CD 1...Cycle 27

Yesterday was CD 1, after a tiny bit of pink on Sunday night.  I had a 27 day cycle, with ovulation on CD 16, but only a 11 day LP.  I'm hope that PPVI will call soon after the first of the year with the plan for probable antibiotics,  possible hydrocort (I haven't heard anything about my cortisol level...Misfit, it was just a 9am blood draw), and any other possible treatment for my uterine inflammation.  I just want to have everything in place (and hopefully at therapeutic levels) by the time my cycle after surgery starts.

My bbs hurt something serious.  I've only had pain in them for the past three or four cycles.  My incisions from surgery are doing fine.  I'm still waiting for the redness and crustiness from the allergic reaction around my belly button incision to fully heal, but the actual incision looks pretty good.

We may use days of fertility depending on how we feel, but I don't see full on Trying until after my surgery.

We had a good Christmas.  My brother and I made a whole lot of food for just 3 people, but it was really good and I have had to cook since we have so many leftovers.  I got an ice cream maker attachment for my stand blender and a mini food processor (so I don't have use and clean my big one for small amounts), and both sets of parents sent some money (which will be a big help with the whole second out-of-town surgery in three months thing).  We are going to our hometown for New Year's, which will be fun.

Merry Christmas

My youngest brother K, who is currently a nomad since my parents moved out of the country and he's in college, is visiting us for Christmas.  We didn't travel to see D's parents (who we saw last weekend) since D had to work today and has to work Saturday.  K is helping me bake for Christmas dinner since he's a wonderful cook.

My advent secret prayer buddy was Life in Mazes (her blog is private).  My intentions for her were that she and her husband would be able to find peace and hope even while grieving the EDD of Nicky and that they would be able to feel joy and hope in their continue efforts towards TTC and adoption.  I asked for the intercession of St. Nicolas, LIM's babies in heaven Nicky and Sam.

She was also my secret prayer buddy and sent me a prayer box charm and Mary and Jesus visor clip, both of which I love.  I've got the box on my key chain right now and the visor clip is on the visor (obviously!).  She also sent me a lovely letter and a Christmas card photo of her and J.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas celebrating the birth of the Lord with their loved ones.

Break cycle

D caught the cold I had before my surgery, and I'm pretty sure I'm P+2 today. We didn't use any days of fertility since he was sick. I had serious ovary pain on Wednesday, which I'm pretty sure was peak day. I'm pretty bloated still. We are going to a wedding this weekend and I was trying on dresses, and D commented on how bloated I am and how I look pregnant in one of the dress. I'm not wearing that one, obviously since I don't want to look pregnant if I don't actually get to be pregnant. Thankfully we don't have any more weddings that I know of until about 2.5 months after my next surgery.

I'm not too concerned about a break cycle now since it's unlikely that anything will happen before I get the endo removed and the uterine inflammation treated. I have pretty much moved on to not have a chance of having a child before 2011 since we wouldn't really have a chance until my April cycle. I'm hoping that Dr. H will have some results of the cortisol b/w and the cultures from the surgery by the first of the year. I'll hopefully have some treatment started by the time my next surgery happens.

My mom is coming from Qatar for my surgery (which was moved to March 8), and she has been buying all the plane tickets and get the hotel reserved and everything. D is staying in Omaha until Friday, and my mom is flying back with me and then staying at our house through the weekend since D will be working.

Article on Chastity and Waiting

Life in Mazes shared this article with me, and I thought I'd pass it along.

I'm still doing ok after my surgery. I'm feeling pretty good except I have a rash by my incision (don't worry...I already checked with Dr. H's office and they said to just use hydrocortizone ointment on it). I went back to work yesterday. I'm trying to minimize how much I carry W, the 2 year old I take care of. I think I overdid it a bit yesterday; I got pretty tired. I think the spotting finally stopped yesterday (the good news it was red and not brown!). I've had 10YL for the last couple days, but we haven't used any days yet, maybe tonight.

I've been talking to my mom to make plans for her to come for my next surgery.

Surgery

I'm doing ok. The pain isn't too bad. I've got just a bit of shoulder pain and of course abdominal pain, but the tylenol is keeping it manageable. I'm mostly over my cold, but I've still got a bit of sinus junk. When I cough or laugh, it hurts a little bit.

Ok, so the results of the surgery: I have endometrosis. I have lots of little spots on both ovaries, and some on my pelvic wall. I don't have endometrosis on my bowel, bladder or any of the other organs. Even though they were small amounts, Dr. H didn't remove them since they were lots of different spots. I would have gotten lots of adhesions most likely. I've also got signs of inflammation in my uterus. I have a cyst on one of my tubes which is weighting it down away from my ovary. My tubes look clear and the pressure was good. I've got my laparotomy scheduled for March 16, and hopefully after that, I'll be endo-free for a while, and have a possiblity of conceiving. Dr. H also wants D to get another SA done since the last one was just informal (I'm not too worried since D's last one was good). I'm getting my cortisol tested tomorrow morning. Dr. H said that after my lapartomy and if D's SA is good, we should have pretty good chances. Since my hormone levels were well above normal, Dr. H feels like they are not an issue for me.

D is taking very good care of me. He's gotten my food, helps me out of bed and has me hold onto him when we are walking outside because of the slipperiness.

When we were flying up here on Monday, we had to get on a earlier flight, otherwise would have completely missed on connection which would have left before the original flight even arrived. The weather here in Omaha has been pretty bad. It was snowing when we got in on Monday. A blizzard came in on Tuesday and it took us about an hour to get to the hospital for all the pre-op stuff. We got to the hospital yesterday with about an hour before we needed to get there. The snow stopped but it's really cold.

T-1

Tomorrow is my surgery. It took us about an hour this morning to get to the hospital for the pre-op appointment because the snow was bad and the traffic was bad. I had started drinking the water for the u/s and they told me that they needed a urine sample, so I had to start over on filling my bladder. I got to the u/s appointment and I thought my bladder would burst. The u/s tech and the fellow that was training both commented about how full it was. Thankful they did a quick transabdominal u/s and let me use the restroom before doing the much more extensive transvaginal u/s. They saw some possible endometriomas and Dr. Hil.gers mentioned that he thought there was a very good chance that I have endometriosis (which is what I expected since many people including my mom suggested it and my mom had it).

I've done the enema. It wasn't too bad, but the problem was I had to go to the bathroom right before it so I was worried that I didn't get everything, but I think it's ok. I took my shower and I'm about to get D to help me with the antimicrobial skin prep wipedown. D is supposed to be calling Sew so she can keep everyone updated. I've got to be at the hospital at 7 and surgery is starting at 8:30. We're leaving for the hospital early because of the weather, so it's time for bed. Thanks for all of your prayers.

Great timing :(

I'm getting a cold. The kids I nanny for have been sick the last few days, and I should have started Zi.cam then, but I forgot. Surgery is in 4 days. I hope I can keep from getting any worse with sinus rinsing, lots of Vitamin C, and Z.icam.

Anyone have any advice about the surgery?

CD 1...Cycle 26

Today is CD 1 (I'm pretty sure...hard to know since I've been spotting/bleeding for over a week), and my surgery is in just over a week. This time next week, we'll be in Omaha (and I'll have to give myself an enema...oh joy). I'll be on CD 9 for my surgery on December 9. My bbs are still hurting which is weird and annoying. It's weird since I've only had it the last few cycles.

