Getting ready to go on vacation

D and I are getting ready to drive to upstate NY for his sister's wedding. We leave tomorrow and we'll be gone for a little over a week so we have a lot to prepare before we go (hence the lack of updates this week). I'll have my computer while we're traveling, so I should be able to post a few times.

The good news (or at least what it looks like now) is that the second FP/bleeding seems to have ended. It would be really nice to not have to deal with that especially since we'll be driving for a couple days. I doubt that I'll be oing next Wednesday, but it would be nice. It's more likely that I'll be oing 2 weeks from Saturday.

Second FP?

I think that Provera may have caused a second FP starting yesterday. How exciting. Now I probably have to wait 3 more weeks to o. My body is really driving me crazy, and I don't know how much longer I can deal with my body being screwed up. I'm so frustrated and sad right now.

And it returns...CD 11

The spotting/bleeding is back. This sucks. What the hell is wrong with me? I'm not going back to the dr, she has no idea what's causing it either.

Done with Provera

I took my last provera last night, and the spotting seems to be gone as of yesterday. Hopefully, the spotting won't return. If it did, I would be beyond frustrated since I've already dealt with it for the past two cycles.

D is home this week, which is very exciting since he was traveling for the last SIX weeks. He, of course, had to work today (but he does get paid extra for weekends). We leave on Friday to drive up to my SIL's wedding, which is the following Friday. We'll be going wine tasting the Monday of our trip and SIL's wedding reception is at a different winery.

We'll be staying at a hotel, which is good since I should be oing on Wednesday of that week. I'm hoping that I'll have a less stressed-out husband since he won't have to work that week...which means romance hopefully.

One year ago today

Cycle #1 started a year ago today. I never expected that we would get to this day and not at least be pregnant. I guess that I'll just have to be glad that I can do the wine tasting when we go up for SIL's wedding, especially since her reception is at a winery.

In random future plans, D is fine with cloth diapering since he and his sisters were actually cloth diapered.

Names for Non-Existent Children

Please forgive my craziness, this is kind of a confession.

Last night after getting off the phone with D (who woke me up), I was trying to fall back asleep and for some reason baby names came into my head. We have already talked about names (we talked about it after a couple months of dating) and we have two that we like for sure. One is a girl's name and the other is a boy's name. I don't want to share the name and maybe not even the sex of the baby with others (though D and I will probably find out). I want it to be a surprise for everyone else, and I want most gender-neutral stuff at showers.

D is into initials (his are DRS), so he would like intials that spell something. He wants to use his middle name for our first-born son but the first name we like best starts with an A. He doesn't want the initials ARS (he thinks arse), so that name is out for our first. We plan to use it if we have a second son, with a different middle name (ABS). For a girl, we have the name for the first picked out (CGS). Ideally, two boys and a girl would be a good makeup based on name choice.

We had originally decided on a name for the first boy, but I've decided that I don't really like it that much. I am now thinking about J names (JRS) or maybe a N name (NRS). At this point, there is still a long way to go before naming a baby, so I haven't brought it up with D recently to get his take. I'll probably start talking to him about it once we have a BFP.

When spotting is good

I'm actually to the point where I'm spotting instead of bleeding, and it's only CD 6. Now this may sound normal to most people, but I generally have 7 to 9 days of full on bleeding followed by spotting. I've only had shorter periods during cycles after clomid. I'm hoping that this means that the spotting/bleeding won't happen again this cycle. I'm not sure what I'd to if it happened again.

I'm really looking forward to D getting home on Friday. He may have to work on Sunday, but he should be in town all next week. We leave to head up to his sister's wedding and other than some separate wedding related stuff we'll be together all that week (which coincides with o week conveniently).

Good talk

D and I actually talked about the plan regarding involving doctors in the whole trying for a baby thing. We agreed that we would go back to just trying on our own until the end of the year (other than him hopefully getting an SA done). On the SA front, I told him that I just wanted to know what we were working with on his end.

I've got a major backache right now.

On the nanny front, it's been interesting since the boy (10 1/2 months old) is teething so he's cranky and the girl (almost 3 years old) is finally being weaned from the pacifier so she's got a nightmare attitude right now.

Weekend

My parents came to visit this weekend. We got wood to make storage in the garage rafter, and the stuff to make in-house attic access. Right now the only way into the attic is a tiny hole in the pantry and you have to move all the shelves out. I'm hoping that D will get that sorted out by the end of August.

