to be "available" during other times of the month with the amount of bleeding/spotting that I've been having to deal with.  Trying to use any days I'm bleeding tends not to end well because it quickly becomes uncomfortable for one or both of us.

I'm hoping that we'll use at least one more day.  Right now, we've only really used what is at best P-3.  There's a good chance I'll ovulate in the next day or two, which is pretty good for me since today is only CD 15.

Thanks for listening to my venting.  Obviously, this is the kind of thing that it's less than helpful to vent to D about (venting as opposed to discussing...obviously discussing the issue with D is good).  Like Misfit said, yelling/crying/whatever only makes it worse, which is frustrating since that's when you most want to yell/cry/whatever.  I will try to write down my feelings next time and give him a note since getting upset just makes him shut down more, thanks to Awaiting for the suggestion.  IF is hard enough without having to worry about and stress over what is supposed to be the fun and pleasurable part.  I'm glad I'm not the only one who is dealing with this (although I wish no one had to).

Here's one of my turtle figurines to make this post happier:

Jenny from All Things sent me a turtle figurine as my Lent Prayer Buddy gift and I'll post that next time.  Thanks, Jenny!
 

Very Frustrated (probably TMI)

I've posted about my frustrations with timing before, but it's not getting any better.  I don't see much effort on D's part to try or actively participate when we do use a day (I do all the work a lot of the time).  I started having 10C/KL on Wednesday, our anniversary.  We had used Tuesday night, so nothing happened Wednesday night and I didn't want to push.  Last night, D got home late after hanging out with a friend and was practically asleep when we "used" yesterday. However, I don't know that yesterday even really counts since everything that needed to happen didn't (I'm trying to put this in a way that explains what happened without going into explicit detail).  I doubt anything will happen tonight either.  I cried a lot last night and this morning.

Other things always seem to get in the way of using days and it never seems to be a priority for D.  This has been a problem since before officially IF set in.  He'd rather stay out late with a friend, and Thursday and Friday are always days that he does that.  Saturday he's usually working late and Sunday-Wednesday nights aren't really better due to work.  I don't know what to do.  I try not to get frustrated, but I'm having a really hard timing not being sad and angry.  I've tried talking to D, but I don't think that I'm really getting through to him.  I have felt like giving up on TTC so many times, but when it comes down to it, I just can't stop trying and being the initiator.

I really hope that this cycle won't be a bust based purely on bad timing, but I really don't have much confidence right now.  I guess it's good I'm not on any meds that are solely for TTC, like ovulation inducers, etc., since then it would feel like a waste of money too.

Maybe if I'm lucky we'll have a few more days of "fertility" and we'll actually use a day.  We'll see.

Three Years

Three years ago today, D and I got married.  Here's my post from our last anniversary that has a picture and details if you want to see.  We don't really have any plans since D's working during the day and I'm babysitting tonight (and we desperately need the money), but we did get to spend a lot of time together on our trip from Thursday to Sunday.

Today is also the feast of Blessed Kateri Tekakwitha, who was a Native American who lived in New York and Canada in the late 17th century.

As you might guess, the anniversary is a little bittersweet since we still haven't been able to conceive and this makes it three years of trying.

Improvement (and some other random stuff)

I've had a better start to this cycle compared to previous ones.  I didn't really have cramps, just some back pain.  I stopped bleeding on after CD7, which is a huge, let me say it again HUGE improvement since I've been going to CD 10+ most cycles.  I don't know if the antibiotics had anything to do with it, but if they are the reason I'm not still bleeding (and I'll be even more impressed if I don't have post-ovulation bleeding) then I can deal with a funky stomach and metallic taste for another 6 months.

I told D that I was done bleeding and he laughed at how happy/proud I was, but he doesn't have to wear feminine hygiene products for 2/3 of the month (ex. last cycle with 20 days of bleeding out of a 30 day cycle).  If I manage to make it to P+14 or 15 (which is of course a long way off), I may actually get my hopes somewhat up.  However, even if we don't actually conceive, I will be thrilled just to not be bleeding all the time.