Novena to Our Lady of Guadalupe Day 1

I'm going to be saying this novena starting today, November 30 and finishing the day before my surgery, December 8. If you would like to join me and get an email, comment or send me an email at mrsblondies (at) gmail (dot) com.

Immaculate and Perpetual Virgin of Guadalupe, you appeared on Mount Tepeyac to reconcile mankind to God. Plead and intercede with you Son Jesus today, that a bond of Holy Love is formed between all humanity and God.

You left your image on the cloak of Juan Diego, using a humble vessel to bring your Grace into the world. Imprint on our hearts the virtue of humanity, dear Mother, and use us to bring others to your Son.

Your Image of Guadalupe was a symbolic story to the Aztecs, converting them from paganism to Christianity. Pray for us, dear Mother, that our lives will be symbols of Holy Love, converting those around us.

You proclaimed yourself our Mother and Protectress when you appeared on Mt. Tepeyac. Take us into your Maternal Heart, dear Mother, and protect our faith.

Our Lady of Guadalupe pray for us!

To wait and to hope

Today at Mass during the homily, the priest was discussing how Advent is to remind us of the time of the Israelites in the Old Testament. The quote that really struck me was that they "had little reason to celebrate, or to wait and to hope." This quote is so applicable to infertility. Even though Advent is waiting for a birth, I think that it's also a season for infertiles. Our lives are spent in waiting (trying to be hopeful).

I also talked to my priest about getting Anointing of the Sick next week.

I'm at 11 DPO and still spotting/bleeding, but not so much that it's a new cycle yet. I'll be on cycle 7-9 on surgery day, which is in 10 days!

Thankful

I'm thankful for

-my family, even though they are far away

-Skype, so I can "see" my family

-my in-laws, who are all wonderful people

-my grandparents, who are still chugging along

-D, who is a wonderful husband and truly loves me

-my surgery being in 13 days, and hopefully getting some answers

-the Catholic IF blogger community for all the support and information that I otherwise won't have

-God's love and blessing, even when I don't recognize them

-a friend who invited us for Thanksgiving, so I don't have to make a Thanksgiving meal for 2

-live in a country that allows us to have so many blessings

Picture Post

I just made this braclet. It has medals of St. Gerard, St. Anne, Blessed Kateri, and the Miraculous Medal.

D got these flowers for me on my birthday (Oct. 11). Lavender roses are my favorites, and white are a close second.

Our front yard during the flooding a few weeks ago.

This is our garage during the flooding. It's hard to see but there's about 2 inches of water inside the garage.

Our truck on the garage driveway during the flooding.


The flooding in the front yard on video. It's dark, but you can see how fast the water is flowing.






The flooding in the garage.

Awesome deal on Matt Maher's new album!

This week only - download Matt's newest album for $5 on Amazonmp3.comhttp://bit.ly/maheramazonmp3


If you've never hear Matt Maher, go check it out and also go look at his older albums.  He's a Catholic musician/songwriter.

Another brother as a priest?

One of my brothers (third of the four siblings...I'm the oldest) is a seminarian right now (the one who help to found the religious order that he's part of).  My youngest brother is a sophomore in college and is on a semester abroad in Austria.  He was recently in Medjugorje and this is what the email he sent:

Okay, so I haven't told anyone this because I wanted to tell you guys first. During the first day at Medjugorje, we climbed Apparition Hill, where the Blessed Virgin first appeared to the visionaries. We prayed the Rosary up the hill, and at the top there is a statue of Our Lady where she first appeared. Everyone sat there and prayed quietly. As I was sitting there, completely out of the blue, I hear a voice in my head, "K, I want you to be a priest." And, of course, my first reaction is "Woah, woah, woah, wait a minute, this is not what I planned." So of course I try to put it to the side and forget about it.

Later on that evening, there is adoration going on in the church. As I am in adoration, I hear the exact same thing again, and I honestly don't want to hear it. I want to have my own little plans and hopefully God will fit in them. Of course, God ruins our fun little plans and so yeah. God is calling me to become a priest. It's crazy. I still don't think I have quite processed it yet. But praise God for that. I really think this entire semester, especially on 10-day, prepared me for this in Medj. I really have just learned to trust in the Lord in all things, and to give Him all that I am. And I am so thankful for Our Lady's intercession, because I really do believe that this was the reason I finally heard the voice. I was able to be quiet, to get away from things, and just listen to the voice of the Lord.

I'm pretty sure that the oldest of my brothers will not end up being a priest since he's a big hippy, has never really been a practicing Catholic and has been dating the same girl for 9 years and bought a house with her (but still hasn't proposed).

Nevermind

I started spotting/bleeding last night right before bed.  Clearly I shouldn't have said anything in my post yesterday.  I really hope the surgery takes care of this.  I'll probably have bleeding from now until my surgery (and a bit after).  I hate bleeding for three weeks straight.  Only 16 more days until surgery.

Where to next and worries about IF and health care reform

Now that I'm about 2 weeks (17 days to be exact) from my surgery, I'm starting to think about what to do if there are problems other than what Dr. H looks for/finds.  What if I have implantation failure?  I don't know if I can afford to go see Dr. K.wak-K.im (in Chicago, TCIE is being treated by her).  I'd like to know whether the implantation zone of  my endometrium is getting sufficient blood flow.  Unless adoption falls into our laps (like might be happening for Sew), we couldn't afford to adoption for a couple more years.  I'm ready for the surgery to be done and to know what treatments we might need (or if he was able to clean out a moderate level of endo).  The good news is that my change in diet (based Fe.rtility, Cyc.les and Nu.trition) seems to have stopped my crazy spotting.  I can't guarantee it since this is only the third full cycle (and I'm only P+4) since I started it, but even D said that there was a difference.

Now that the Senate is getting close to passing health care reform, I'm getting worried.  I know that it doesn't go into effect for about 3 years, but I worry about whether IF people, especially us Catholic who want to treat the underlying causes and not do ART, will be able to get the treatment we want and need.  I don't know if there are any provisions in there about IF (IF is pretty much only on the radar of those who are dealing/have dealt with it).  Yes, changes need to be made to the health care system, but I'm very weary of the government (and especially this administration) being involved in it.

P+3 quick update

We ended up using P-2 and P-1.  CD 1 should be no later than Dec. 2, a week before surgery and I'll be on about CD 8. Surgery is in 18 days.

Concert

I'm on CD 18, waiting to o with 10KL.  Although D has said we will TTC this cycle, we haven't used any days yet.   I'm fine either way since my surgery is in 23 days.

This Saturday I went with my choir friends to the Mich.ael W. S.mith, Mat.t Ma.her (who was the main reason we went even though he wasn't the headliner), Ph.il St.acy, and Mer.edith Andrews concert.  It was lots of fun and M.att Ma.her was definitely the best part, although I'd have preferred to see a concert were he was the headliner and not at a Protestant church.

Men and IF

The Misfit at Being Infertile posted about how her husband finally showed his feelings about IF.  Her post got me thinking about the difference in how men show their feeling about IF.

I know that I've had issues where I got really frustrated with D because it seemed like he didn't care about all the IF stuff.  I think there are a few big issues that cause it to be difficult to see the pain that our husbands are going through with IF.  The first issue is that I think that often they don't want us to see their pain.  They are trying to be strong for us.  It's really hard for both people to be highly emotional over long periods of time, and we usually do need them to be our rock.  The second reason is that the men handle the intense emotions differently than women do, and men often have a hard time even acknowledging certain painful emotions (like sadness and depression).  We get frustrated because we don't see them showing their emotions the way we do.  Our husbands can feel intensely about IF, but we may only see small glimpses of it.