He's out of town again this week, but it should be the last week that he's traveling for a while. He should be home next week and then we leave for SIL's wedding and we'll be gone for that work week (plus a couple days).

I'm sad that D's gone again. It doesn't help that I didn't sleep well last night and I have major cramps. I really hope that my body will get back to normal after the Provera, so we'll at least have a chance this cycle. I'm so tired of bleeding. Since the beginning of June I've only had about 10 day were I wasn't bleeding.

CD 1...Cycle 11

Quicky post: Cycle #11 seems to have started today. Next Wednesday (July 23) will be a year since Cycle #1 of officially TTC (I o'd right before the wedding so we didn't have a chance that cycle). I took my first Provera pill today. There's no way I'm pregnant, and I want to get done with the bleeding.

Provera

The reason that my dr. prescribed provera is that is it is supposed stop irregular bleeding. However, it is contraindicated for pregnancy, so I want to make sure there's no miracle pregnancy first.

Sad

I just can't get out of the sadness. Ever since I started bleeding the day I o'd, I've felt sad and a little scared. It really bothers me and makes me a little depressed that there are no answers as to why I'm bleeding. I'm supposed to start Provera, but I'm really paranoid that somehow the beta was too early and that if I end up taking it, I'll find out I'm actually pregnant. To avoid that possibility, I'm going to wait until Saturday and test then. If it's negative then, I'll start the Provera. I really hope that next cycle doesn't involve crazy bleeding; I can't handle it happening again. I need there to be a chance that this could work sometime soon. I really want a baby before my 29th birthday in October next year, so we have about 6 more months for that to happen.

No more

I've decided no more drs until I'm either pregnant or we can afford to see an RE. I can't handle spending so much money for no answers and no results. No clomid, nothing except my vitamins.

Negative beta...big surprise, right?

Negative beta draw at 9 DPO. Now they want to put me on Provera. I don't even know if I should keep going to this dr (ob/gyn).

Hope when hopeless (or why I hate my body)...10 DPO

That's how I feel. There is this tiny glimmer of hope, even with the bleeding, that the dr's office will call and say that my beta was positive at 9 DPO. It's insanity to believe that it's possible, since I've been bleeding or spotting since the day I o'd. I'm not even going to call to check on the results, I'm just going to wait until they call me. I just want to know why I'm bleeding; I just need answers.

Blood, blood and more blood

I'm still bleeding/spotting. I got my progesterone levels back and it was over 40. After getting those results, my dr wanted a beta done (even though I'm only 9 DPO...crazy early). Hopefully there will be some answers soon. This craziness is driving me crazy.

Happy Anniversary to Me...9 DPO

Today is our anniversary. D is out of town until Friday. We celebrated our anniversary on Saturday and had a good time, but I'm still very disappointed that he's not here.

We have been trying for a year now, although I o'd 2 days before the wedding so we didn't have a chance that cycle. Cycle #1 TTC officially started July 23. I'm actually still only in the 2ww of cycle #10 (9 DPO). Cycle #12 won't end until around mid-September . Depending on whether you count months or cycles, I'm close to an official label of "infertility", either 9 days or 2 months.

I should get my progesterone b/w results back sometime today.

D has decided he wants to try yoga, so I put some of the podcast workouts that I do and a couple for weight loss and love handles. I hope that he likes them; it would be kind of cool to do them together.

Still spotting, bloodwork, anniversary dinner...8DPO

Yesterday I went to go get my blood drawn for my progesterone bloodwork. I was a little surprised that they took 4 vials. I am still spotting but it's definitely not the full on bleed like earlier in the week.

Since D is going out of town again later this afternoon, we went out for our first anniversary dinner last night. We went to a "fancy" steakhouse and it wasn't as good as we expected for the price we paid. I told him we should just go to the one in our hometown which is fabulous. I got D brown socks (he didn't want me to get anything else for him) and a card. He "bought" me a new bra (I went and bought it myself). I'm very happy about the new bra, my others were getting old, worn out and too small.

Future SA? and just spotting...6 DPO

This part is XP from TTC6+: D may finally be getting closer to being willing to get an SA done. He actually acknowledge the possibility that I might not be the only defective one. He's going to be OOT for work for at least the next two weeks, and then we go to my SIL's wedding, but after that he may actually get tested. I be happy as long as it's done in the next few months, preferably by my birthday in October.

I'm finally just spotting instead of full on bleeding. I get my progesterone tested tomorrow, but I won't have the results until sometime Monday.

