Missed again

Our timing was bad again.  We only got the day after o.   D was out of town Sunday afternoon (and not feeling well before he left) through Wednesday night, and it looks like I o'd on Tuesday.  It's really frustrating that this is the third month in a row that we have no chance.  It would be nice for my body to be cooperative one of these months, so we can actually have a chance.  It's obviously not going to happen when our timing is off so much.  

What I'm thankful for

1. D- He is a great husband, and he loves me despite my craziness.
2. Our families- We both have great families who we love to spend time with.
3. Our jobs- We both have stable jobs and are in a stable place financially.
4. Our IRL friends- Even though we don't get to spend much time with our Houston friends, they are still there for us.
5. IF blogger friends- I would not be in a very good place right now without my friends in the computer. They have been support for the times when I didn't have anyone IRL to talk to about IF stress.
6. The Church- One of the great things about Catholicism is that you can go to Mass in different places and hear the same liturgy.
7. God- For all the gifts that he's given me, even though I don't thank him enough.

We are having early dinner with my parents and late dinner with D's parents. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

My friend David

I have a friend who is an up and coming Catholic musician.  His name is David Hust and he has a CD called For Your Glory with mainly songs written by other friends.  I just thought that I would share this in case anyone is interested.  Go check it out.

Back to 14

I'm pretty sure that I'm going to ovulate soon, and I really don't think that what I had was a real period (for me at least...too short and no real cramps).  I'm going to count this as still part of cycle #14.  Knowing my body, I'm more likely to ovulate on CD 36 or later than CD 7-10.  I'm not going to change my creighton chart.  I just wanted to let anyone who's paying attention know.

What I did on my day off, and It's in the Mail

I had today off since both doctors that I work for were on call this weekend, and the dad ended up having the day off.  I actually got a lot done

1. Look at skirt that my mother bought so I can make jewelry to match- check
2. Buy beads to match Mom's skirt, to make a Christmas necklace for her and to finish Grandma's earrings-check
3. Finish earrings for Grandma so they can be sent- check
4. Pick up records from ob-gyn's office to be sent to Dr. Hilgers- check
5. Go to post office to send earrings & necklace to Grandma and letter (w/ records) to Dr. Hilgers- check
6. Get flu shot- check
7. Drop off refill prescription for prenatals- check

As you can see from #5, my letter to Dr. Hilgers is in the mail.  I'm quite excited about that.  Now I wait for the reply, and I have a handy-dandy ticker to tell me how long it's been.

I'm pretty sure that the bleeding that I had wasn't a real period since I'm having very fertile (10K or 10 C/K) since yesterday.  Of course D is out of town, so if I'm going to ovulate soon, hopefully my body can wait until at least Wednesday night, when D and I will actually be together.  Of course, we'll be staying at his parents' house, but we'll have to make due.  I'm trying to decide if I should be counting this as a separate cycle or combine it back with the last.  When I sent my chart, I put it on a new line as a separate cycle.  However, it really seems like it could be part of the last, since I am on CD 5 with fertile mucus and only spotting (not even close to normal) and I didn't have a clear ovulation the last "cycle".

Feeling left behind

I used spend a lot of time on the Nest TTC message boards, but I don't go on much lately.  I do lurk every one in a while to check and see if there are any new pregnancies.  There have been a lot of pregnancies there and in the blogs that I read, and some women have gone through their entire pregnancy since I start reading their blogs.  I'm really happy for them that they have finally been blessed with motherhood, especially since they are IF.  The problem is that I feel left behind.  I just keep seeing their tickers go up week by week, and I feel no closer to acheive a pregnancy.  It doesn't help when I have my period and my hormones are wacky and I just feel sad and want to cry.

I'll be sending my letter to Dr. Hilgers tomorrow afternoon, hopefully, if I can get my records from my dr's office.  I'm probably going to have to bring the little boy I nanny for with me (and hopefully his big brother to walk around with him) while I get the records.  I really need to get the letter sent so that I can feel like I'm making some progress.

Right now, I don't feel like any of the cycles have a chance of working.  We are still going to try of course, but the confidence isn't there. I need some answers from Dr. Hilgers on the kinds of testing and treatments that we might be looking at, and getting that done before I'll have any real hope that I can get pregnant.  I feel like it's going to be at least 6 months if not a year from now before we have a chance of this working.  It's almost been 18 months since we started trying, and I'm thinking it's going to be at least 2 years from when we started trying before we might have some success.

I'm only having light flow today, which is strange for me for CD 4.  I also seemed to be having some 10KL.  My body is obviously very confused.

D and I were looking at my chart, and he wants to try to start having sex earlier, like CD 12 and do it every other day.   He's worried that we are missing it and that my temp spike doesn't happen until a couple of days after I o.  I'm all for more sex; D has generally been the one who's too stressed and tired.  I know that this is a strange request, but please pray that D will follow through with this.  

D left for another business trip this afternoon.  He wasn't feeling well before he left, but luckily he was feeling better when I called to check on him.  I'm ready for Wednesday, since D and I will be meeting up then at his parents' house and then we'll be having Thanksgiving with both families.