And on a complete different note, I've actually updated my recipe blog recently (I started in January but didn't do much with it until October).

27 days until surgery.

Another weird pain: Updated

For the past two days, I've been having a weird back and abdominal pain after I eat.  It lasts for a few hours, but it goes away so I don't think it's anything like appendicitis or food poisioning or anything like that.  I haven't eaten anything new, so I don't know what's going on.

I'm on CD 13 and I'm still waiting to see any sort of CM.  28 days until surgery.

Update:  It's worst after breakfast.  It's not as bad after lunch, and I don't remember it after dinner.  Since JB asked this is what I ate:
Yesterday & Today breakfast- Smoothie- Homemade with Spinach, Yogurt, Berries, Avocado & Flax Oil (it's what I have every morning) &Cereal- Food for Life Ezekiel 4:9 Almond
Yesterday & Today Lunch- Multigrain Pita Pocket with Hummus, Tomato (yesterday I had spinach and today I had brocolli and bean)
Yesterday Dinner- Swordfish in Herbed Butter Sauce & Ben & Jerry Peach Cobbler Ice Cream

Quick Update: 1 Month Until Surgery

Only 30 more days until my surgery with Dr. H in Omaha!!! It's CD 11 and I'm still spotting, even though it's more of a pink tinge to 8C. It seems like this cycle will probably go until just before my surgery, since I'm not feeling like it's going to be an early ovulation this month.

Another interesting feast day

St. Hannah's feast day is celebrated on December 9, the day of my surgery. St. Hannah is the mother of the prophet Samuel.

Patron Saint and Novena Plan

In the Patron Saint 0f 2010 drawing done by Where Angels Blog, Elizabeth, Mother of John the Baptist was chosen for me. Of course, Elizabeth dealt with infertility until advanced age, but finally conceived her son, John (the Baptist). Her feast day was yesterday, November 5.

Since my surgery falls on the feast day of St. Juan Diego and the day after the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, I'm planning to do a novena to Our Lady of Guadalupe.

Right now, I've just got spotting, which is normal for me on CD 8.

Cycle #25

Cycle 25 started Friday. Friday and Saturday were L days, but I'm pretty sure I'm moving up to M at least day, and the cramps have started to kick in. Like I said in my earlier post, I'm not really upset about not being pregnant now since the surgery is coming up in 38 days, and we have the tickets and everything. I'm disappointed that I only had an 11 day LP. I don't know if we'll try this cycle or not; it depends on D.

River in the Street

Me last year by our front porch. The water was higher at the back of our house. We had some bags of dirt that we used to sandbag the door just in case. This time the water only got about 6 feet from the house.

D last year by the fire hydrant in our yard (this time you could actually see some of the yellow part of the fire hydrant). Please ignore how crazy D looks and the beard, he shaved it right before his sister's wedding.

Our street flooded again last night. Thankfully no water got in the house and we only got about 2 inches in our detached garage. In May 2008, the water was about an inch from getting in the house. I have pictures and video from this time, but they're not loaded on the computer yet. I'll post them when I load them on. It, of course, started raining heavily about 7pm and I stayed up until 11:30 watching to see what was happening. D stayed up even later since he was super worried (understandably so), and we both had to be at work at 7. The bad part is that it still hasn't stopped rain, although it's now much lighter. I hear that our area was on the Weather channel nationally last night because of the flooding and tornados (one that knocked down a church steeple...the church that the family I nanny for goes to) in the area.

I started spotting this morning. The crazy thing is that I also started a new cycle in May 2008 right after the flooding. I'm fine with not being pregnant this cycle since my surgery is in 5 weeks and we already have the plane tickets. I am, however, disappointed that I only made it to P+12 before starting to spot. I really hoped I could make it to P+14. I'm not sure yet if this will be CD1 or not. T-40 days until surgery!

Weird pain

My lymph node in my right armpit is causing bb pain, but I don't know why it's swollen. It was bothering me yesterday too. I had to wear a tanktop instead of a bra today since it was bothering me so much. Very annoying.

P+11 and so far not spotting.

P+10

Still no spotting. Carry on.

P+8

I'm on P+8 and no spotting/bleeding so far (and we used days of fertility). I'll continue to update on whether any appears. That's all for now.

A Yummy Giveway for a Good Cause

Kathryn at Husing Adoption Report started a Etsy store to sell pound cakes and all the money raised will go to their adoption fund to adopt their third child. I'm also going to link to their store in my sidebar.

New Poll Up

If you are reading in Reader, click through and take the poll please!

P+2

It doesn't look like I o'd until CD 23, which was Sunday. We decided to use this cycle. I didn't stress about which days we used and let D decide the days. It was so much so much better in every way. We ended using P-2 and P. I'm not really expecting to get pregnant, but it would be nice if I didn't have any bleeding before starting my period.

It was good to see our friends and D's family this weekend, even though it was for a sad occasion. We saw some friends that we hadn't see in at least six months and got to spend time with D's best friend and his wife. The mass was really well done and touching.

Sad trip

Tomorrow is the funeral for my friend's brother. It's actually going to be the first funeral I've gone to. Please continue to keep his family in your prayers.

St. Teresa of Avila, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance

Today is the feast day of St. Teresa of Avila. She was my Confirmation saint so I have a special devotion to her. I didn't manage to start a novena to her on October 7, so I'm starting it today. Today is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Please pray for all those who have lost children today.

http://theapostolateofhannahstears.blogspot.com/2009/10/saint-teresa-of-jesus-october-15.html

Novena to St. Teresa of Avila

by St. Alphonsus of Liguori

( Pray especially beginning on October 7 and ending on October 15 , the Feast of St. Teresa.)

First Day: O most amiable Lord Jesus Christ! We thank Thee for the great gift of faith and of devotion to the Holy Sacrament, which Thou didst grant to Thy beloved Teresa; we pray Thee, by Thy merits and by those of Thy faithful spouse, to grant us the gift of a lively faith, and of a fervent devotion toward the most Holy Sacrament of the altar; where Thou, O infinite Majesty! hast obliged Thyself to abide with us even to the end of the world, and wherein Thou didst so lovingly give Thy whole Self to us.

Say one Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory be.

V. St. Teresa, pray for us:

R. That we may become worthy of the promises of Jesus Christ.

Let us pray: Graciously hear us, O God of our salvation! that as we rejoice in the commemoration of the blessed virgin Teresa, so we may be nourished by her heavenly doctrine, and draw from thence the fervour of a tender devotion; through our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, Who liveth and reigneth with Thee in the unity of the Holy Spirit, God for ever and ever. Amen.

Second Day: O most merciful Lord Jesus Christ! we thank Thee for the great gift of hope which Thou didst grant to Thy beloved Teresa; we pray Thee, by Thy merits, and by those of Thy holy spouse, to give us a great confidence in Thy goodness, by reason of Thy Precious Blood, which Thou hast shed to its last drop for our salvation.

Say one Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory be.

V. St. Teresa, pray for us:

R. That we may become worthy of the promises of Jesus Christ.

Let us pray: Graciously hear us, O God of our salvation! that as we rejoice in the commemoration of the blessed virgin Teresa, so we may be nourished by her heavenly doctrine, and draw from thence the fervour of a tender devotion; through our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, Who liveth and reigneth with Thee in the unity of the Holy Spirit, God for ever and ever. Amen.