Prayer buddy (and all the rest of you wonderful ladies), please pray that the bleeding will continue to stay away.  Also, please pray for my first cousin once removed, she has Stage 3 breast cancer.  My grandma is really worried about whether she'll lose her sister (my great aunt) if her (my great aunt) daughter loses her cancer battle.  We went to visit my grandparents today since we were in town (they live about 6 hours away so we always try to visit when we come even for other things), and she started crying when she was talking about it. 

Thursday and Friday, D and I went with a friend and his kids (plus his nephew) to a great waterpark in Central Texas (I bet any Texan would know where I'm talking about).  We had a great time, but it was hard to see D with our friend's almost three year old since I haven't been able to give that to him.  The good news is that D and I could definitely handle taking a 3 year old to a waterpark, just the two of us.  I got slightly sunburned and so did D (even after putting on sunscreen), but it's not too bad.

My mom is in from overseas and is at our house for the next week.  Last time she was in was for my surgery, and I spent most of the time sleeping or feeling nauseated.

The baby, a little boy, that I'm going to nanny for was born earlier this week.  I'll probably start working in about a week since the dad will be out of town for flight stuff and her mom won't be able to come to town.

U/S update

I heard from Dr. H's office yesterday and they said that my u/s from P+3 last cycle did look like I ovulated.  So LUFS (unruputed follicle) doesn't see to be my problem (or at least from this u/s).  We started the antibiotics and the first day nausea was pretty bad, but today is better.

Cycle Review

I finally had my cycle review with PPVI just a little while ago (I'm on CD 5).  Dr. H wants D and I to do cyclical antibiotics for the next 7 cycles.  I'll start this cycle since I rarely peak before CD 16.  They will usually be CD 1-10.  Does anyone have a recommendation on probiotics?

I guess I never mentioned that Dr. H. decided to hold off trying PIO until seeing if there is some improvement from the antibiotics, so I haven't done PIO at all yet.  Hopefully I won't have any bleeding this cycle, but we'll have to see.  My progesterone was 31 and my estrogen was 18.4.  The progesterone is about average for me, but the estrogen is lower than what I've had previously.  Dr. H says the levels are good though.

The one thing that I didn't get any answers on yet was my P+3 u/s.  They do have the disk, but the PPVI u/s techs haven't looked at it and done their report yet.  I asked that they call me once they have the results.

I told D yesterday that I thought that we should continue treatment only until my 31st birthday in October 2011 at which time I'll be about 18 months/cycle out from surgery and we'll have been TTC for over 4 years, and D agreed.  At that time we'll start discussing, looking into, and saving for adoption.  We haven't ever had a serious discussion of adoption, so I wanted D to start thinking about it so that if we get to October 2011 without conceiving we can have that discussion.  We won't TTA after that time, but unless something changes diagnosis-wise, etc we won't be as actively trying.

CD 1...Cycle 33, 7 Quick Takes

1.Well, today is definitely CD 1.  I've got my call in to PPVI for my cycle review.  Hopefully they received the CD from my P+3 u/s by now.  I'll post with my cycle review update when I hear from them.

2. We are going to a waterpark in less than a week for a long weekend with some friends and family.  It's too bad that I'll still be bleeding/spotting by then, but I'll have to deal with it.

3. I'm working on repainting all the doors in our house and will soon start working on the trim.

4. I'm still waiting for the baby that the family I'll be nannying for is adopting to be born.  The BM was supposedly due June 15.  I'll start about 3-4 weeks after the baby is born.

5.  I hope that PPVI can figure out the crazy bleeding.  I had only 10 days out of 30 days last cycle without bleeding.  Maybe I could get pregnant if I wasn't bleeding all the time.

6.  Yes, I collect turtles.  I'll have to go around my house soon and take pictures of the turtle figurines.  My parents have given me ones from Australia and Italy so far.  If we got a pet, I would want a turtle.

7. I posted yesterday about the IF weekend.  I hope to meet some of you lovely ladies.

IF weekend reminder

Keep Calm and Carry On (yes, she's still alive...I talked to her yesterday) and I have planned a get-together in NW Louisiana at my house August 13-15 (rescheduled from June), which we had sent an email about a few weeks ago.  If you are tentatively attending, please comment here or send me an email (which can be found in my profile).  I just need to get an idea or how many people we might have.  I'll send more details soon via email.

I'll post a cycle update tomorrow since it'll probably be CD 1.  I'm spotting again, which started Tuesday (P+11).