Surprise CD 1..cycle 15

My period just started, and it's pretty heavy so it's got to be the real thing.  I'm only at maybe 9 DPO, assuming that I even ovulated. I don't know why this happened.  I'm going to be sending my letter to Dr. Hilgers on Monday since I don't have my medical records yet.  I'm still not sure what to do about marking a peak day or leaving it blank. If anyone has advice, please leave a comment.

Sick

I was up last night from 11pm-4am throwing up every hour or more.  It was quite unplesant.  I called the people I nanny for and the grandmother was able to come watch them for the day.  I slept until 11 am, and I'm just going to chill for the day.  I hopefully I won't get sick again.  It's been a while since I've had been that sick, and I'm glad it seems to be over.

Waiting for Monday

I should have confirmation if I ovulated on Monday, since my period should arrive on Sunday or Monday if I ovulated when I think I did.  If my period doesn't come, it could be late ovulation, an annovulatory cycle or I could be pregnant.  I'm not testing until at least Tuesday or Wednesday if my period hasn't shown up.  If it's late ovulation, I better ovulate some time soon since I'm already on CD 29 (haha...we know our body will do what we want, right?).   I also have to wait until Monday to get my records from my dr, since she won't be in the office to sign off on the release before then.  If I can get the records and my period has come by then, I should be sending my letter to Dr. Hilgers on Monday.

It's been a long week, since I've had to wake up at 5:15 or 5:30 every day so far instead of my usual 6:00.  I also have shoulder and lower back pain right now.

I'm really looking forward to Thanksgiving.  We are going to be going home and spending it with both sets of parents.  Since they only live a couple miles apart, we can do early dinner with my parents and late with D's parents.  D will be on a business trip from Sunday to Wednesday, but he'll be meeting me in Houston on Wednesday night.

Feeling sad

I think a lot of the sadness I'm feeling today comes from the fact that I had my annual well woman/pap this morning at my ob/gyn.  Going there is disappointing.  I had hope that the Clomid would help me get pregnant, and they also never found a cause for the bleeding I was having a few months ago.  Also, when I went last November, I never thought that I'd be going back the following November and not be pregnant.  

I was not impressed with the comment that I got from the NP when she was asking if we were still trying to get pregnant.  She said the famous "I bet if you stop trying it will happen then".  I replied that I'm pretty sure that there is something causing our problems and it needs to be found and treated.  Everyone who works in a ob/gyn's office should have to take a workshop on things that help those who are infertile and what not to say.  I also wish that I hadn't had to sit and look at the bulletin board of birth annoucements.  By the time I left, I was distracted enough that I forgot to request copies of my medical records to send to Dr. Hilgers.  I have to remember to call tomorrow.

I'm feeling sad and cranky right now and D's at basketball and won't be home for a couple more hours.

More craziness from my body

I had some even more peak-like mucus (10 C/K) yesterday, and my temp this morning was 97.6.  I have no idea if I o'd yet and I'm trying to keep our bases covered.  Luckily, D was in the mood to make sure our timing would be ok.  I have my annual at my ob/gyn later this morning.

Weird ovary-area pain, and my cousin's baby

Today is CD 26.  I've had weird fullness/pain (but not really painful) in the area near my ovaries off and on for a week or two (so before and after o by 5 or more days). It' mainly on the right now but I'm pretty sure that it was on the left some too.  It's reminds me of how my ovaries felt on clomid, but I'm not on anything other than my B6.  It's weird and slightly uncomfortable.  

Other than that, I'm having mostly 6C or 4 but I keep having a 10 C observation during the day.  I really feel strongly that my peak was CD 21, this doesn't seem like really peak mucus and my temperature matches up.  I'm going to be sending my chart to Dr. Hilgers in about a week so I would like some advice on how mark my peak day.

My cousin on my mom's side had her baby yesterday.  This is the unmarried 19-year old.  The baby seems to be doing well.  One of my cousin's wives (this is on my dad's side) is due in the next few weeks too.

I'm not feeling like this cycle has much likelihood of working.  I've had congestion and other sinus and throat ickiness for a while now.  I had the extra long brown spotting/bleeding.  I've had the high temps before o and the weird bouts of 10 C after.  I'll be sending in my chart at the end of this cycle.  I just don't see it happening.

Condensing

I'm going to be moving my old posts from my nest blog over.  Just a FYI.

Cycle Update

I'm pretty sure that I o'd on Tuesday.  I had to override FF since my temps earlier this week were high.  It also looks like my Peak Day was Tuesday, so they match up which is nice since previous cycles didn't.  Our timing would be pretty good (o/peak-3, o/peak-1, o/peak), unlike recent cycles where we only had o-day.  However, we've had decent timing 10 other times (two cycles we missed the fertile window and one cycle was the no intercourse at all cycle).

Well, this is annoying.  I just used the restroom, and there was 10 C/KL.  I'm ready to get this cycle over with and get my letter sent to Dr. Hilgers so that I can have some answers.  I wish that I would have start Creighton charting earlier, so that we could start treatments this year since the deductible is already satisfied.