Third Day: O most loving Lord Jesus Christ! we thank Thee for the great gift of love which Thou didst grant to Thy beloved Teresa; we pray Thee, by Thy merits, and by those of Thy most loving spouse, to give us the great, the crowning gift of Thy perfect love.

Say one Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory be.

V. St. Teresa, pray for us:

R. That we may become worthy of the promises of Jesus Christ.

Let us pray: Graciously hear us, O God of our salvation! that as we rejoice in the commemoration of the blessed virgin Teresa, so we may be nourished by her heavenly doctrine, and draw from thence the fervour of a tender devotion; through our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, Who liveth and reigneth with Thee in the unity of the Holy Spirit, God for ever and ever. Amen.

Fourth Day: O most sweet Lord Jesus Christ! we thank Thee for the gift of great desire and resolution which Thou didst grant to Thy beloved Teresa, that she might love Thee perfectly; we pray Thee, by Thy merits, and by those of Thy most generous spouse, to give us a true desire, and a true resolution of pleasing Thee the utmost of our power.

Say one Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory be.

V. St. Teresa, pray for us:

R. That we may become worthy of the promises of Jesus Christ.

Let us pray: Graciously hear us, O God of our salvation! that as we rejoice in the commemoration of the blessed virgin Teresa, so we may be nourished by her heavenly doctrine, and draw from thence the fervour of a tender devotion; through our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, Who liveth and reigneth with Thee in the unity of the Holy Spirit, God for ever and ever. Amen.

Fifth Day: O most kind Lord Jesus Christ! we thank Thee for the great gift of humility which Thou didst grant to Thy beloved Teresa; we pray Thee, by Thy merits, and by those of Thy most humble spouse, to grant us the grace of a true humility, which may make us ever find our joy in humiliation, and prefer contempt before every honour.

Say one Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory be.

V. St. Teresa, pray for us:

R. That we may become worthy of the promises of Jesus Christ.

Let us pray: Graciously hear us, O God of our salvation! that as we rejoice in the commemoration of the blessed virgin Teresa, so we may be nourished by her heavenly doctrine, and draw from thence the fervour of a tender devotion; through our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, Who liveth and reigneth with Thee in the unity of the Holy Spirit, God for ever and ever. Amen.

Sixth Day: O most bountiful Lord Jesus Christ! we thank Thee for the gift of devotion towards Thy sweet mother, Mary and her holy spouse, Joseph, which Thou didst grant to Thy beloved Teresa; we pray Thee, by Thy merits, and by those of Thy most dear spouse, to give us the grace of a special and tender devotion towards Thy most holy mother, Mary, and towards Thy beloved foster-father, Joseph.

Say one Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory be.

V. St. Teresa, pray for us:

R. That we may become worthy of the promises of Jesus Christ.

Let us pray: Graciously hear us, O God of our salvation! that as we rejoice in the commemoration of the blessed virgin Teresa, so we may be nourished by her heavenly doctrine, and draw from thence the fervour of a tender devotion; through our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, Who liveth and reigneth with Thee in the unity of the Holy Spirit, God for ever and ever. Amen.

Seventh Day: O most loving Lord Jesus Christ! we thank Thee for the wonderful gift of the wound in the heart which Thou didst grant to Thy beloved Teresa; we pray Thee, by Thy merits, and by those of Thy seraphic spouse, to grant us also a like wound of love, that, henceforth, we may love Thee and give our mind to the love of nothing but Thee.

Say one Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory be.

V. St. Teresa, pray for us:

R. That we may become worthy of the promises of Jesus Christ.

Let us pray: Graciously hear us, O God of our salvation! that as we rejoice in the commemoration of the blessed virgin Teresa, so we may be nourished by her heavenly doctrine, and draw from thence the fervour of a tender devotion; through our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, Who liveth and reigneth with Thee in the unity of the Holy Spirit, God for ever and ever. Amen.

Eighth Day: O most beloved Lord Jesus Christ! we thank Thee for the eminent gift of the desire for death which Thou didst grant to Thy beloved Teresa; we pray Thee, by Thy merits, and by those of Thy most constant spouse, to grant us the grace of desiring death, in order to go and possess Thee eternally in the country of the blessed.

Say one Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory be.

V. St. Teresa, pray for us:

R. That we may become worthy of the promises of Jesus Christ.

Let us pray: Graciously hear us, O God of our salvation! that as we rejoice in the commemoration of the blessed virgin Teresa, so we may be nourished by her heavenly doctrine, and draw from thence the fervour of a tender devotion; through our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, Who liveth and reigneth with Thee in the unity of the Holy Spirit, God for ever and ever. Amen.

Ninth Day: Lastly, O dearest Lord Jesus Christ! we thank Thee for the gift of the precious death which Thou didst grant to Thy beloved Teresa, making her sweetly to die of love; we pray Thee, by Thy merits, and by those of Thy most affectionate spouse, to grant us a good death; and if we do not die of love, yet, that we may at least die burning of love for Thee, that so dying, we may be able to go and love Thee for evermore with a more perfect love in heaven.

Say one Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory be.

V. St. Teresa, pray for us:

R. That we may become worthy of the promises of Jesus Christ.

Let us pray: Graciously hear us, O God of our salvation! that as we rejoice in the commemoration of the blessed virgin Teresa, so we may be nourished by her heavenly doctrine, and draw from thence the fervour of a tender devotion; through our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, Who liveth and reigneth with Thee in the unity of the Holy Spirit, God for ever and ever. Amen

Francis de Sales on Finding God's Will

I found this on another blog from Francis de Sales's Finding God's Will for You:

Even in important matters, we must be very humble and not think of finding God's will by force of scrutiny and subtle discussion. After we have implored the light of the Holy Spirit, applied our thought to search for His good pleasure, taken counsel with our [spiritual] director and perhaps with two or three other spiritual persons, we must come to a resolution and decision in the name of God. After that we must not call our choice in doubt, but devoutly, peacefully, and firmly keep and sustain it.

Prayers needed

A friend's 19 year old brother committed suicide today. Please pray for the family.

I'm quite boring right now

There's not much going on here. I'm on CD 12 and I'm waiting for good 10C/KL CM (and hoping that the brown tingedness of the 8C will go away). We haven't used a day (of fertility or not) since Labor Day weekend. I'm turning 29 in 4 days (Sunday) and I'm trying to figure out if friends are coming for dinner.

I had a stomach virus on Friday and was very sick, but thankful was able to go see D's sister that night and go "home" and see a friend on Saturday.

I talked to my mom on Skype (they are living out of the country for three years), and she's doing pretty good.

I'm ready for it to be December and surgery time. I'm ready to get this over with.

CD 1...Cycle 24

Cycle 24 started with a nice clear CD 1 for the first time in months. My LP was 13 days, which is great for me. Overall, I'm feeling pretty good about it and I'm ready for my surgery to be here. It'll be here in about 2 1/2 months.

Quick stuff

My brother is going to the Divine Mercy Shrine in Poland this weekend and he is going to put in a special intention for all Catholic infertility bloggers.

D's best friend's wife (that we went to the wedding for recently) is pregnant. I'm happy for them, especially since she's a year older than me, but I wish that I wasn't still here in IF land.

Hmmm...any ideas?

I'm not spotting and it's P+11, which is good. However, I was looking at my chart and it looks like the crazy spotting/bledding during my LP seems to only happen when we use days of fertility, which we didn't this cycle. I have no idea why it wouldn't happen on cycles we didn't use days of fertility if it's endo or a polyp or something. Any ideas?