Dr. appt...5 DPO

She thinks that my bleeding is due to poor ovulation, and that's it probably not endo. I'll be getting my progesterone bloodwork done on Saturday, and I'll have the results Monday (9 DPO). I don't know what to do since we can't afford to go to an RE yet, and I'm not sure right now that I want to do the 4th round of clomid. I guess if the levels are low, we'll end up doing it but it may not be until the following cycle, not this next one. One good thing is that the bleeding has slowed from yesterday.

I'm really sad and frustrated right now. I don't know what to do. I really wish that D was home because I need a hug, and he's not a big phone talker.

Still no answers...4 DPO

I had my u/s today and everything looked normal. My dr was out of the office so she's hopefully going to call me tomorrow. The bleed is definitely not getting any better, if anything it's worse and heavier...and TMI ahead: clotty. I'm so sad and frustrated right now. I just want to know what's going on.

Disappointed

I just found out that D will be out of town for our first anniversary next Monday. This will like the 5th week in a row that he's been traveling. He will probably be out of town the following week too. He's been covering for a person who left the company and now he's training the replacement and covering for them when they go down to the corporate office (which is here). He is around on the weekends (well Saturday and part of Sunday), but I'm ready for him to be around during the week.

I think that I'll end up needing to wait on my next round of Clomid, since I don't know for sure that he's actually going to be around at the appropriate time. The good news is that without Clomid, I should hopefully o the week of my SIL's wedding, so we should have a chance at good timing.

I didn't make it to the u/s appointment for today, so I'll be going tomorrow at 10:15.

3 DPO...U/S tomorrow

I have an ultrasound tomorrow to try to figure out why I'm bleeding. I'll hopefully have some answers around 11 or 12 tomorrow. I really hope that they can figure out why I'm bleeding.

Still bleeding...2 DPO

I called my dr since I have been bleeding for three days starting at o time. Of course, I managed to accidentally put my phone on silent. When I saw that they had called, the nurse had already left for the day. So now I have to wait for them to call back tomorrow.

Random Bleeding...Round 2 and other stuff

I'll start off with the fun. We went to the July 4th/cousin's birthday, etc. party yesterday. We hung out and had some drinks and talked. It was a good time for the most part. My uncle somehow knew that we have been trying, and we hear a couple of interesting stories. My 19-year-old (unmarried) pregnant cousin was there with the baby's daddy. I don't think that we are supposed to know that she's pregnant, but everyone (except my grandparents) knows. It was frustrating for me, since it will be the first great-grandchild on that side. Also, she has never really hung out with the family even at family gatherings, so I'm not close to her. I had a few times that I got upset with baby/pregnancy talk and had to leave the room.

I should hopefully be o'ing today, so we had intercourse this morning. Afterwards, I was bleeding for no apparent reason, which is always awesome. D will be out of town again this coming week, so if I don't o today (or tomorrow) then it would be best if I didn't until next Saturday. I haven't gotten a positive OPK yet, but yesterday's was darker than the day before's. I haven't tested yet today. (The line one was positive, but the digital was negative.)

We are going to see my grandparents this afternoon, and then we are driving home. I'll post either later or tomorrow hopefully.

Travels etc.

We are going to Austin tonight when D gets back from Memphis and staying with my brother DF tonight. We are going to a July 4/cousin's birthday/aunt & uncle's 25 anniversary party tomorrow. We are staying in a hotel in Austin on Friday, and going to see my grandparents on Saturday.

I'm still waiting to o, which is good since D is out of town still. I'm not really expecting to o until Saturday anyways (CD 21). I haven't gotten a + OPK yet (or even close), but I'm kind of excited to try out the digital. I'm doing the regular line ones until I get what I think is a + or close, and I'm going to confirm with the digital.

I'm trying to decide if we should do the clomid next cycle or the following or just wait. We are still getting dr's bills from my last round in April. The few things that have been "covered" are part of our deductible.

Yoga update

In the last two weeks or so since I started doing yoga again, I have done at least one 20-30 minute workout every day but one. At least half of the days I have done 2 or more that day. I'm feeling pretty good, but I can definitely tell that I haven't done it in a while. I generally do my Yoga for Fertility (which is a quiet one that I can do at night) every day. I alternate the other workouts that I do (legs, shoulders, etc.) depending on how I feel and what I've done lately. I haven't done all the ones I downloaded yet from Yogamazing, but I'm trying to work my way through them.