Quick update

Just a quick cycle update and prayer request.  

I'm still waiting to o on CD 20, so the last two or three months of CD 18 o were probably due to the Vitex.  I'm having good (10C/KL) mucus, and my temp finally dropped (97.3 vs. 97.8) so I hope that I'll be oing soon.  Tomorrow would be my normal CD 21 o, so we'll have to see if that happens.

My grandmother was in the hospital over the weekend for some bleeding.  She should be out by now, but they didn't have answers on what her problem was last I heard.  Please keep her in your prayers.

My crazy body (part who knows)

My body is still quite confusing.  I had some fertile mucus (10 C/KLx1) from Sunday to Tuesday, on Wednesday it was not fertile mucus (6Cx1), and I had some very fertile mucus (10KLx1) right before bed last night.  My temperature is higher than usual for pre-o.  I had some twinges/ovary pain like when I was on clomid.  I don't really know what to expect since my body is being unclear.  It's quite annoying.

Well...at least it's over (except here)

I don't talk about politics much, but I'm going to get this off my chest.

I'm wishing the election had gone differently.  I know that McCain and Palin would have been better for the country, but we can't change what happened.  Some things that I'll be praying for:

1) The safety of American troops here and abroad as well as all Americans.  I worry that the country won't be as safe with Obama as commander-in-cheif (and Biden said there will be an international incident in the first six months).

2) The lives of the unborn and that God will place adoption the mothers who have unplanned pregnancies.  Obama's administration will likely remove the few restrictions that are currently placed on abortion, so those who want to protect life will have to work to change the minds of the women (and their boyfriends/husbands) considering abortions.  

3) That the economy will be able to recover despite the problems that Obama's economic policies will cause.  The change in the tax rate after the Bush tax cuts expire will be a big blow to a lot of people (some of whom voted for Obama since he said he'd cut their taxes).

4) That there will be strong conservatives that are ready for the 2010 congressional races and that in 2012, we will have a presidental candidate that we can truly vote for.

The good news is that we have another chance to take back the House and Senate in 2010.  I hope that conservative leaders will emerge that can help that to happen and the Republicans now will vote as conservatives.  

Due to Hurricane Gustav, the September congressional primaries for parts of Louisiana were delayed until October.  That means that the runoffs were on the November ballot and the final race isn't until early December.  Joy, I get to deal with campaign calls for another month.

 

And I thought my body was going to be cooperative

When I had a tiny bit of blood mixed with 10C/KL on Sunday (CD 12), I wasn't too concerned.  When I had even more brown spotting yesterday, I was a bit annoyed.  When it was even more this morning, now I'm frustrated.  I thought that since I barely had any spotting last cycle, that maybe it was just the Vitex that caused the abnormal bleeding.  I haven't taken the Vitex since the end of September, so that's shouldn't be the problem.  My body is obviously just screwed up (I say that like I didn't already know it's true).

The good news is that I shouldn't o before the weekend, which is appreciated since D is out of town until Friday night.  I'm ready to just get this cycle over with so I can send Dr. Hilgers the letter and get started on finding some answers.  I just want there to be the possibility of pregnancy, and I don't trust that my body is in a place where that can happen.

"So are you thinking about kids"

D's work friends are generally pretty nice, but the baby questions and TTC advice from them drives me crazy.  We went to a Halloween party last night, and of course it was brought up by one of the people he works with, and ended up where they were saying things about having babies for about 10 minutes.  The ones that we do mention that we are trying to have the "wonderful" advice of "have more sex" and "relax and don't try so hard".  It's hard to figure out how to handle it since he's the one who works with them.

Earlier this week, my cousin asked me a couple things on the family website including if we were thinking about having kids soon.  I responded that we have been trying since the wedding in July 2007.  The cousins on that side of the family are mostly on their second child and all but one are younger than me (some by almost 3 years).  It was hard to see two of my cousins' wives announce pregnancies earlier this year.  One of them did take 10 months to get pregnant and she had a previous miscarriage, so it wasn't as hard to be happy for her.  This side of the family also lives on the other side of the country so I only see them every couple years.  They are pretty tight-knit, but it's hard for me that I'm not a part of it.  The cousins on the other side live closer, but they still live a couple hours a way and the oldest is 5 years younger (the youngest is 17 years younger).  My 19 year old cousin is due in 3 weeks, around the same time as the cousin on the other side's wife.

I did work on my letter to Dr. Hilgers, so that I can send it when this cycle is done (around November 20 is my best guess...unless we have a miracle).  My next follow-up with my Creighton instruction is on Wednesday.  I hope to be oing on Saturday (CD 18...today is CD 12).  I'm glad that it falls on Saturday since D just left for a business trip and I won't see him until Friday night.  "We" are dogsitting...really me because D work yesterday and I didn't, so I was home all day with the dogs.  They are good dogs, but it's just that he was the one who agreed to it, but I'm the one whose spending the time with them.