Another first cousin once removed

My cousin and his wife are having there third child. They have a 2 1/2 year old and a 8 month old. It's great for them, but I'm so jealous. They'll have had 2 kids since we started trying and we can't even have one. They live on the other side of the country, but it's still going to be hard to see online.

The good news on this cycle is no spotting so far and I'm at 9DPO, but I'm not pregnant since we didn't use any of the days of fertility. I'm ready for it to be December and surgery time.

Giveaway from another blog

Jen from 4tunate is hosting a giveaway for a $100 HomeGoods gift card. Go check it out.

HomeGoods StyleScope - I'm a Country Classic

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Semi-break

We are not really going to TTC until after my surgery in December. We missed this month (unless I double peak). It seems like it would be better to spend our energy on really trying once everything is fixed. We're not TTA and I'm still charting, but I'm not going to put much effort into using fertile days since we haven't been great lately. I think D may not want to put in the effort to use the days now since it's not working. D may be thinking what's the point in trying right now since my body is still crazy.

Sick

I caught a nasty cold from the little girl I nanny for. I had a fever of 101 Saturday, but thankfully I haven't had one since then. My weekend was most spent rest and watching tv/movies. I still have a sore throat and a bad case of laryngitis. I'm very tired and just want to go home and sleep. I ,of course, started having good CM last night and I have to see if I can convince D to use one of the next two days or the weekend. We are going to visit our parents, but I'm leaving earlier than he is, Friday won't happen and Saturday probably won't either since we are going to a newlywed party for his friends and there will be beer involved.

Last Friday, I was at a product party (where a person was selling spa and beauty products), and the topic of IF came up. It's amazing that women who have been pregnant have so little idea of how fertility works. I explained a bit about NFP, both for TTC and postponing pregnancy. They aren't Catholic and brought up if I would need to go on BC to "normalize" my cycle. I told them that I was never going back on BC and that there are other medications that will actually correct any hormonal problems. One of the girls is currently pregnant (well she's actually having a c-section today because her baby is sick) and said that they tried for 18 months and finally succeed after putting cycle info into one of those on-line calculators. I wish it was that easy.

Busy Weekend

We had friends over for dinner on Friday, and Saturday my dad came to drop off the stuff we are getting while they are overseas. Some of the things they gave us included their fridge, a stand mixer, tools, a mattress and a dining table. I spent Saturday morning (late morning...I was up late Friday night) going to the farmer's market. The farmer's market was ok. There wasn't any fruit when I got there toward the end, but I did get tomatoes. Afterwards I went to W (the boy that I nanny for)'s second birthday party. I did some cleaning before my dad got in town, and then we spent the rest of the night getting stuff unloaded and put in the house.

A lot of the weekend was spent cooking. I made yogurt in my crockpot, homemade chicken stock, and tomato sauce (all for the first time). Since we were switching out the fridge, I couldn't go grocery shopping until Sunday morning, so it was late last night when I finished up and went to bed. The good news is that I don't have to make tomato sauce or broth again for a while since I made really big batches.

I really haven't been thinking about IF/TTC that much lately. I don't know without looking at my chart when my cycle started or what cycle day I'm on. I'm pretty sure that we have no chance until at least after my surgery, so I've pretty much put it out of my head except when I'm around pregnant women or things like that.

I haven't had any more heavy bleeding, and I think since it was so heavy, it actually caused my period to be lighter than usual.

Scary bleeding (TMI warning) ETA

Last night I had some really heavy bleeding. I completely soaked a pad in about 2 hours and had very large clots. It was the heaviest bleeding I've ever had (and I'm only P+10). I had some cramping but they weren't too bad. I was very thankful D was home when it happened since I was quite concerned that I might have to go to the ER or Urgent Care. I took some flax oil (like is recommended in Fer.tility, Cy.cles and Nutr.ition, and it slowed down. I don't know if the flax oil actually helped out or not, but if it starts back I'll try again. I called PPVI and talked to a nurse who is going to see what Dr. H has to say and I'll update once I hear back. My body truly does have some serious issues.

ETA: I didn't go to the ER or urgent care because the bleeding lasted 2-3 hours, and it slowed down a lot right after I got concerned. No word from Dr. H yet.

One out of six

You've probably heard the statistic that one of every six couples in the US is infertile, and my cousins and I are a perfect example. I have 5 cousins (on my dad's side) that have children (most have two and are younger than me) and had them without any real infertility problems (the longest it took any of them to get pregnant was 10 months). On our vacation, we visited them and we were asked by five different relatives when we were having children (I've only shared our IF problems with one cousin). We had fun hanging out with their kids and D held my cousin's 7 month old for 45 minutes (very cute), but it was hard to see what we don't have (especially since almost all are blondes...like D and I).

The weather was not ideal on our vacation (cool and rainy which is not great for swimming and other water activities). It was great to see my family that I hadn't see in 2 or 3 years. We drove the 30+ hours straight through, so that was tiring.

I did ovulate during our vacation on CD 17, and I'm P+8. However, I started bleeding/spotting today. I started the nutrition plan yesterday from Fertility, Cycles, and Nutrition by Marilyn Shannon. I'm hoping that it'll at least get me in healthy shape for after my surgery. I'll get into more detail and let you know how it goes later.

Surgery scheduled

Surgery scheduled with PPVI on Wednesday, December 9.

Southern ladies get-together?

The wonderful time that Jelly Belly, TCIE, FJIEJ, Fertile Thoughts, All You Who Hope, Living Advent, & Life Hopes had is making me think that we need to do a Catholic IF blogger get-together down here. I know that Life in Mazes and Barbie both live in Louisiana like me, but I don't know if there's anyone else that's close by and interested. I don't have any ideas on when or where, but we should try to plan something if there's interest.

Better ETA

Update: The lady who does scheduling at PPVI is out until next Monday, so I'll have to call while on vacation. Frustrating.

I still haven't found my diamond, but I did get the claim put in for replacing it. My grandma is doing alright, not great but she's at home with home care (I think). I had Friday off, so I was able to rest after a stressful week. We are going on vacation soon to see my relatives on my dad's side, so I'm looking for to that since it also involves lots of swimming and D and I both love the water.

One of our friends was at our house with his almost 2-year-old. The little boy loves D, and D is so cute with him. I got a little sad watching them because I want him to be able to do that with our child (plus the little boy is blond...just like D and I). Our friend even brought up that he can't wait until we have kids. One issue is that our house is not childproofed in anyway, so we had a lot of times where we were have to grab or move stuff so that he wouldn't get into it.

I call PPVI tomorrow to get my surgery scheduled. I'll post and put the date in my sidebar.

Not getting any better

My grandmother's condition has worsened. I still can't find my diamond (I'm going to have to go fill a claim later today or tomorrow). It's pouring so hard that I'm worried that my house might flood (it almost flooded last year, we do have flood insurance). The grandfather of kids that I nanny for is having a major surgery, which I believe is related to his prostate cancer. I'm so upset right now, and I'm not sure if I can handle anything else. I need some prayers.

Stressed

My grandmother went into the hospital on Saturday due to heart problems. Her heart was beating a little too fast and then it would stop for 3-6 seconds, which would make her black out, and then it would restart. She's in the ICU, but she seems to be doing ok today and may be released tomorrow or the day after. Please pray that she will continue to do well. D and I were in town and were able to visit her along with a few of my other relatives. We got in late and I'm very tired.

This morning after putting my ring back on from washing my hands, I realized that my diamond had fallen out of my ring and I haven't yet been able to find it. I have it insured but I just want to find my diamond. I'm probably going to have to get the setting completely redone since I have it less than 3 years and it's been loose before.

Yesterday was also CD 1, so I'm handling the stress even worse than usual. It's starting to bug me when I hear about people who have spotting and end up being pregnant because I start thinking that it's a possibility, but it's never true for me.

Jenna's Journey Blog Giveaway

Jenna's Journey is giving away a devotional book on infertility (Christian, but not specifically Catholic...just an FYI). Go check it out.

Same outcome as usual (cycle update)

I got to P+7 , but I started spotting/bleeding today. I hate have to deal with it over and over again for 2 or more weeks straight. I'm so glad that I'll be calling in 2 weeks to schedule my surgery. I really want to know what's causing my crazy bleeding since low progesterone seems to have been ruled out.

Sometimes I feel like a fraud

When I take the kids that I nanny for (boy almost 2 and girl almost 4) places, people assume that they are my children unless I tell them otherwise. It often not worth mentioning unless it's people we or I see regularly. Those times when it's not worth mention, I feel like I'm lying to people when they ask questions about the kids, like how old they are, and assume I'm their mom. After the tire incident Saturday, I had to take the little boy with me to buy a new tire while the girl was at VBS. The tire guy asked how old he was and told me about his 2-year-old. When I was picking the little girl up from VBS, I was think about how I'm the hidden infertile, who everyone would assume was a mom and how everyone else there (even the grandparents) had had children (or at least adopted). It's weird being an infertile who takes care of children all day.

Congratulations to Sew, who if you don't know, recently found out that she's finally pregnant!

Last Saturday

I just remember that I didn't tell you about last Saturday night while we were out with friends to see a comic. D and a friend went out after D got off work Saturday, and then they picked me up to go to dinner. At dinner, I caused serious injury to my toenail by hitting it with the bathroom door. After I got back to the table, D manage to step on it.

We then got in my car (D drove) to head over to see the comic. There was a stopped train that caused us to detour, and as D was going back out to the street we need to be on, he hit a curb and popped my front driver's side tire. We pulled over and they put on the spare; however, the spare was flat. I had to drive superslow the mile to get to where we were going. Obviously, at this point, I'm not in a good mood. We sit down with our friends and some of their friends to wait until it was time for the show, and one of the women we were with was pregnant (visibly so she was probably about 6 months along). It was just one of those things that I didn't really want to have to deal with during an already crappy evening.

Yesterday, however, was a good day for the most part, except for me stressing myself out about stuff to get done.

2 year anniversary

1. Where/how did you meet: We meet at a mutual friend from church's pool party

2. How long have you known each other: since summer of 2001

3. How long after you met did you start dating: it was almost 3 1/2 years (we started dating in December 2004)

4. How long did you date before you were engaged: 1 1/2 years

5. How long was your engagement: almost 11 months

6. How long have you been married: 2 years

7. What is your anniversary: July 14

8. How many people came to your wedding reception: about 160 people

9. What kind of cake did you serve: white cake with buttercream frosting and raspberry filling in some of the layers

10. Where was your wedding: St. Anthony of Padua, The Wood.lands, TX

11. What did you serve for your meal: D and I had sea bass with whatever else was served, but I don't remember what it was (it was very good, I do remember that)

12. How many people were there in your bridal party: 8 (four on each side)

13. Are you still friends with them all: yes, most were family and we just went to the best man's wedding

14. Did you or your spouse cry during the ceremony: I teared up a little while walking down the aisle

15. Most special moment of your wedding day: walking down the aisle and seeing D

16. Any funny moments: I wasn't trying to smush cake on D, but the piece I tried to feed him was too big and it was funny seeing him try to eat it

17. Any big disasters: it actually worked out ok, but our DJ didn't show up, the resort called the company which left the Hous.ton Bri.dal Show to come and do the music, if people didn't know the story they didn't even know it was an issue

18. Where did you go on your honeymoon: Sandals Och.o Ri.os Jamai.ca

19. How long where you gone: we left Sunday and returned Saturday

20. If you were to do your wedding over, what would you change: try to relax and enjoy the planning more...also make sure the exit was better planned, neither set of parents knew that we were leaving so they missed it

21. What side of the bed do you sleep on: on the right if you are facing the bed

22. What size is your bed: Queen

23. Greatest strength as a couple: having a good sense of humor

24. Greatest challenge as a couple: dealing with IF and all the frustrations that come with it

25. Who literally pays the bills: He does

26. What is your song: now I'd say it's Lost in This Moment by Big and Rich...it came out just before our wedding

27. What did you dance your first dance to: Amazed by Lonestar

28. Describe your wedding dress: it was a princess style dress with a beaded bodice, sheer cap sleeves, a very full tulle skirt and a long train

29. What kind of flowers did you have at your wedding: D and I had white roses and blue hydrangeas, MOH and BM had lavendar roses and blue hydrangeas, and the rest of the bridesmaids and groomsmen had lavendar roses

30. Are your wedding bands engraved? No.

Today is also D's grandparents' anniversary (and this wasn't done intentionally but is very cool), and the feast day of Blessed Kateri Tekakwitha

Cycle Update

I'm on CD 15, and I had a couple days of 10C/KL or 10KL (earlier than ever), but now I'm having just 8C. My temp is relatively low so I don't think that I actually ovulated. If I did ovulate, I ovulated on CD 13, the earliest since I started charting in June 2007. I don't know if I'm going to have a split or double peak. I've had either a split or double peak for the last few cycles, which is getting really annoying. I just want my body to work correctly. I'm ready to have my surgery to see if my cycles normalize then.

D and my anniversary is tomorrow.

D's BF's Wedding, etc.

I'm on day 8, and I (as of know) seem to have finished spotting yesterday. That's definitely an improvement for me. It would be nice if this coming weekend (or by our anniversary next Tuesday), I had fertile CM but I'm not going to hold my breath since my body likes to throw curveballs. I'm finally at my maintance dose for T3 and only have to do temps and pulses once a week instead of every day.

I hope everyone had a great July 4. We had a very low key day and just hung out at home.

D's best friend's wedding was a lot of fun, but there was a lot of baby/pregnancy talk. They are some of the later people to get married and they went to a strong Catholic college so most married people had one or more kids. One of the bridesmaids was about 8 months pregnant. I did get to see my IRL IF friend who is starting to look into adoption for her second child (tried 4 years for first and have been trying 4 years for second). I also got to see my brother who's a religious, and he and some friends prayed with me about IF.

Finally CD 1...Cycle 21

Today is finally CD 1. I have bad cramps and am very tired, but I'm glad that that crazy 50 day cycle is over. I'll post later about the wedding we went to it was a lot of fun.

SA results

D's SA results were good, so the issue isn't MFI. The experience was not so good, but I'm not getting into details. At least it's done.

I'm still just spotting/light bleeding. I just want to start a new cycle. I'm on CD 43 without a confirmed ovulation.

We are going to STL for his best friend's wedding next week. I'm looking for to it a lot, especially since one of my brothers will be there and I haven't seen him since November. We'll be there from Wednesday to Sunday. My youngest brother is stopping (with a couple friends) by Sunday night on his way back from working at a church camp in GA.

Nope

A couple people suggested that I test in case I managed to ovulate and get pregnant, but nope...it was a BFN. Still just spotting really with spurts of light bleeding.

Spotting

I detest spotting, especially since I've dealt with it for alot of the past year. I'm currently still just lightly spotting and weirdly enough my temp is going up. I just want my body to decide if it's started a new cycle or not and get to my real period. I put in a new cycle on FF, but I'm not sure if it's true

Reset

I'm bleeding, but I'm happy about it. The way I see it there are three possibilities for what happen this cycle and none of them are great so I'd rather reset and have a fresh start.

Possibility 1: This cycle was annovulatory and I'm getting my period now. This would actually be the first annovulatory cycle that I've had. 38 days and my period starting on its own is not too bad for an annovualtory cycle.

Possibility 2: I ovulated on CD 24 or 25, but it was a poor ovulation and hard to detect since I had fertile CM afterwards. I would have a 12 or 13 day LP.

Possibility 3: This isn't really a new cycle, but spotting/bleeding since my cycle started so long ago. I'll bleed for a couple days and ovulation will happen pretty soon. This has happen to me twice already.

I'll know if it's possibility 3 relatively soon, but I won't be able to figure out between possibility 1 and 2. Hopefully next cycle won't be as crazy.

Free blog background or header

Does anyone want me to make them a free blog background or header? I'm not a graphic designer or anything, but I'd be willing to make a couple backgrounds and/or headers. I just started using a free Ph.oto.shop-like program. You'd need to give me some ideas on what you want (colors, themes, pictures). I'll make them for the first three people who request it. Comment with your email and I'll send you my email address.

Fantabulously Frugal giveaway

Fantabulously Frugal is having a Big GiveAway. IF you decide to enter, Please Put in that Carolyn From Waiting for Baby Blondie refered you. Thanks.

Prayer

This is the prayer that I'm trying to pray for myself and all you girls out there:

Lord, help me (us) to prepare for the path you have planned for me (us).

As you can see from my ticker, Fertilty Friend now agrees that instead of being 8DPO, I haven't ovulated yet. It's CD32 and I'm having 8C (not normal amounts for post-peak), but I haven't had another round of 10C/KL (it'll be round 3 this cycle...triple peak!!!). That means that I'm probably not going to o in the next couple days (assuming that I do this cycle), and I'll most likely have my longest cycle since TTC (the record so far is 48 days with o on CD 36).

August 3

August 3 is when I'm supposed to call to get my surgery scheduled for one of the first 3 weeks in December. I'm probably not going to be able to get the u/s series done then because of the amount of time I'd need to take off.

Although the ticker says 7DPO (which means our timing wasn't quite as bad as I thought since we used O-2), my waking temps are in the low 97 the past couple days and I don't know that I've actually ovulated. In addition to the low temps, I seem to be going back to more fertile CM and I'm on CD 31 (lovely).

Sad

Yesterday when D was heading over to our friends' house who have an almost 2 year old, he said "and I'm going to pretend to be a daddy".  He said it casually, but it reminds me how hard this is for him too.

I've been feeling pretty hopeless about the possibility of pregnancy lately.  I also know that D isn't going to be ready to start looking into adoption until we've tried awhile after my surgery.  Also, we've got a couple years before it's going to be financially feasible, but if I'm not pregnant by this time next year I'm going to want to start looking into it.

Late o, bad timing

As of now, it looks like I might have ovulated Wednesday (CD 25) and had my peak day yesterday.  However our timing was horrible, we only used Sunday.  It's also possible that I haven't yet/won't ovulate since my temps are relatively low for post-Peak.  This cycle has been funky (back to 10+ days of period/spotting and split/double peak and I'm ready to just have a fresh start.  I'm going to call PPVI to schedule my surgery soon (probably Monday).

Waiting for Peak

I'm pretty sure that Wednesday was not really my peak day. I had 8CAD for Thursday through Saturday, but I had 10C/KL yesterday (which we used just in case). Also, my temps are pretty low for if I've actually oed. So now I must wait to see if I have a temp jump or more peak type mucus or what's going on. Luckily I'm not on any medication that's cycle based (just the T3 which I'm on throughout). Once I confirm my peak/o, I'm going to call to get my surgery scheduled.

Also, D is finally ready to have an SA, so hopefully we can get that done in the next few weeks. We were talking about something IF related and he asked if we knew that I was the one with issues. I told him that I'm pretty sure that I am part of the IF, but until he had a SA, we couldn't rule out him having issues.

P+1?

I'm pretty sure today is O+1/P+1 (CD 18 is not too bad for me).  Yesterday I had a temp dip and 10KL (I didn't have as much CM as usual though), and today was a higher temp and 8C.  We used Monday, but yesterday D was frustrated and tired of sex on a schedule.  I completely understand the sentiment; we are "forcing" ourselves during fertile times and doing that for two years has gotten old.  I'm going to work on surrending it since I have a habit of being the pursuer instead of letting D pursue.  

Once I've confirmed my peak day, I'm planning to call to try to get my surgery scheduled (still planning on Dec.).  I'm hoping that I'll have another month without the crazy spotting; that would be such an improvement.

Green stickers (AKA My Crazy Chart)

I was looking today at my stickers for my Creighton Chart to check if I needed more yellow stickers (yes I do). I also learned that I still have FIVE sheets of plain green stickers and I've only used 5 plain green stickers since September.

Here's a count of what I've used since September:

Red: 134

Green: 5 (as I already mentioned)

Green Baby: 5

White Baby: 75 (some of those are before I started with yellow stickers so it's higher than it should "really" be)

Yellow: 25 (since December)

Yellow Baby: 10 (since December)

The good(ish) news is that I finally stopped spotting after CD 12. Now I just have to wait for 10C/KL.

I hope everyone has a relaxing Memorial Day, and don't forget to keep those who have given their lives for our country and their families in your prayers.

Cycle update etc.

I'm on CD 11 and I'm still spotting which is crappy.  I've been feeling my ovaries more this cycle, but I'm not sure why.  They actually feel a bit like they did on clomid where pressure is uncomfortable.  I'm hoping the spotting will finish up so that I can actually o at a decent time.  I'm going to be starting the T3 soon (whopee on checking pulse and temps 3x a day).

I don't know if it's the fact that 2 years is getting close or D's best friend's wedding coming up soon (or some crazy hormonalness) but I've been feeling sad about IF this cycle than I had in a while.  I did however find out at the bridal shower (same wedding) that an acquaintance from my church in my hometown is now dealing with secondary IF after dealing with primary IF.  We commiserated about the fact that there was a woman there who was pregnant with her 10th child; how it's great for her but it's still hard to see when you have been waiting for the same blessing for a few years.  I'm trying to bear my cross and surrender to God's will, but right now I'm having a tough time. 

 

I've done a little writing (like 2 pages or so) on the book, but I'm going to try to do some more over the weekend now that I have a more functional computer.  I'm not sure if I'm ever going to be able to make it a true book or ever get it sold but I feel that I need to try to get it down on paper at least.  I may at some point make a private blog for it.

Technology breakdown

D's computer, our wireless router, our modem, and I all had a breakdown on Sunday evening. D's computer was his work computer so that is still with the IT dept. trying to fix it. He got a new laptop yesterday which I am borrowing today since my computer is both physically broken and incredibly slow. We had to buy a new wireless router since ours got fried somehow (the one we had was free so it wasn't as bad as if we had bought the original). Luckily the modem just got reset when the wireless blew out so we just had call our ISP to get the user name and password to reset. We also got 2 large TV that we bought from one of D's work friends for $350. We still don't have cable/satellite but we are getting satellite when my parents move to Qatar for my dad's work later this year.

I am going to visit my parents this weekend since a friend is having a bridal shower this Sunday in our hometown. My mom recently got a new computer so I'm going to get my dad to put my hard drive in her old computer and hopefully the performance will improve.

My cousin who was having premature labor at 32 weeks had her son at 35-36 weeks. He is doing well and didn't have to go to the NICU or special care nursery.

P.S. I need some prayers that the little girl that I nanny for will get into the Montes.sori school (for preschool) for the fall. She's on the waiting list and she really needs the Montes.sori style schooling enviroment. I think she will do so much better there than a traditional school environment and that will reduce my stress as well as her parents' stress.

The stress of all our technology breaking down at once plus normal period crazies was not a good combo. I'm feeling emotionally better but the cramps kicked in yesterday and now they are quite painful. Also my hypoglycemia has been bothering me a bit lately and I feel nauseated unless I eat something every hour or so.

CD 1...Cycle 20

Waking up at 4:15 in the morning and going to the bathroom to find bleeding was not the way I wanted to start Mother's Day.  The new cycle starting hit me hard than I thought it would since it was at least different from the early spotting I've had for most of the past year (except of course the break cycle).  I also feel bad having to tell D that it didn't work...again.  Maybe after my surgery (still planning on December...for financial reasons), there will be a chance.  However, I'm worried about how I'm going to handle it if I still don't get pregnant and we hit 2011.

P+11 and Thryoid Study

I'm currently at P+11 right now without any spotting, but I feel like I'm about to spot/start a new cycle. D keeps asking me if I'm going to test soon, but I'm not going to unless I get to P+14 (Tuesday) without spotting.

I can almost guarantee that I'm not going to qualify for the Thyriod Dysfunction Study. My pre-peak average was 98.1 or 98.2 and post-peak it was 98.7 most days. I'm a little surprised that my temps were as high as they were. I'm sending the paperwork back today.

P+8 and other stuff

This is the first time in a few months (and only three or four times in the last year) where (as of yet) I have gotten to O/P+8 without spotting/bleeding. Dr. Hilger put D and I on a 3 week antibiotics course which we start on P+1. I can't be sure, but it would be nice if it was stopping whatever is causing the crazy bleeding.

The antibiotics give me a stomachache and they give me a bad taste in my mouth, but it's worth it if it moves us closer to conceiving.

D and I went to NJ for his cousin's wedding last weekend. It was fun and we got to see all his family who we only see about twice a year. We are actually going to send a letter to his grandma, and ask her to pray for us with regard to infertility.

S (the 3-year-old girl I nanny for) punch me in the face today. I'm hoping that her parents can deal with her in a way that will reduce that kind of behavior.

Book?

I've been thinking for a while that there aren't any books that I've found that are for infertile Catholics who want to follow the Church's teaching. Most of the books that I've seen about IF focus on ART, and as far as I know even the Christian one's aren't written from a Catholic perspective. I kind feel like maybe I should write (or be part of writing) "A Catholic Couple's Guide to Infertility". I'm not sure how realistic it is, but I've been thinking about it ever since I found AYWH's blog. I'm not a fabulous writer, but like I said this has been in my heart for about 6 months now. Thoughts? Anyone interested in helping write or anything if this actually happens?

Possibly going to be a split Peak?

I didn't start having Peak-type (10C/KLx1) mucus until Thursday. Friday I had 10KLx3, but yesterday was 6C. I don't think that I've oed yet, especially taking my temps into consideration. Also, I usually have like more than 1 1/2 days of Peak type mucus, so I really hope that it'll come back soon. We did use yesterday, but I'm not sure how much that will matter.

Prayers for my cousin and her baby

My cousin is 32 weeks pregnant and at her dr. appt today, she found out that she is 70% and 3 cm dilated.  She is on bedrest for a couple weeks, and they gave her steriod shots to improve the baby's lung development.  I live halfway across the country so I can't go visit her and help out.  Please keep her and her family (she also has a three-year old girl) in your thoughts and prayers.  

Thyroid study, waiting to o and other stuff

I did my temps and pulses last week for the Thyroid Study. My ave. temp was about 98.1 (pre-Peak), but my pulse was almost always between 80-90. I definitely have a family history of thyroid issues on my dad's side of the family (grandmother, great-aunt, aunt, and cousin all have diagnosed issues).

I'm still just charting yellow stickers (I'm using them both pre- and post-peak now) with 6C or 8C, so I'm guessing I'm not going to o on CD 16 like last month. Oh well, I doubt that the physical conditions in my uterus are such that pregnancy is probable before my surgery.

D and I are trying to decide if November or December will be better for the surgery, but he has to think about it some more. D probably won't be able to come up to Omaha with me, but either my mom or my middle brother, M/BP, will try to come with me.

M/BP, the brother who is a Brother (in the monk/religious vow sense), is going to be going to seminary this fall. The other Brother recently finished seminary and once their order grows large enough he will be ordained.

I've got a bit of a stuffy nose, which is of course at a horrible time, being relatively close to and before ovulation. I know that "normal/fertile" people get pregnant after taking Sudafed, but we are getting close to two years of trying and I want to maximize our chances.

D and I have a bit of traveling coming up soon. His cousin gets married in about 10 days in NJ. His best friend gets married in late June in St. Louis. We are also going to visit my dad's side of the family in the Pacific Northwest in August. We are only flying to the first wedding; the rest of the trips will be by car.

Having problems waiting

I wish that I didn't have to wait until December for my surgery.  Since the only problem that was found in my b/w was the thyroid issue, I (self-diagnosing of course) think that there's a good chance that endo is what's causing my bleeding.  I don't have horrible cramps, but I do definitely have bad cramps at least one day each cycle.  

I'm also feeling like I'm stuck in the intellectual side of my relationship with God.  I say the Morning and Evening Prayers from the Magnificat everyday, but I have a hard time praying in my own words.  My mind knows about God, but my heart is scared to let go and have faith.  I'm still trying to figure out where my place is my parish is and I haven't met any church friends.  That combined with IF is making me feel lost.

Good Friday, CD 1...Cycle #19

It looks like today is the start of Cycle #19 (although it's hard to know what's really CD 1 with the crazy bleeding that I have start around 3DPO/just after Peak).  I'm getting frustrated again at the lack of progress we seem to be making.  I'll be doing the Symptom Checklist and Temperature Assessment for the T3 study this month.  Even if the T3 is an issue, I'm pretty sure that it's not what's causing my bleeding.  Since nothing else seems to be hormonely wrong with me, there has to be some sort of structural problem causing it, right?  My surgery won't be until December, which is still 8 months away.  If there is a problem, it might not even be fixed then depending on how serious it is.  I hate the fact that we are going to hit the two-year mark without know the cause of the bleeding (which has to be at least part of the the cause of the infertility).  

D and I had a pretty good time in Las Vegas.  It was kind of tiring though and D is not good about calling it a night around the friends we went with.  I was kind of hopeful when the bleeding/spotting stopped for almost a day, but it started right back up again.  D actually managed to win almost $200, so that was cool.  All the food we ate was great.  I think D had a good 27th birthday.

One of the hardest things to do is remember that my suffering is minor compared to Christ's and to many other people's.  The other thing I have to remember is that without the suffering of Good Friday, there's no joyful resurrection on Easter Sunday.  One day I will receive the joyous gift that God has prepared for me, but it may not be the gift that I hope it is.